Bottoms Up

"Bottoms Up" definitely deserved it's fate. It's an unfunny mess.

Jason Mewes plays Owen, who is a bartender. His Dad's bar is about to close because of money problems. Then out of the blue, Owen sees there's a "King of The Bar" contest in California. He applies, but doesn't win, and now he needs to get the money fast. He meets Lisa Mancini (Hilton) and blackmails her to be popular.

It's a very stupid plot, with the choppiest editing I've seen in awhile. There's no buildup, or segue into scenes, There are plot holes and there is dialogue missing. And the "Golden Palace.Com" plug was the most shameless plug ever. "Hey man, I have an idea, let's win some money at Golden Palace.Com!" says one character.

Also why does Paris have blonde hair on the cover, but she's a brunette in the film? Jason Mewes was trying his hardest to breathe life into his character, but the script let him down. Paris Hilton was also trying... but not too hard though. She's basically playing herself. It's funny when other characters call her "A whore". Truth in jest perhaps? Let's not mince words: "Bottoms Up" is terrible.

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I love bad movies. I do, I love watching them and laughing at their absurdity. This was a bad movie that I couldn't enjoy.

Maybe it was because I couldn't get passed my previous conceptions of the two leads. To me Paris Hilton is always Paris Hilton, for better or worse I cannot get "That's Hot" and Tinkerbelle and well everything else associated with her public persona. And Jason Mewes...he's Jay, I see him and I wonder where Silent Bob is. (As a side note Kevin Smith is in the film, although not silent, thank God, he's probably the funniest person in it!) And here I was thinking it was impossible to have worse chemistry than Hayden Christiansen and Natalie Portman in Episodes II and III...Oh boy was I wrong. Mewes and Hilton make them look like Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. Not that they don't try their best. I can't help but think that this character Owen is closer to the real Mewes than Jay...He's silly and goofy but also a little sweet and incredibly loyal. As for Paris, she seems very uncomfortable as Lisa, which is strange because this is not a person I have ever seen feeling uncomfortable about anything.

Now on to the supporting cast, who I must say, are excellent. Like I said before Smith, as Owen's lazy farting best friend back home, is hysterical. The guy who plays Lisa's boyfriend Hayden is great. Also Owen's Uncle Earl is hysterical, as are the guys in Hayden's "posse" This is definitely worth the rental, but except crap...even from crap...

This movie is awful! I would rather stab myself in the face for ten years with the blunt end of a pencil than have to sit through this awful, awful, awful, awful movie again. I can't believe I made it all the way through once. This movie was worse than watching a plate of dog poo for an hour and a half. I will set my TV on fire if anyone ever tries to watch this movie on it again. Paris Hilton was obviously sent from a horrible, cold planet of untalented heiresses who have billions of dollars they didn't earn and don't deserve, in order to destroy our planet by getting us to watch horrible, boring garbage like this until we all kill ourselves out of horrified boredom. Then they will move in and make earth shitty like their planet and continue making awful movies.

I made two mistakes that I never intended to do ever again. Those two mistakes were:

[1] Completely forgotten to check IMDb before watching this film [2] Completely forgotten the fact that Miss Paris can never act !

And because of the mistakes, I have sat through an hour and a half watching this dull, boring and utter crap film. I never thought that I'd be reviewing film that Miss Paris acted in, but I think there is need to tell readers how bad this movie is. Whilst commenting on this film would not get me a Nobel prize, at least it'll save valuable time to those who listen to my advice not to watch this film.

A very poor rating of 1.9 out of 10 is a testament of how bad the film is. It shows that albeit some may find the movie to their liking, majority of the voters said that this movie is very bad ! So my advice is, pass this movie, and buy / rent some other titles instead.

Paris Hilton is...... Paris Hilton. No matter how many films she had starred in, or how many hours she had spend time in acting classes, the fact remains that she can never act. Experience does come in handy in other profession, but in acting, it's clear; One either have the talent, or one do not. Watching her wooden acting is so painful, and I hope she can quit acting, and find other better things to do instead. I think it is better if she becomes her dad's apprentice and learn her way in hotel business. She'll be a suitable heiress to her dad business.

So, a palatable score of 1 out of 10. To those who are involved in the production of this film, count yourselves lucky because I can't rate this film a zero.

I've noticed a goof in this film.

Paris Hilton is listed as one of the actors in the move which is strange as she's so wooden I thought someone had thrown a chair onto the screen.

Possibly the worst movie I've ever had the unfortunate experience to see...! Why people hire Paris Hilton and think she will draw a crowd is beyond me. I think its because these people are genuinely brain dead and have no talent to speak of.

Clearly a movie bank rolled by people who have too much cash and too little ideas.

So lets pull together - mail your mates and make this the no1 worst movie of all time to show the idiots who come up with this stuff were sick of it.