Trick or Treats

This bottom-rung '80s slasher follows a much-too-old babysitter being stalked by an escaped mental patient on Halloween night. Never heard that synopsis before.

Anyways, I can't imagine anyone but the most avid slasher fan would even be on this movie's IMDb page, but even the biggest fan of slice-and-dice films is unlikely to get any fun out of this one. It's egregiously slow, with most of its running time dedicated to watching a child magician-in-training pulling cheap pranks on the babysitter character. The director didn't invest in any lighting equipment, making some of the proceedings all but impossible to follow. It's bloodless, breastless and suspenseless, which leaves the film an almost complete lack of entertainment.

There's rumblings of the film being a satire, but most of the humor is relegated to a padding scene featuring film editors. And that is heavy-handed and overdone. The rest of the film is neither clever or entertaining enough to be humorous.

Avoid, even though you do get about three minutes of creepy cougar David Carradine action. If you're looking for a cheesy, fun 80s movie for a Halloween night, 1986's TRICK OR TREAT is a much better choice.

After a big opening with Malcolm O'Keefe (Peter Jason) being straightjacketed in his own backyard, and hauled off to a mental institution, TRICK OR TREATS begins.

Linda (Jackelyn Giroux) arrives at her babysitting assignment with Malcolm's odd, practical joke-obsessed son, while his mum (Carrie Snodgress) and her new husband (David Carradine) attend an all-night Halloween party.

Simultaneously, Malcolm decides it would be a good night to break out of the draped-off, school cafeteria posing as a hospital, and seek his revenge. Obviously, this requires an ingenious disguise, stealth, and... well, maybe not. In no time, he's heading home, trying out every payphone along the way.

Meanwhile, Linda has her hands full with the most annoying boy ever born. She would be helped enormously by not falling for every prank the little monster pulls! Is Malcolm ever going to arrive? He sure takes his sweet time! He finally gets home, with 30 minutes of movie to spare! Let the -limited- mayhem unfold.

As murdering maniac / slasher films go, this one is a lengthy slog for very little payoff. Sure, Malcolm is crackers, and he kills a few people, but, he's more pitiful than terrifying. It's interesting that the first two thirds of the movie play out as more of a comedy, only to lower the boom during the finale...

Seriously????? I had to look at the IMDb category to make sure this wasn't a comedy. It's billed as horror. I knew from the opening scenes this one was gonna be an eye roller.

The problem is that it isn't funny in a good way. The movie suffers from bad acting (with no exceptions), too much padding, a bad script and bad lighting. Nuff said.

The babysitter is the worst case of a caretaker I've ever seen and the charge she's watching will start running your nerves in short order. She's quite inept for an older babysitter and its hard to feel anything for her but contempt.

Would I recommend? Nope.

This supposed horror spoof came to us courtesy of the legendary B movie cinematographer Gary Graver, here functioning as screenwriter, editor, D.P., and director. I can get that it's attempting to mock "Halloween" type films, but it seriously lacks any sort of wit, and Graver fails to make it particularly interesting, despite the magic angle. There's a number of familiar faces here, but they're mostly just picking up paychecks in brief special appearances (especially Steve Railsback, who you only ever see on the phone). Graver doesn't achieve any sort of tension, and some of the characters are beyond annoying. There are some guffaws to be had, but they're few and far between.

Top billed Jacqueline Giroux is clearly too old for her role, but is undeniably sexy as Linda, a struggling actress who agrees to take a babysitting gig because it will pay well. The kid in question is Christopher O'Keefe (who's played by Chris Graver, the real-life son of Gary G. and co-star Jillian Kesner), whose mother Joan (Carrie Snodgress) had her husband Malcolm (character actor Peter Jason, recognizable for his work with Walter Hill and John Carpenter) wrongly committed to an insane asylum. Joan has remarried, to a magician named Richard Adams (David Carradine), and Malcolm busts out of the asylum - disguised as a nurse - to wreak revenge on Joan. Meanwhile, Christopher spends the whole night terrorizing Linda with a series of macabre pranks.

If there's anything giving "Trick or Treats" any sort of stature, it's the fact that none other than Orson Welles, for whom Graver worked on Welles's later film projects, is credited as the "magic consultant". And these magic gags do manage to be mildly amusing. Otherwise, this is pretty blah stuff. Jason in drag is a sight to behold, in any event. Railsback and Carradine, who look like their scenes were filmed in a day or less, are utterly wasted in their roles. If you do watch, be sure to look for the following people in supporting roles and bits: delectable exploitation actress Kesner as Lindas' friend Andrea, football players Dan Pastorini and Tim Rossovich as attendants, Paul Bartel as a bum, John Blyth Barrymore (older half brother to Drew Barrymore) as a mad doctor in the movie-within-the-movie, Catherine E. Coulson (the Log Lady from 'Twin Peaks') as a nurse, and the director himself as a counterman. Giroux is somewhat appealing, but her character isn't particularly sympathetic because she falls for the kids' antics too many times, and the kid himself is extremely obnoxious. They definitely detract from whatever enjoyment the viewer might have.

If you must see it for completions' sake, be my guest, but don't get your hopes up very high.

Five out of 10.

I'm not sure why this movie is titled "Trick or Treats" instead of "Trick of Treat," but the filmmakers obviously didn't put much thought into the title — or the rest of the film, for that matter. They could have named it "Halloween," but of course, that title was taken. Then again, the "Halloween" plot was taken also, but that didn't stop the filmmakers from lifting that.

The plot involves a young woman babysitting for a practical joker on Halloween. The boy's father has escaped from a mental institution and returns home to terrorize his ex-wife, who committed him. Are the strange noises and phone calls to the babysitter the result of a crazed lunatic, or just the 10-year-old's pranks? Does the mental patient even realize his ex-wife is out for the evening? Do we care?

The film has absolutely no suspense, the scenes are disjointed and choppy, and the performances are uniformly bad. Even Steve Railsback, normally a commanding presence in B-movies, phones in his performance — literally. This cheap "Trick" has nothing to distinguish it from the crowded field of forgettable '80s slasher flicks. Like the rotten apple at the bottom of a Halloween candy bag, "Trick or Treats" is best trashed and forgotten.