Maniacs - Die Horrorbande

See, there are these twelve Neon Maniacs who live under the Golden Gate bridge and come out at night to kill people. No reason really, they just do. Natalie (Leilani Sarelle) sees all of her partying friends offed by this gnarly group but no one will believe her because the only thing left at the scene of the crime is some neon goo. Insert Steven (Alan Hayes), a fellow high school student who has the hots for Natalie, and Paula (Donna Locke), a young horror obsessed tomboy, to form a trio of folks who the cops won't listen to.

This NEON MANIACS madness is really something and plays with the same logic of the home movies I made when I was a 12-year-old. Sad when you realize director Joseph Mangine was in his 50s when he made this. We never get any history on the titular creatures or learn why they are so intent on tracking our leads. But we do know they melt when water gets on them (you listening M. Night?). I guess you could get away with stuff like this in the 80s if you throw some slime around, which this film does plenty of. Probably the only film in the history of cinema to have the heroes discussing ways to off the monsters and one says, "Hey, isn't the battle of the bands tonight? We can do it there!" Insert two dueling bands (new wave vs. heavy metal) duking it out while the Maniacs converge on the school. The film ends with the hope of a NEON MANIACS II and I'm still, like, totally waiting.

A group of teenagers in San Francisco are attacked by homicidal monsters living under the Golden Gate Bridge and set out to prove they are real.

Despite its faults, logic, editing, pace and such director Joseph Mangine's ambitious Neon Maniacs counter balances its short comings. Larry Odien, Allan A. Apone and Douglas J. White's make up and practical effects are surprisingly good and the period music score is creatively ominous. To Neon's credit Mangines creates some jump moments notably the bus scene.

Paula played by actress Donna Locke (who has disappeared off the planet) has a cute Goonie appeal. Leilani Sarelle's Natalie is a solid lead and not surprisingly went on to do bigger thing. The rest of the cast give typical 80s low budget hammy performances.

In retrospect writers Mark Patrick Carducci's ambiguous origins of the Neon Maniacs adds to the films appeal and although uneven with more style over substance it deserves it cult status if only for the 80's nostalgia, it's monsters 'cool' factor and surreal atmosphere.

In San Francisco, Natalie is celebrating her birthday one night in the park with a couple of friends, when suddenly a large group of nasty looking monsters gatecrash it. She's the only survivor, and the police don't buy her story, because of what she supposedly saw and her friend's bodies have vanished. These mutants only come out at night, from their home under the Golden Gate Bridge and seek possible victims to take back with them. Now their eyes are set on Natalie, and with the help of her lovelorn friend Steven and a plucky, horror enthusiast Paula. They set out to stop these monstrous mutants.

It doesn't get anymore ultra-bizarre, gloriously tacky and super-dumb, than the film known as "Neon Maniacs". Actually what mindlessly juicy fun, even though you'll be at a lost! Yep, it's one of those deliciously sweet and trashy horror oddities that only the 80's horror scene could possibly dream up! This low-budget item doesn't want to go into any sort of reasoning, or development to what's actually happening, so you just have to go with the flow and cop the threadbare screenplay for what it is. There's some imagination behind all of this kitsch, and what they mustered up with the wicked make-up effects for these cheesy looking nocturnal mutants are vividly creative with a whole variety to look at. Hey they even got their own collectible cards (don't ask me why), which we see at the beginning. The thing is they could've done far more with the unusual idea than what we got in the end. It was quickly thought-up and easily penned by Mark Patrick Carducci, and the results end up showing the shambles. Too many plot holes to poke a stick at and it might slow up in the latter half, but the cartoonish nature brings some nicely chiselled humorous touches and wacky situations of junky entertainment. It does have that childish feel to it, but the nasty side and gruesome effects make sure that it stays far from that crowd. The handling of it on the other hand came off looking more competent than you'll expect, but director Joseph Mangine (who's more often behind the lens), execution feels cramped and overwhelmed by the simple novelty. It's sloppy, but he keeps a steady momentum and spins out some atmospheric highlights (like a dream sequence). Shadowy camera-work is reasonably positioned, with moody lighting and there's a chewy bubblegum soundtrack with the familiar eerie electronic score finding its way in. The sound performances are pretty basic, but Leilani Sarelle, Allan Hayes and an animated Donna Locke are acceptable. Also popping up as one of the ghouls is Andrew Divoff, which was his first film appearance.

This preposterous clunker is pretty much a low-end horror delight that lazily amuses. Remember logic has no say here, but goofiness and unpleasantness does.

Beware! The gates of Heck have been thrown open, unleashing the NEON MANIACS!

Virtually immortal and unstoppable, these freakish creatures are immune to anything that might be used against them. Except for one rare and mysterious chemical known as...

H-2-O!

If only there was some of this stuff around they could be thwarted, but nay! If only someone had a squirt gun, or a bucket, or a damp sponge!

Instead, these maniacs shall conquer the globe!

Thankfully, three teens are on the case, including a horror-obsessed girl who tracks the monsters to their lair. Under a bridge. Feet away from a bay. Full of H-2-O!

If you've been pining away for the 1980's, here they are in all their glory! The clothes! The hair! The overly-sterile production values! All here!

WARNING: Nothing can possibly prepare you for the brain-evaporating "Battle of the Bands" sequence! Nothing! It's so wretchedly inept as to cause boils and cranial bruising in the viewer!

On a positive note, the maniac masks are pretty cool. If only this movie had given them a good reason to wear them...

Oddball 80s horror film about San Francisco teens getting slaughtered by a Village People-like group zombies. There's a biker zombie, an archer zombie, a samurai zombie, a soldier zombie, and a few others. The film is poorly made to say the least, but it does have plenty of nicely gory old school practical special effects, which I do love. Another fun part of the film is when the teens go to a concert at one point, so you get some nice cheesy 80s music and dancing, all dripping in 80s neon, so it has that going for it too. "Neon Maniacs" isn't an 80s horror film anyone should seek out, but if you've already seen them everything halfway decent and are trying to find something you haven't seen before, it's worth a look.