The Mall, the Merrier!

Jokes are all the same. Location is the same. Low budget film. A sorry kind of a movie this is.

Filmed by a mongoloid for the abnoys. If you even like this filth, then you are the problem.

The queues for this movie were massive on the day I went to see it. Perhaps not surprising given Vice Ganda's popularity and the fact that he heavily promotes the movie on 'Showtime' - his daily show on TV. But the truth is - there is nothing merry about this movie. It is tired, way too long and just not funny. The audience started walking out in the last half hour at the showing I attended. I get the feeling Mr Ganda is just cashing in on his popularity and has scant respect for his fans. He needs to up his game for Christmas 2020.

The movie was a trash, seems like conceptualize by a bunch of highschool student on a deadline project. The opening was edited in such a way that joke fits the narrative but failed miserably for some reason they pour too much of this comedy bar jokes for brain dead reason. Vice Ganda could do better than this, give people their moneys worth and not ride on your fame. Shame on the director and screenwriter as well, they got paid to create this pile of garbage of a movie. Goes to show how low the Filipino cinema has became over the past decade.

In my theatre I swear I heard labored laughs behind me. People convincing themselves they're watching something funny, that for a couple of hours their problems in life were pushed aside (and didn't worsen), and that they got their money's worth. I felt very sorry for them.

If laughter's the best medicine, The Mall, The Merrier's filmmakers are albularyos (quack docs).

What happened to Vice Ganda? If my childhood TV memory's right (I hope it is), his movie characters used to be hilarious (Petrang Kabayo), funny (Praybeyt Benjamin), and chuckle-worthy (Girl, Boy, Bakla, Tomboy). But now his flicks barely draw laughter, and when it does, appallingly it is the wrong kind.

Barry Gonzales' (Fantastica) second Vice Ganda flick sucks. It's so bad I promise you it's the worst of the year. It would only lose to Coco Martin's entry in the 'best movie title' category if there's one (we all know the title 3Pol Trobol: Huli Ka Balbon is a stroke of genius).

Directed by Gonzales, written by Alpha Habon, Jonathan Albano, Daisy Cayanan, though obviously machinated by Vice, the flick is set in "Tamol Mall" (pun for tamulmol, slang for stupid, idiot, like the film's slapstick characters), the place where estranged siblings Moira (Vice) and Morissette (Anne Curtis) would compete for its ownership after their parents (Jameson Blake, Elisse Joson) passed. The story would have ended quickly if not because of their family attorney, who left at home the last page of the last will and testament. (Laugh track).

What is this bin of a flick littered with? Facebook/Twitter pick-up lines "nalowbat first sight ako sa'yo"; gays drooling over macho men; girls posing in their bikinis; Lapu-Lapu caricatured to an IP; kitschy fashion match; an excruciating rap battle (I covered my eyes); an uninspired Night at the Museum parody; and most of all, distracting subtitles that didn't match: not as a joke, the names and terms for Filipino pop culture references and punchlines were changed to American ones. What were they thinking? Foreign audiences would care?

Apart from the Victim!-ed moviegoers, I felt terrible for the actors. In the shots of Vice frolicking, in the background you'd notice them smile with discomfort. Lines you'd detect were delivered with a cringe deep inside in every minute their faces are on screen. The adjective 'lucky' are for those who wore mascots with their faces hidden from the camera, and oh to those voice actors. You'd cringe along with them - it's a cringefest.

This flick's a waste of beauty (Curtis, Joson), talent (Dimples Romana, here predictably parodying her Kadenang Ginto character), production and CGI; time - the actors', filmmakers', and moviegoers' (a 2-hour flick we know would air in ABS-CBN months from now), electricity and breathable air. The forced sibling moral lesson at the end is the rotten cherry on top!

I called it a flick - not a 'film' nor a 'movie' - appropriate as malls should have flicked it out of theatres since day one. Even Marius Talampas' Ang Pangarap Kong Holdap, a comedy heist I saw four months ago wasn't composed of famous cast and lavish production elements and yet, it was worth ten times more than Gonzales' (or Vice's) flick.

This is everything that's wrong with the Philippines' film industry and pop culture. Unfunny, cringe-worthy, ignorant, and disgusting, The Mall, The Merrier is an insult to comedy and to the other genres (family musical) it purports to be.

As I bolted out of the theatre, the bloopers rolled, as if the entire thing I sat through wasn't one.

Original unrevised review first appeared on Atenews (01/02/2020)