Legami violenti

A good film about an ugly subject: male-on-female domestic violence.

Here's some valuable back-story (not a spoiler): I've known Paul Hegstrom and his wife personally. According to them the film is an accurate portrayal of what an incredibly messed up man Paul Hegstrom was. Paul no longer *physically* beats his wife. However there are plenty of ways the physically abusive can continue the cycle of abuse without raising a hand. Anger issues and deep seated insecurities can be manifested in many ways than physically.

Another reviewer said, "I believe it was very courageous for the real life Paul Hegstrom to put himself out there and tell the world what he'd done. We all make mistakes, not many of us can admit it." Big assumption there. Paul Hegstrom has made a lot of money by promoting through his books and "counseling ministry" the stereotype that men are abusive and women are victims and that the inverse is rarely ever true; and where it is true the man must have done something to deserve it.

Take what good you can from this film, but don't presume that the central figure on which the film is based is a role model of genuine redemption. Unfortunately there are many physically abusive men (and although Hegstrom would deny it, women too) who overcome their physical abusiveness only to continue being equally abusive emotionally and psychologically. ALL forms of abuse are wrong and, unfortunately, this film may only perpetuate the stereotype that physical abuse is more evil than other abuses, and that only men are responsible for abuse.

I expected a cheesy 1990s era B or C movie coming into this, but was pleasantly surprised. This is not normally the kind of movie that I would review, but seeing as though it has had such little attention, I thought I would leave my thoughts.

This is actually a fairly solid movie that has a tangible and believable message. You actually feel connected to the characters, and I must say that Ritter performs his role masterfully. No spoilers here, but I think that this is a tight and tidy script with above decent acting that deserves some kudos for not trying to be more than it is.

Ritter, usually Hollywood's Mr. Niceguy, plays a holy terror in this tale of raging spousal abuse. Very effective film showing how a family can be torn apart for years by a lunatic who was created by the actions of his own father. Realistically played out, this picture could serve as the 'poster' movie for a problem which is apparently more pervasive than I had supposed. A definite must see.

John Ritter was well known for playing nice guys so in Unforgivable he takes a turn to the dark side playing a hard drinking, wife beater in this true life television film.

Ritter plays Paul Hegstrom a whiny car salesman who abuses his wife has a girlfriend (Beth) on the side and when he walks out on his wife and kids he soon turns on Beth as well hospitalizing her in a bout of rage.

Beth forces Paul to join a counselling group for abusive men or else she will press criminal charges. He reluctantly joins a radical therapy group with other spousal abusive men like him and eventually realises the extent of his abuse and the effect that it had on his wife and kids, especially his daughter who wants nothing to do with him.

Ritter relishes playing a more darker character but the TV movie does pull its punches a little because of its medium. Paul is shown to be rather one dimensional, a charmless loser, he is argumentative with his boss and even testy with his friends. Usually these types of guys are charming at work and with their friends to highlight their Jekyll/Hyde nature.

Kevin Dunn plays the counsellor who gives his usual good performance but the rest of the therapy group did not convince me, looking like a bunch of stereotypes causing friction with each other, eventually having some sort of comradeship when they each realise the errors of their ways.

Of course Paul has to make amends with his family but although his wife might be prepared to forgive him, his daughter is not. Like a lot of American movie of the week true stories I am not sure how faithful it is to the real life scenario, an intriguing film but not wholly successful.

As a clinical counsellor working in the treatment area of relationship violence, I found John Ritter's portrayal of a man coming to terms with his own violent behaviour to be astonishingly realistic. Ritter manages to play the real life character in Unforgivable with a depth that reaches past a surface presentation of the overt behaviour of the individual he plays. Ritter, his co-stars and the filmmakers have achieved this masterful work by richly exploring the character's thoughts, feelings and learned behaviours that ultimately manifest in his abusive personality. Themes such as cycles of abuse perpetuating through family systems and the discovery of empowerment to change through overcoming denial and accepting accountability are also well presented in the film. Unforgivable can actually make for more than quality entertainment for general audiences, as its story telling, realistic outcome, and the quality of its performances bode well as education for audiences genuinely concerned with changing their own abusive behaviours.