If Ever I See You Again

You know what I loved about this film ? That both Hack and Brooks wore glasses. In 1978, that was a breakthrough! Remember all the film fatales that wore specks and then when they removed them were deemed beautiful ? Or even the ones like Dorothy Malone in The Big Sleep and many others that had to remove them when they wanted to impress the guy ? Well today lots of girls wear glasses; it's a style thing and I would bet that no one under the age of 25 understands the importance of facial lenses in film. In the old days it just did not happen that a romance could develop between two four-eyes ( or eight eyes in this case) But it did in this film and THAT single thing is what makes it great.

The acting was so-so at best, the direction plodding and the songs sounded like an off key version of "You light up my life." In fact, I thought some of the score was a rip off of that song until learned it was written by the same guy. Perhaps the worst part was the "romantic time together" montage...we see them running, walking on the beach, riding horses on the beach (can you rent horses in LA?), eating, going to the park, etc. etc. It reminded me of a similar scene in the first "Naked Gun" only this was supposed to be serious. It came across as a movie designed to sell a soundtrack...and too often, the soundtrack won.

This movie has to be seen to be believed. It fails miserably on every level. Fortunately, Joe Brooks handled the direction, writing, and lead acting role himself, so there are fewer people to blame for it.

As a romantic lead, Joe has about as much appeal as a potted plant. His leading lady, Shelley Hack, acts as though she were posing for the picture on front of a box of All Bran. It's pretty bad when the most professional acting performance in a movie is delivered by a little girl (Danielle Brisebois).

Joe plays a jingle writer who dreams of being a serious musician, even though all of his "serious" songs still sound like extended jingles, and the classical piece he composes to show off his true talent would be better suited for a group of musical saw players instead of an orchestra. Watching his dramatic gestures as he conducts this ear-splitting opus in the recording studio, as the dazzled Shelley Hack grins at him like a stuffed loon, is one of the most unintentionally hilarious scenes ever filmed.

Joe was obviously hoping for another big chart-topper like "You Light Up My Life", but its inexplicable success was not to be matched by the cringe-inducing dirge that is this film's theme song. I don't know who performed it, but he doesn't sing it as much as he suffers through it. He seems to be battling his way through a particularly intense bout of constipation as he strains to expel the stomach-churning lyrics. But I doubt if even Debby Boone could've made this song any more tolerable.

When I saw this movie on HBO several years ago, I just had to have it. I watch my tape every so often just to gape in wide-eyed amazement at how truly awful a movie can be. As a bad-movie lover, I hold this perversely-entertaining cinematic messterpiece in high esteem -- it's the PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE of romantic movies, and truly one of the worst films ever made.

This is indeed "funny": you either LOVE or absolutely HATE this movie: 40 % (!!!) of all viewers indeed give this a (10 (TEN !!) and app. 21, 22 % give this an 1 (AWFUL !), and then there's hardly anybody in between. Ain't that strange ??! (Frankly, I also don't quite get it how it ends up at low 2,8 with such a rating schedule ? shouldn't it have some app. 5-rating then ...???).

Well, I saw this movie some 20 years ago on TV, some Saturday or Sunday matinée viewing and I liked it then (but then again I was a teen in those days). It impressed me enough to buy the 2 LP-set, ordered it from the USA. I have not listened to it also for a decade or more, but I can still remember the song well enough, since I played it A LOT then.

Now I wonder, should I see it again and I guess, probably not. Older and of course more cynical today then 20 years ago I would probably also give it a lower rating and why spoil an old memory ? :-) I don't rate it, 'cause my opinion is not warrant anymore after such a long time since seeing it, but it was nice and it is probably one that one should see when being young ...

There are different types of bad movies.

This falls into the pretentious bad category, which is the most fun. It is the sort of movie created by someone who takes himself far, far too seriously. He has a degree of talent but not nearly as much as he thinks he has so his strivings for Meaning and Significance and Truth are as clichéd as .... a commercial.

Joe Brooks, a jingle writer of the era, was the 'creative genius' behind this effort. Director, writer, star, teeth grindingly sappy ballad writer. Hey, it was the 'auteur' era so why not get in on the action ? Fortunately, the summer special effects blockbuster was discovered at precisely that time so the threat of Joe Brooks, auteur, was nipped in the bud.