DOA: Vivo ou Morto

Christie is a jewel thief fleeing the police in Hong Kong. Tina Armstrong is a pro-wrestler seeking to defend herself against claims of being fake. Kasumi is a ninja princess who has left her clan to avenge her brother's death. The three individually wind up being invited to join DOA, a competition where the finest fighters compete for the title of world's greatest (and of course a big wodge of cash). Once on the island location, the fights begin but it seems like not everyone is just here for the contest and other agendas come into play, not least of which from the mysterious organiser Donovan.

I just heard a news article on the way today about how video stores are gradually shutting down as the various ways to get movies squeeze them out of the market. Defending this was a claim that online renters cannot replace the store as they don't send you stuff in any order and can give you a comedy when you are in the mood for a drama etc. One hour later I got home to find myself living that argument as LoveFilm had dealt me DOA right off the bottom of my long rental list! Regardless I sat to watch it as sometimes it is good just to veg out and, on this level, I suppose it might just work if you are target audience.

There is a very basic plot here but mostly it is lots of non-stop action from start to finish. Sounds great right? Just what the doctor ordered – a tight, exciting action movie that never lets you go. Right. Only problem is that the action is roundly poor. The approach is the same for all the fights – lots of video game moves, CGI, unbelievable wire work and, if all else fails two words – "slow" "mo". It all failed to engage me as it was all so very obvious, unimaginative and uninspiring as there was just no heart or grit to the action – just loads of visual flair. As if this wasn't enough to tell you that the target audience is the teenage male, we have loads of soft sexuality that will just seem childish to most adults but will titillate the type of boys who fanaticise over Lara Croft.

There is no doubt that the female leads have great bodies but they lack a sensual edge that a strong woman character would need to be sexy. Instead these lot might as well be just dolls, thrown around and undressed as the boys see fit. Beyond their curves they have nothing in regards character and their performances mostly match that. Pressly has a lot of grace from me because of me liking My Name is Earl but she doesn't do much here other than wheel out that trash mouth she does all the time. Valance is a non-entity in regards acting and it is only the odd (hilarious) "oh gosh look she's nearly naked" scene that made me notice her. Aoki is poor and I maintain that her continued appearance in films and as a model is not evidence of her talent so much as it is of how much influence Daddy has. Carter is cute like the rest of them but is lumbered with the task of being pawed by Howey doing a totally unconvincing geek performance. Roberts is comically miscast and the rest of the support makes WWE look like Shakespeare in the park.

Overall then a roundly poor film but one that will probably just about satisfy the male teen market looking for video game fighting and partial nudity. Adults and those with more discerning tastes need not apply.