A Incrível Viagem de Pico e Colombo

This is one of those films where you just don't have any idea why it was even made. Why in the world would Germans feel drawn to a story featuring Christopher Columbus, a wood worm, a firefly princess and some sort of horribly, horribly animated swarm something-or-other? I just keep asking myself over and over again, "Why?"

The overall animation doesn't even come close to looking like anything out of the 1990's. It is very simplistic, drab and amateur-looking. Supposedly stationary objects jiggle back and forth and the mouths of characters don't match the words being spoken way too many times.

Forget about all of the important ingredients necessary to make a decent animated film. Dom DeLuise and Corey Feldman as your main voice talent? Ugh. Sheesh...and the songs in the film! You will thank me for the following advice: Do not keep any sharp objects lying around while watching this film! If you happen to find a pencil before you find the "Mute" button on the remote, well, you will probably be tempted to use it to puncture your eardrums. The sole good song is the one by Al Jarreau over the closing credits.

I don't even know where to begin as far as the story goes. Something about a wood worm who walks and talks and wears clothes. He has a carrot for a nose and tells Christopher Columbus that the world is actually round and not flat or square. The wood worm, named Pico, snags a girlfriend but she is later kidnapped by a swarm creature. Columbus convinces the Queen to give him three ships so he can sail to Asia and Pico tags along to try and find his girlfriend. They end up landing on a tropical island and find a fortune in gold. Is any of this sounding interesting to you?

This is one of those many films where you just know that the story behind the development of it is infinitely more interesting than the film itself. I don't know why the Germans didn't make something that they could relate to better. They tried to emulate an American animated film but completely and utterly failed. Even early episodes of "The Smurfs" are filled with more complex storytelling and cutting edge animation than this disaster. Bon Voyage! 1/10

Ahhh, bad animated films. We love these kinds of flicks don't we? We love moaning about the annoying characters that we want to bash their brains out, we laugh at the rushed and cheap animation and we cringe at the crappy songs that won't make any of the Disney songwriters cry in their sleep.

Now with this little beauty here called The Magic Voyage, you have to take it with a magic pinch of salt.

You can either call it a horrible horrible film that has no redeeming qualities and is just annoying to watch, or you can go the extra mile and call it a bad film but still unbelievably funny to watch.

Guess which path I'm taking Sherlocks? Yep, that's right, the second path because I found the Magic Voyage to be a hysterical piece of animated trash from our good ol friends in Germany.

Now I can sort of see what they were going for here, they wanted to give Disney a good run for their money and try to make an animated film. They tried but they more or less failed on all accounts.

The animation here is unbelievably bad, like Paddy The Pelican levels of awfulness. This kind of thing would feel more right at home on 70's Saturday Morning TV with some other "classics" like all those toons focusing on those popular stars.

Oh yes you're also in for a treat, because like it's little brother Felix The Cat, half of the dialogue doesn't even match with the lips. Great fun for all, you could take a shot each time they make this error.

Voice acting is pretty bad, not like Felix though but still bad nonetheless. Look Mr DeLuise, I love you man but you just wasn't right for the role of Christopher Columbus and the less said about that wood character thingy the better.

Are you a person who loves history? Too bad, better look elsewhere because this is also packed with tons of historical accuracy, it goes completely off the walls and makes even Pocahontas look even more accurate by comparison.

Oh yes and this film doesn't know when to take a quick breathe just like Felix, so it's pretty loud half the time. I'm pretty sure, if this film was a real person, it would be dead in under 10 minutes or so.

Magic Voyage was hysterically bad and incredibly funny to watch. It's basically a trainwreck that is so big you can't help but just watch it anyway. A gigantic failure for all involved and pushes animation back 80 million years. (Hold on, did animation even exist back then? Beats me.) Right, I'm off to make my own historically inaccurate animated film. Byyyeeee.

Do you remember A Troll in Central Park? You know, the film that had very annoying characters, terrible songs, a pathetic plot, and horrible writing? Yeah, but at least it had beautiful animation, solid character designs, cool looking visuals, and even the voice acting was even entertaining.

This........

Oh, boy. Where do I even begin?

It revolves around Christopher Columbus who wants to journey to prove that the world is round all because of a woodworm named Pico, who meets a fairy princess of the moon sprites, but is later captured by the evil swarm lord who wants to use the princess to find the sacred light in the Aztec temple. So, they team up with other animals like three rats and a beaver with an Eeyore-like voice to save the princess and battle against the swarm lord.

You think that the Germans of this horrid film tried to make a story about the Spanish explorer (in this movie he's Italian) traveling around the world, but you're wrong. There were so many things that were totally wrong with this movie.

The animation was awful. It had lazy character designs and inconsistent backgrounds. It kind of looks like Disney, but at most times, it looks like a Saturday morning cartoon.

The voice acting? Ugh! Don't even get me started on the voice acting. I mean, I love Dom Deluise, but he's just wasn't meant to be in this film. They've done a horrible job with their voice performances.

The songs? Oh, god. They were so annoying it makes me want to press the mute button. The only good song is the one by Al Jarreau in the ending credits.

The story was ridiculous. I mean, an evil swarm lord? Princess of the moon sprites? Sacred light? Is it me or did the Germans drank too many beers when they came up with this kind of crap. Well, at least it had done what it set out to do, but that's not worth sitting through this god awful torture.

The Magic Voyage is an awful film. It's horribly animated, poorly acted, and of course, the story is completely ridiculous. If there was some way to get to the Germans, I would say: BEGONE ALL OF THY!

This could be, by far, the worst animated foreign film ever made. Surely it's the worst I've ever seen in a long time.

Why would the Germans try to tell a story about Christopher Columbus? This is insulting to history, insulting to children's intelligence, and, worst of all, insulting to Columbus and his crewmates. This is actually so bad I can't even put it in paragraphs. How bad is this movie? How is it misguided? How is it so insulting to history? Here's a quick checklist:

01. A Talking Bookworm Named Pico (Corey Feldman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

02. A Princess Firefly Named Marilyn (Irene Cara, Fame)

03. An Evil "Swarm-Lord"

04. Pico Telling Christopher Columbus (Dom DeLuise, The Secret of NIMH) That the World Is Flat When In Reality Columbus Figured It Out Himself

05. Columbus Going To The King & Queen To Tell Them His/Pico's Idea Of Finding The New World When In Real Life It Was The King & Queen Who Told Columbus To Find the New World

06.Stereotypical Crewmates

07. The Most Corny-as-Hell Dream Sequence Where Columbus Pulls A Spyglass Out of His Penis

08. The Crewmates Trying To Hang Columbus When In Reality It Never Happened

09. Talking Beavers Helping Pico and Marilyn Defeat the Swarm-Lord

10. Columbus Using A Sock-Puppet To Get The Long-Found Gold. Again, It Never Happened.

11. Stereotypical Natives In The New World

12. The Most Sugar-Coated Ending In Which the Natives Honor Columbus, Columbus, Pico and Marilyn All Heading Home Alive and Safe and Columbus Talking About How The World Will Improve Within the Next 2,000 Years. There's Not Even An Epilogue That Tells How Several Of Columbus's Crewmates Were Killed By the Natives.

See how bad this movie is? Not only that, it rips off Jim Henson's "The Dark Crystal" and "Labyrinth", as well as Don Bluth movies like "The Secret of NIMH", "All Dogs Go to Heaven" and "A Troll In Central Park" (and I thought THAT movie was bad.). The only saving graces of this movie are Dom DeLuise and Irene Cara. Other than that, it's loud, rude, and TOTALLY disrespectful to history.

** out of **********

From IMBD Trivia: "During the film's release in German theaters, director Michael Schoemann stated that the reason this film doesn't tell the real story about the discovery of the New World is because he wanted to create a film from a more satirical view in order to differentiate ourselves clearly from the lofty views of history, so we can present Columbus as a lovable, charming, and befuddled scholar, rather than having him portrayed as a greedy explorer as depicted in history books."

Christopher Columbus is a very controversial figure these days and instead of dealing with the controversy the filmmakers of "The Magic Voyage" decided to skirt this controversy by simply making up everything about Columbus. They also decided to include some common myths about Columbus. For example, the film says he traveled west to prove the Earth was round instead of flat...though folks in the 15th century knew the Earth was round. I'm a history teacher...trust me about this! So, from the outset you must understand that the film is NOT a history lesson...and I cannot see why parents would show a movie to their kids which is filled with myths and lies. Despite being nearly complete fiction, is the film entertaining? After all, kids won't care if the story is true...but they will care if it's boring or awful.

The story is, naturally, about Christopher Columbus. But in this version he is given ample help by his new friend, Pico...a worm...or is he a grub...or an alien...or a talking piece of cheese? Well, it's hard to tell, as the 'thing' has two arms and two legs! Whatever it is....it's a most unusual friendship...even by cartoon standards.

The quality of the animation in this film certainly won't be mistaken for Disney. It's not terrible...but it certainly is second-rate...or perhaps third. The songs are okay...and one of them is pretty catchy. As for the script and dialog...it's simply not good and often brings in fairies and other things which seem REALLY out of place. Combined with the historical errors, it's a film I'd be loathe to show to anyone...especially kids. And, considering everything, I don't thinks would mind skipping this one.