Bikini Airways

Okay, I just saw "Bikini Airways" for the first time tonight, and I was pleasantly surprised just how funny this movie was. Sure, it had a mindless story, but the movie had so many gags and funny lines, it reminded me of any B-movie comedy Jim Wynorski or Fred Olen Ray ever directed.

Here we have Terri (played by Regina Russell, the red-headed vixen) a woman with a womanizing, photographer boyfriend. She gets a call in the middle of the night....it seems her uncle has just passed away. Since he had no children, he left his old, decrepit airline to his niece. The man's name was Hugh Janus (get it?) and the airline is Janus Airways. Janus Air has two pilots, Sam and Dave. When they see Terri for the first time, Dave says, "Hold on, I'm comin'." A bit of an in-joke...funny stuff. It's up to Terri to get the airline back on its feet and out of a $25,000 debt. How is she to go about doing this? Hire strippers to put on a bachelor party during a flight! A slick variation of the old STSWB (save the something with breasts) plot device.

Wild antics ensue during the flight, including various sex scenes, most of which feature the three models/strippers, Traci, Vicki, and Pam (Lori Lynn, Kylie Biscayne and Julie Snow). There was sex all over the place and then some. Gary, the guy chartering the flight, calls his fiance a couple of times during the flight. His fiance, Francine (played by porn star Maya Divine) talks on the phone with Gary three times while she's having sex with the delivery guy. I can't really describe these scenes, they're just too hilarious to miss.

Here's one instance where the storyline was so bad, it was good. Sam and Dave, as the bumbling pilots, were quite funny. The three strippers were funny, Francine was funny.....so many characters making me laugh, and the movie only lasts 85 minutes. The sex scenes were plentiful and better than average for the most part. I'd recommend "Bikini Airways" to any seasoned Skinemax viewer, and even the channel surfers out there looking for heavy doses of nudity. I consider it tapeworthy.

Women: A (Regina Russell looks very good in this one. I was under the impression she was going to stop doing these kind of movies, but it's nice to see she's still making them. I swear that Julie Snow, who played Pam, is really Amy Lindsay using yet another alias. She looked exactly like Amy Lindsay. The rest of the girls looked nice, too. Maya Divine, strangely enough, didn't pull this grade down very much, even though she didn't look quite as good as the other women. I gave her the benefit of the doubt because of her funny lines and sex scenes.)

Sex: A (Plenty of sex, and the sheer amount of scenes keep the grade high. There's only a couple in the first half hour of the film, but once the action moves to the airplane, the sex scenes increase dramatically.)

Story: A- (I'll be somewhat generous on the story here, because I understand what it was supposed to accomplish. Fred Olen Ray, one of my favorite B-movie directors, scripted a film with plenty of in-jokes, funny sequences and stupid dialogue that's supposed to make you laugh. It's like slapstick comedy with sex included. I like that sort of stuff.....not every softcore flick needs hot women trying to have philosophical discussions. My favorite quote is from Traci. "I kept getting D's and F's in school, so I figured I'll just go buy a pair of tits and do bachelor parties! Wooo!" It doesn't get any more mindless than that.)

Overall: A (I laughed, laughed, and laughed some more while watching "Bikini Airways." It's sexy, it's funny, and it passes the time pretty fast. Slapstick humor always scores high marks with me, and adding a heavy dose of sex keeps me watching the entire flick. I thought it was great and worth getting on tape to watch again later.)

Upon learning that she has inherited an airline from her uncle, "Terri" (Regina Russell) goes to the airport and discovers that there is only one airplane and that its in bad need of maintenance. She also learns that she is $25,000 in debt. Fortunately, her boyfriend is a photographer and he just happens to know three female models who are willing to lend their services to help build their portfolios. Not only that but they also happen to know of a rich oil tycoon who has just canceled his plans for a bachelor party because he needs to fly to Miami. Quite naturally he is convinced to do both at the same time for the price of-you guessed it-$25,000. Now rather than reveal any more of this movie and risk spoiling it for those who haven't seen it I will just say this film is a low-quality mixture of comedy and soft-core porn rolled into one. Unfortunately, apart from the pilot "Captain Sam" (Jay Richardson) there really isn't much comedy to be found. Likewise, although there was plenty of sex and nudity most of these scenes lacked eroticism. In short, the movie itself turned out to be pretty dull in my opinion. That said I give this movie a score of just 3 out of 10: one point for the comedy of Jay Richardson and two points for the two pretty actresses by the names of Kim Maddox (as "Traci") and Amy Lindsay ("Pam"). But that's it.

The story line is basically retarded. There are two excellent sex scenes with Regina Russell - at the beginning and the end of the movie. This 85 minute film could easily be condensed to about 20 minutes. Only watch a taped version so you can fast forward thru it.

Terri (Regina Russell), after inheriting an airline from her late uncle (and the debt that goes with it), gets a wealthy oil tycoon to pony up 25,000 to have his bachlor party on her first flight. Groan inducing jokes and soft-core silliness abound. Directed and written by Fred Olen Ray, and better then "Haunting Desires", not that that is hard to do, because I just left something better than "Haunting Desires" in my toilet this morning.Fred PLEASE go back to your B-horror movie roots.

My Grade: C-

The Goods: 6 Sex Scenes (M/F, F/F/F,M/F/F)

Girl of the movie Award: Loni Lynn, I usually don't go for fake gazongas, but i'll make an exception