The Ninja Squad

Another nugget of movie-making gold from the crazed minds of Godfrey Ho, Joseph Lai, and the must-be-fictional IFD script unit. This time our pal Richard Harrison (who is unnerving without his trademark moustache, just like a young Burt Reynolds or a post-Fawlty John Cleese) returns as Ninja Master Gordon to train a young lad named Billy in the mystical arts of ninjitsu.

Unfortunately for Billy, he hasn't reckoned on the lack of job prospects for 18th century Japanese assassins down at the local labour exchange, and finds himself returning to his home town without money or gainful employment, and facing a gang of extortionist thugs threatening his poor old mother that if she doesn't find any cash they'll "burn down your f***in' house"!!! Class.

Whilst young Billy wrestles with the domestic soap opera aspects of ninja existence, his master Gordon is entangled in conflict with the startling Ivan the Red (Dave Wheeler), who possesses an amazing costume, a ludicrously macho and husky dubbed voice, and a truly sensational bass-lead theme tune. Seriously: if they release "Ivan's Theme" i predict it as Christmas number one with full confidence. Ivan's challenge to Gordon to fight to the death for NINJA SUPREMACY is spurned, and so Mr. The Red decides to take out a number of random ninjas clad in outfits of varying ludicrousness as they "train" (jump about a bit) in various neighbouring fields. Obviously, we're all waiting for the final showdown between these two ninja colossi, and we aren't disappointed.

Well, we are, to be honest, but as with all of these movies, it's the journey , not the destination, that matters. And when we've encountered such hilariously inept dialogue, thrillingly pounding basslines, and dubbing so bad it may well make you mentally ill along the way, who can possibly complain? Only the type of person who wouldn't even "revenge" their own mother.

'Ninja Squad' is a truly bizarre film. There are two main plots - the main one being about Billy, a trainee ninja who appears to live somewhere in Indonesia and whose family is being terrorised by some gangsters. He has spent the last 10 years training as a ninja under 'The Master Ninja' who, oddly enough, is a blond-haired elderly white guy in a bright pink and silver shellsuit. In fact, all the ninjas (apart from billy) are all caucasian and all wear brightly coloured shellsuits and bands across their foreheads that say 'ninja'. An evil ninja called 'Red Ivan' is going around killing ninjas to try and prove he's better than 'The Master'. 'Red Ivan', by the way, has a bright red and gold jumpsuit.

In the 'Billy' parts of the film, there isn't all that much hand-to-hand fighting - more of it is pitched gun battles. The brightly-coloured ninja bits have lots of slow-motion sword battles in them, but they're ultimately rather unsatisfying as the effects budget obviously didn't reach to fake blood.

All in all a rather odd film (with a very bizarre ending) which was quite obviously a foreign film with some weird ninja stuff tacked on. Quite enjoyable, though.

This has to be one of the most hilarious films I have ever watched. It consists of two stories - Billy the Ninja has to battle some gangsters, while Gordon the Ninja has to defeat some other ninja who wants to kill every other ninja to prove he's the best. There is a lot of "ninja" in this film. Highlights included the fantastic Ninja headbands (all ninjas need a headband that announces their ninja status), the ninja shell suits, the urban cameo ninja and the screamingly funny dialogue - "Bully, what are you going to do about work? I don't think your ninja skills will help you find a job." Ah yes, a common problem for young ninjas. I think this film would be best viewed while drunk.

This film is one of Richard Harrison's (blonde Ninja) "just add Ninja" films - where some money minded martial artists buy an incomplete Asian martial arts film then add some extra ninja scenes and sell it to us saps in the west.

But i gota admit THIS FILM IS FUNNY and your kind of glad when billy dies...

Check out Richard Harrison's Biography(on this site) for a very interesting tale.

Also of interest is the film " Golden Ninja Warrior" not to be confused with "Ninja Terminator", in fact watch all three of these films and you can actually see the change from all action Ninja films to disturbingly misogynistic exploitation. And that some people just don't learn from their mistakes.

Having actually enjoyed a couple of Godfrey Ho's ninja movies, I had toyed with the idea of tracking down and reviewing them all, but after the travesty that is The Ninja Squad, I think I'll knock that one on the head: just the mere thought that this might not be the cruddiest of Ho's films sends a shiver right down my spine.

For The Ninja Squad, Ho once again takes an old Asian flick and splices in some totally unconnected ninja nonsense (starring Richard Harrison, naturally) to make a completely new product; as always, the result is a disjointed mess, but whereas some of his other efforts manage to entertain by either being unintentionally hilarious, downright sleazy, or both, this one is, for the most part, extremely boring.

The non-Richard Harrison material sees trained ninja Billy avenging his mother's death, not through the use of his martial arts skills, but by gunning down her killers with an assault rifle. It's non-stop action all the way, but so poorly thrown together that it quickly becomes very tiresome. These parts of the film also feature some of the worst dubbing I have ever heard—funny at first, perhaps, but it soon becomes irritating.

Meanwhile, the newer footage features Harrison as Pink Ninja (ooh ducky!), who spends his day swinging his weapon around waiting for villainous rival Ivan the Red to finish killing other assorted colour-coded ninjas (white, yellow, black and that old favourite, camouflage ninja) so the two of them can clash swords at Falcon Ridge (didn't Joan Collins used to be in that?). Moderately amusing in places (Ivan's golden boomerang and frisbee made me laugh), but not enough to make me ever want to go anywhere near this film again.