Beauty and the Geek

Let's face it. Ashton Kutcher was never a genius. But even his wild, immature antics on "Punk'd" can be justified compared to the pure stupidity of the contestants on "Beauty and the Geek." Actually, it's more like "Selfish, Stereotype Hottie and the Pathetic Loser." This reality show is basically a cross between a dating show and a college thesis experiment. It takes a certain number of average, somewhat pathetic, guys, most with freakishly high IQ's, and forces them to live in a mansion with an equal number of extremely hot, shallow girls that they get to drool over. And they aren't exactly Ivy-Leauge material. Each girl is paired up with a guy who, to their dismay, is their roommate. In each episode, both the guy and the girl educate the other to face two different challenges, including how to change a tire and to salsa dance. In the end, two teams face off, and one is eliminated.

The idea itself isn't bad. Changing someone's shallow judgment on national TV through a reality show sounds interesting. But the pure, undeniable stupidity of the female contestants takes away from the power that this show could have. Watching them fail a fifth grade geography test isn't funny, especially when the girls are in front of an audience. And the chemistry between a 'Geek' and a 'Beauty' is crushing to watch knowing that her adorable, lovable partner has a crush on her.

Some good lessons do come out of the show. Very early into the series, almost everyone has learned not to judge a book by its cover, and they are heartbroken at the thought of leaving each other. But it happens too early. The entire theme basically is destroyed, and we're bored again. In the end, it softens up on the Beauties and helps the Geeks with their less-than-adequate people skills. They all are left with some moral and educational lessons. And we're stuck wondering why such nice guys couldn't get dates before, regardless of how they look.

Though it might soften your superficial heart a little, it isn't as entertaining as it is cruel and embarrassing. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is better.

I have to confess that I usually detest reality television. I think that it's the absolute worst form of popular entertainment in America right now, and its only intention seems to be capturing the decadence, humiliation, and absolute worst qualities of those involved, and then exploit those traits. Yeah, "Joe Millionaire," "Survivor," "Hell's Kitchen," "Fear Factor" and any other band of nameless dreck can kiss my a**.

Bearing this in mind, "Beauty and the Geek" is actually a little innocent, if not entirely or (somewhat) shallow and unoriginal. In other words, you already know from reading this whether you want to watch it or not. But as you would have it, you have seven self-proclaimed geeks and seven absolute drop-dead knockout beauties. They have to pair up and complete a number of tasks and each week, one couple is eliminated and the last remaining couple gets a $250,000 reward.

The geeks are some of the geekiest and smartest guys you'd ever want to know. One is the vice president of a "Dukes of Hazzard" fan club, another is a member of Mensa, and one has never been on a date. Some of these guys have no clue of how to socialize with a member of the opposite sex and the show (thankfully) doesn't exploit that fact, as some of them see this as perhaps the first big opportunity in their lives to meet someone special and maybe sweep her off her feet. But yeah, they're pretty desperate, if you haven't guessed it yet.

The beauties on the other hand, include an NBA model, an aspiring fashion designer, and a life-size Barbie model. They have the bodies and the looks and could have any guy they wanted, but are dumb as a sack of nickels. Some of the girls freely admit to not giving a damn about an education and sleeping in class, as they look to getting everywhere based solely on their looks. When one is given a quiz on U.S. geography, she can't name the state east of West Virginia.

It's been dubbed in advertisements as a "social experiment," as one member of each group is set to learn traits and social qualities that the other lacks. The girls are able to learn some smarts; the guys are able to learn the social skills required to talk to really hot chicks. Some of these tasks for the beauties and geeks would include the girls having to change a tire, and the guys having to learn how to give a girl a massage. (Whoa. As a semi-nerdy guy myself, hey, maybe I should have tried out for a spot on this show.)

One thing that this show has that's been lacking in every other dreadful reality television show is heart. H-E-A-R-T. The characters don't seem to be stereotypes and aren't played simply for laughs. The guys aren't full of themselves and the girls don't take advantage of their social ineptitude. What I mean is, the geeks are Everymen and the beauties are Everywomen, they're really just everyday people with everyday jobs and lives.

I think that if viewed in a proper light, you'd find a show that has a degree of innocence lacking in today's entertainment. The guys are shown to be sweet and benevolent in their intentions, as are the girls, who aren't complete airheads but are shown as just needing a taste of something different in their lives, and I think that is the show's whole point.

I anticipate "Beauty and the Geek" getting a bad rap anyways, despite what I've written here. Observe, however, that I'm not showering this reality television show with praise; I'm simply noting some of its most admirable qualities and contrasting them with everything else that's out there showcasing people at their absolute worst and most tasteless.

As stated earlier, "Beauty and the Geek" has one thing going for it, and I think that's in its innocence and attention to its characters, who aren't reality television archetypes (i.e., the bitch, the loser, the stalwart hero-guy, and the slut.)

"Beauty and the Geek" - Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

Seven male geeks pair up with seven female beauties in a luxury mansion in Los Angeles. The objective? The geeks must teach their partners geeky things whilst the models must teach the geeks how to be a bit cooler and socially aware. Will the geeks act typically shy and socially inadequate around their heavily bosomed partners? How will the models react to differential equations? In each episode, the partners are put to the test to see how much they've taken on board, with the worst performing couple booted off, and the ultimate winners splitting $250,000.

Having first watched the UK version of this show I decided to give the US version a try. I enjoyed the UK version despite myself because everyone seemed to be into it, the presentation was relaxed and the humour was gentle and tongue-in-cheek. My first impression watching the original US version was how similar the UK one was to it – the music, the graphics, even how the people stand on the stairs all looked the same. However the one main way that the US version is different is how seriously it takes itself – it is a "proper" game show with a host while also presenting it straight down the line. So yes there is humour to watching the geeks be geeks and the beauties be a bit dippy but there is nothing on the same level as Peep Show's David Mitchell's gently sarcastic narration. Certainly Brian Mcfayden (no, thankfully not that one) is no comparison and he is a very bland host – taking it all too seriously and having nothing about him that is interesting or original.

The geeks are a solid mix of normal people who are a bit smart, dorky people as well as at least one who is basically Woody Allen exposed to radiation to the point where he has become an Uber-geek. The beauties are a fairly bland collection of white women with just one ethnic minority thrown in. In fairness this was the same with the UK show but the British ones had different personalities and backgrounds making most of them actually quite interesting. Sadly in the US they are pretty much all the same and it does take something away from proceedings. The show allows them to be themselves and draws comedy from that but any potential for poking fun at them is lost under the overwhelming gushing about how we're all the same underneath, not judging others etc etc. True the UK one had similar bits but it was not as heavy handed and emotional as it was here.

The tasks are still entertaining enough but the people not being as interesting meant that I didn't really care who was evicted or not. Overall then this is a so-so game show that pales in comparison to the much better UK version. Maybe if I'd seen the US one first I would have liked it more but as it is I just couldn't help but find the UK version funnier, lighter, less serious, not taking itself too seriously and all in all more entertaining. The idea is still solid enough in theory to produce an OK show but if you want to see it in a different light then check out the UK version – it does the same things well but dodges a lot of the "American" weaknesses.

Someone wrote in their comment about not believing that Richard (season 1) could actually be that strange. I promise, he actually is that way in real life, he's not acting on the show! I actually went to school with him (though he graduated in 2005 I believe) and had a Spanish class with him, and he was great! He spoke Spanish perfectly and concisely and he was so entertaining. I wish they'd gotten him to speak Spanish on the show. I never got to know him personally but we have a few friends in common who have nothing but nice things to say. I hope to see more of him in film or television in the future; last I heard he wanted to head in that direction (though I could be wrong).

Network: WB/CW; Genre: Reality Comedy; Content Rating: TV-PG; Perspective: Contemporary (star range: 1 - 4);

Seasons Reviewed: Season 3 & 4

If you know the concept, you've pretty much seen the show. 7 geeks and 7 beauties pair up , live in a house together and try to stay in that house long enough because the last pair standing gets $250,000. But we aren't here for the money are we? Of course not, we're here to learn a valuable lesson about life and how to treat those around us. Exactly what TV is good at… right? "Beauty and the Geek" is yet another variation on the "Wife Swap"/"30 Days" model in which TV steps in like a humanitarian to "mend the divide" between everybody in America – this time for those whose minds are still in high school. Understanding that that supposed "division" in America is a media concocted myth will help to understand why these shows are doomed to failure from the start. Yet I like "Beauty and the Geek". I like this stupid, phony show just as I took sadistic pleasure in "Average Joe".

Before I get into what delicious brain-candy it is, first a checklist of all the social myths that "Ashton Kutcher's social experiment" is guilty of perpetuating: 1. Women, by nature, can't be geeks. 2. Geeks are defined by simple stereotypes as liking computers, Star Trek, Star Wars, having beards, wearing glasses and being virgins. 3. Beauties are defined by simple stereotypes as being blonde, tan, thin, ditsy and wearing only skimpy tight clothing. 4. People are one or the other. If someone is beautiful they must be dumb, if they are socially awkward they must be smart.

The show doesn't reconcile any of these. We don't learn that the women are really smart or men are really cool, we just see them learn to accept the differences in each other. Another annoying quality to the show is that while all the tasks of the beauties (at the risk of sounding catty, I'm using the word very loosely in many cases) teach them to become more well rounded contributors to society, learning about everything from aeronautics to carpentry, the tasks of them men are oriented entirely toward teaching them "what women like". Because, apparently, there is no higher achievement for a man then to get a girl.

So, if you're taking the show as a serious social experiment you will be sorely disappointed and probably highly offended. It is hard to deny how phony and clearly scripted "Beauty" is. Edited with heroes and villains, twist endings and heart-warming moments. Not to mention, an improbable romance, both in season 3 and prior between two people who will probably never see each other again. Bt every once in a while a reality show comes along that knows what it's doing and it is hard to deny that despite itself, "Beauty" is crafted in a way that delivers some real laugh-out-loud moments. There are even a few authentically heart-warming moments in here too. Although, it isn't what you'd expect. I was more moved by the friendship that blooms between Mario and his beauty (using the word appropriately now), Nadia, than I was in the opportunistic please-love-us "romance" between Nate and Jennylee. Mario and Nadia were adorable.

The nature of the game doesn't make a lot of sense from the beginning and it ends up cramping the fun as the season moves forward. People aren't eliminated because they fail the tasks, they are eliminated for simply not winning, at the arbitrary choice of the winners. As a result the most interesting teams are thrown out early. Take 3rd season Uber-Geek Piao, "alternatively, you can call him Pi". Once your resident crazy SOB who delivered an obscenity laced rant for a comedy routine and drew a single boob when asked to sketch a nude woman has been kicked off the show… really, what's the point in watching?

As a show, "Beauty and the Geek" suffers from "American Idol" syndrome: it gets less interesting, less funny, less entertaining as it goes. Early on we see a lot of bonding in the house. The funniest stuff shows us the beauties and geeks in their natural habitat. For example, the geeks trying to figure out that "booty" could mean anything other than pirate treasure. But soon the socializing is replaced with wall-to-wall tasks. "Beauty" races toward the finish line way too quickly, collapsing potentially funny and sweet moments of bonding between the groups into quickly edited montages that leaves us wanting to see more. Worse, the premise has barely gotten a foothold into us when the show cheats on itself and gives the geeks makeovers. Yep, those beards and glasses come off and faster than you can say "She's All That", they're studs. What's "Beauty and the Geek" without the geeks?

Filling "Beauty and the Geek" out into a few more episodes would have helped it greatly. Even so as guilty pleasure, socially inept reality shows go nothing has quite made me laugh as loud or as hard this one. And that counts for a lot.

* * * / 4