Terror in Beverly Hills

Every year, the Academy Awards manage to overlook a deserving thespian or too. The hardest working man in show business has never received the accolades he deserves. Of course, I am speaking of Frank Stallone. And not only is this movie his greatest achievement, it is the without a doubt the greatest film of all time. Frank Stallone takes the role of Hack Stone to new heights, displaying a range of emotions not seen until The Rock broke through the cinema wall.

Mr Stallone plays a former Special Forces soldier trying to cope in a complex world not of his choosing. Through a series of catastrophes of world importance, he is thrust in the middle of a battle between good and evil. In order to leverage the release of Middle Eastern terrorists, a band of insurgents capture the President's daughter while shopping in Beverly Hills. Well, terror indeed raises it's ugly head, not only in Beverly Hills, but in a particular industrial park somewhere in the outskirts of LA.

The President faces the largest crisis of his administration. Does he submit to the terrorists demands to release their comrades (being held by Isreal, not the US, but that isn't important right now)? Or does he stare down the terrorists by refusing to negotiate, thereby sacrificing his daughter? He goes with plan C, neither of the above. Plan C? Deploy Hack Stone to infiltrate the terrorists lair and rescue the Presidents daughter.

Frank Stallone does not play the part, he is the part! I was totally convinced that he has had special forces training. You can tell by the fact that he only takes one magazine of ammunition with him, carries no protective armor, no communications gear, and has no coordination whatsoever with the law enforcement people outside, that this man has studied hostage situations. By landing his helicopter directly in front of the building of the terrorists, and not taking any cover or concealment, he manages to throw them off balance. Not only that, but by carrying length of blue rope for no particular reason, Hack manages to play head games with the bad guys. When they see that spool of blue rope, they are so intrigued, that can not logically process what to do. Will he tie us up with the rope? Will he swing down from the ceiling on the rope? Maybe he will lasso some stray cattle. By doing absolutely nothing with the rope, those rascally terrorists are terrified, waiting for the moment when the other shoe drops, and he unravels that rope. The anticipation of the rope is enough to keep anyone on pins and needles.

The supporting cast also deserves some recognition, from police official (Capt. Stills) just days away from retiring, to news reporter with the nasal voice (Tony Motta). I only wish that Capt Stills would have taken the last few days off, because I believe that it is not fair for a man who has faithfully served the citizens of Beverly Hills to lose his pension because of what some terrorists have done. Maybe the Police Union could help him. I digress.

And lets not forget those special effects. I was really convinced that they blew up that car as a diversion. And when those Secret Service agents were killed, let me tell you, I had nightmares for days because it was so realistic. George Lucas can learn a few things from these special effects guys. The chase scene rivaled anything from Bullit or French Connection. They way they kept driving around the same building, no wonder they were able to escape. Perhaps if the Beverly Hills Police Department was able to afford a car a little more reliable than an early 1970's Dodge, then they could have rescued the President's daughter. But then, we wouldn't have a movie then, would we?

Overall, a great movie. A realistic plot, slam bang effects, and the greatest and most handsome man ever to grace the screen.

Hardline terrorists bloodily execute a kidnapping in glitzy Beverly Hills on able crooner Frank Stallone's watch, their first mistake! Routine 80s cheapnis B-Shoot 'em up is given additional heft by smooth due Stallone and B-legend Cameron Mitchell. Shallow, crass, and technically shoddy, its frequent bellicosity should keep hardened schlock-seekers amused! Moth-balled dialogue, bouncy, low-rent synth score, cheapo pyro, daytime soap thesping, conspicuous Pepsi product placement, and a weirdly dubbed William Smith lend Terror in Beverly Hills some additional schlock-tastic charm! Will the beleaguered president (William Smith) acquiesce to the evil terrorist's demands and release 55 of their Palestinian brothers? Watch the gloriously dopey, goof-laden Terror in Beverly Hills to find out, just don't say I didn't warn ya'!!!!! Snarkiness aside, Cameron Mitchell's hilariously hypertensive Police Chief is an expletive, bad-tempered treat! Slicker than a well-oiled whetstone, tougher than whale bone, granite hard marine Hack Stone is a one-man war zone!!

My hat goes off to John Myers, if I were wearing a hat. This movie manages to cram into about 90 minutes every cliché known to the action genre. Take a disillusioned serviceman who just wants to be left alone, a misunderstood Middle Eastern terrorist, and an unending supply of B-Grade actors, add in over $50 worth of special effects, and you have one hell of a movie. It can't get any better. When terrorists kidnap the president's daughter and kill her security detail of 3 Secret Service agents, naturally, only one man can save her. No need to call in the FBI Hostage Rescue Teams or military commandos, because one lone Special Forces soldier is called back on active duty by the Commandant Of The Marine Corps. (Why a Marine is giving orders to a separated Army member is never addressed.) With his trusty coil of blue rope and an M-16 with one magazine of bullets, Hack Stone (Frank Stallone) enters the terrorists lair of "the old bean factory". But the evil, Third World bad guys play dirty pool by kidnapping Hack's wife and son. Using stealth, ingenuity, and some form of martial arts no one has ever heard of, Hack sends the bad guys off to meet Allah, one by one. Will Hack, working alone in the bean factory save the presidents daughter? Will the Chief of Police, just days away from retirement, save Hack's family? And will the annoying newscaster who looks and sounds a hell of a lot like Jon Lovitz ever appear in another film? For the answers to these and other important questions, like what's with all the cans of Diet Pepsi, or when did the presidents daughter get a chance to change her underwear, you'll have to watch the film. Good luck finding it, I got my copy in a used video flea market for $5, and after 6 years of faithful service, it has spoken it's last cliché. It was produced by A.I.P.Home Video, which I believe does not have a web site (might be out of business). If you enjoy movies with minimal plot, zero originality, not very special effects,bad lighting and audio, and endless technical errors, this is your movie. This movie contains gratuitous female nudity, liberal use of the f*** word, and all around bad acting. Not recommended for children or people without felony convictions. I love this film! Mrs. Stallone must be proud. Two fine actors from one family. Watch out, Baldwin Brothers! UPDATE: AS of 2002 (or so) this "film" is now available on DVD. You can find it in the bargain bin of less reputable video stores, or get it on ebay (Postage is usually more than the purchase price). Just like the VHS version, audio and lighting are less than desirable. No cast or director comments. I would have loved to hear the back story on making this masterpiece.

Everything has to go exactly perfect in the bad department to produce a true epic of bad. Such perfection obviously struck a home run with "Terror in Beverly Hills". Bad script, check, bad director, check, bad acting, check, over dub all dialog, check, washed up name actors on board, check, overkill Pepsi product placement to pay for the atrocity, check, gratuitous nudity, check. Now stir this awfulness up and hope what emerges from the cinema sludge is not just bad, but great bad. "Terror in Beverly Hills" hits all of the above great bad qualifications, and thus can take it's rightful place along side what I consider to be Oscar material bad cinema, "Mighty Peking Man". Pepsi must be extremely proud to sponsor such greatness, with product placements everywhere. Cameron Mitchell is a standout here, and acts like he never even read the script while he totally improvises his Police Captain character. It's also possible he was paid per F. bomb he drops, or the inept director just said "surprise me" with your performance - MERK

Often the symbol of decadence, Beverly Hills took a cinematic beating in the early 90s through films like THE TAKING OF BEVERLY HILLS (1991) and this cheap Frank Stallone action flick. Actually, calling it "cheap" is an insult to cheap films. This film is on the level of Al Adamson cheap. We're talking one long shot of a white limo driving down the road while characters voice over as much exposition dialogue that the shot will allow cheap. So cheap that a bomb consists of nothing more than a lump of clay with a digital watch face pressed in it. And yes, so cheap that William Smith's trademark gravely voice is dubbed. You get the point. Yet at the same time, they managed to shoot on location in Israel for the opening.

Top billed Stallone stars as Hack Stone (yes, Hack Stone), but only appears in roughly 10 minutes of the first hour of the film. A majority of the time spent concentrating on Abdul (Vassoughi) and his Palestinian terrorist group as they hide out in an old bean factory. TERROR tries hard to elicit the thrills of DIE HARD but on a stretched budget of $10. When Stallone finally shows up for work in the last half hour, he enters the abandoned factory with only a rope and an M-16. I guess anything else would be unnecessary. And he manages to take out the entire terrorist unit without even using the rope! The film's sole highlight is the completely foul mouthed, over the top performance by Cameron Mitchell. As Police Capt. Stills, Mitchell seems to be making it up as he goes along, to great effect. While holding a press conference, an airplane flies overhead and Mitchell stops what he is saying to mutter, "Goddamn airplane!" Later he yells at a plain clothes cop, "Who the f#*k told you to wear that outfit?" When the cop replies, "You did," Mitchell barks out, "Well you know I have no f#*king sense of style!" Then again, maybe it was scripted that way. The screenplay by director Myhers (who co-scripted the Don Knotts/Tim Conway vehicles THE PRIZE FIGHTER and THE PRIVATE EYES) is laughable. "Come on man, don't be an a#*hole," utters Stallone when he finally confronts Abdul.