Drink Slay Love is a Lifetime film adaptation of a YA romance book about vampires and sparkly unicorns. I know what you're thinking: can anything be better than this? No. The answer is no.
My best friend and I are both "mature" adults in our thirties and go out of our way to watch "so bad it's good" movies. Lifetime is a gold mine for a good cringe-fest, and Drink Slay Love was no exception. The acting in this is pretty awful on all accounts. The story is senseless and derivative. The special effects? Great for 1985! The rules of this universe are not well explained in the slightest. (For example: when a vampire bites a human, do they a) not notice and their bite heals immediately including the dripping blood? b) get sick? c) die in a bloodbath at prom? d) all of the above at random times when the movie deems it interesting? If you answered D, you are correct!)
As you can tell, this movie is a great time for those of us who enjoy laughing at a film rather than with it. I have two complaints: upon checking out the novel this movie is based on, it mentions that Pearl gets her powers via a sparkly unicorn. Um, where was this unicorn? Lifetime instead decides to rely on some blonde with a penchant for using white magic on birds to explain this change, which I assume has some connection to the book given the ending with this character.
The last complaint? My favorite character was Brad, the thirsty-for-lovin' nerdy convenience store clerk that the main character uses as her cattle to feed on. After no less than three feedings off of this poor innocent soul, a climax fight scene happens with no resolution, and Brad is never heard from or seen again in the movie. Excuse me? Did he die? Did he escape? Were his memories of the vampires wiped? Has he found his true calling of being the Master of the Universe? Brad was the best part of this movie. Brad carried this masterpiece of a flick with his awkward stuttering and gaunt features, and I literally found him to be the only sympathetic character of the film (well, Pearl's father's voice was epic, and blondie's bird was pretty dope, too). But...Brad. Brad, though. WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAD?
In the end, I rated this a 6/10 based on entertainment value alone. I would have given it at least an 8/10 if it had given Brad's character a resolution. If there was a sequel starring Brad, I would probably support it day one and it would stand the test of time with other movie classics of history. Until then, Brad was the best part of this movie, and his time was cut absurdly short. He was only in Drink Slay Love for a combined five or six minutes, but his legacy will live on in my heart forever.
And don't forget...NOTHING MESSES WITH MY PROM!
