Pines

The best thing about this movie is that it's free. We expected to watch a low budget "cheesy" horror film, but nothing about any of it made any sense. Take it back-the actual best thing is the Doestevsky quote at the end. Don't bother-there is no plot. Waste of 1.5 hours of my life that I'll never get back.

My husband, daughter, cat Daisy, and yellow lab Darla agree. It wouldn't take a genius to connect the plot to some cohesive idea. The old man gives her a book? What is the significance of that? What about her sister? Where was she? The cut up feet in the woods, the teeth, the boarded up Assisted living? It's one of the worst movies that Daisy has ever seen. Trust me-she could hardly watch even though she was on the nip.

A hospice care provider (Una Jo Blade) tries to find her missing beau in the sticks, but is hindered at every turn by unsavory characters, who might be mixed up with meth labs and the occult.

Shot in 2011 but not released until 2022, "Pines" is a proficiently made thriller/horror directed by the protagonist (Una Jo). It combines plot elements of "Winter's Bone" and "Rust Creek" meshed with the backwoods horror of "Blair Witch" and the beautiful women stuck in an abandoned building angle of "Death Tunnel."

The lovely Una Jo is one of the selling points along with the creepy sylvan ambiance and implication of America-in-decline. The premise of a goodhearted caregiver resorting to violence when backed into a rundown corner is also interesting. Unfortunately, the cut-up storytelling is viewer unfriendly (not to mention annoying), which makes for an incoherent experience. Yet it's effectively disorienting, which is what the creators were shooting for.

This isn't only for horror fans, but also those interested in a grim backwoods drama/thriller, like "Blackway," aka "Go With Me."

The film runs 1 hour, 15 minutes. Regrettably, I can't find info on where it was shot, not even in the end credits; I'm assuming somewhere in the great northwest, possibly Oregon (which is where the studio's previous movie was shot).

GRADE: B-/C+

Where do I start let's see a complete and utter waste of time story that makes absolutely NO sense at all the acting was MEDIOCRE at best and the TERRIBLE editing wow 1 minute here next minute on the stairs next shot shes in a room it's just so bad. Only reason we kept watching was it was free and we were FOOLED again by a false rating of 6.6 and lin shaye as a voice actor. Trust us it's bad dont believe us watch for 10 minutes you'll see and it just gets WORSE FROM THERE . How do garbage films like this get made yet 90 million dollars gets thrown away on a film like batgirl that supposedly is so bad that they dont even release it.. HUH??????