The Mighty Gorga

On a hunch I picked this one up at the local video retailer, where it was reduced down to ten bucks, thinking it might afford a few laughs. And I was not disappointed. This one is thigh slappingly funny, from the giant ape, whose anatomy consists of a bad mask and two furry gloves (we never see him in full shot), a rubber dolly dinosaur which seems to be doing impressions of Geoffrey Rush in "Shine" and a heroine who....pauses.....more.....than.....William......Shatner. This woman even screams in a monotone. Compulsory viewing.

Oh, boy, what can I say? The worst giant ape suit ever shown in a movie, and the horribly fake looking, obviously plastic T-rex (and this is coming from a guy who actually found the mechanical sharks in each of the JAWS movies convincing). Think of how much more laughable this would have been if the movie had been about the Tyrannosaurus. It may well have rivaled THE GIANT CLAW for silliest monster movie ever. Forget KING KONG LIVES, _this_ is the worst giant ape flick that has ever been released. A must-see if you're a bad movie fan.

Lost world movies are generally fun, the sort of thing Saturday matinées used to be made for. There was an intrepid hero, a pretty girl, a wise scientist, a villain, a comedy relief and a couple of throwaway characters whom you knew would not make it to the end of the picture. Expect monsters, hostile natives and maybe even a volcanic eruption. All of which would be lots of fun. Well most of those elements are present in the movie I am here tonight to talk about. There is just one thing missing. The fun.

Anthony Eisley owns a circus that is about to go bankrupt if he does not come up with a new attraction. Eisley tells his partner that a "great white hunter" in Africa has sent him a telegram saying he knows where to find "an overgrown gorilla" and quicker than you can say "Professor Challenger" Anthony is winging his way to Africa.

The hunter who sent the telegram is nowhere to be found but his daughter April (Megan Timothy) says he vanished into the jungle several weeks ago. Eisley suggests they go search for him and the giant gorilla at the same time. Complicating matters is Morgan (Scott Brady) a rival trapper whom you just know is going to be a lot of trouble before the picture ends. Anthony and Megan make their way through the dense jungle (allegdly Africa USA but it looks like the wooded area behind a shopping mall) and finally arrive at the base of a plateau. Yes, before you can say "Lost Continent" they are climbing, even though neither brought anything in the way of mountain scaling equipment or even food!

Now the fun really starts. Reaching the top of the mountain with relative ease the lower-than-low budget of this movie begins to show. Megan looks off camera and says "Look at those strange trees!" and Eisley responds "Those aren't trees, they're giant mushrooms." Then she looks in the other direction and Anthony says "That species of plant hasn't existed on Earth for millions of years." (Okay so a circus owner is well versed in botany, it could happen!) The script really enters gonzo-land when the pair spot a South American Indian running through the brush. Now what is he doing in the middle of Africa? Sadly we never find out, that potentially interesting plot point is quickly forgotten.

The local natives worship The Mighty Gorga, a gigantic gorilla (you're surprised?) and regularly make sacrifices of the local pretty women to him. As the witch doctor says to the ape at one point "I know your thirst for the blood of the maidens is great!" I guess he does not know gorillas are vegetarians; though it offers the question of what exactly does happen to the woman Gorga carries away? Megan and Anthony find the missing hunter (whose name is either Bwana Jack or Conga Jack, no two people in the picture seem sure of just what to call him) but there is still the problem of how to get off the plateau without getting killed by either the natives or Gorga. Oh and don't forget, bad guy Scott Brady is waiting at the bottom of the mountain.

So who write this picture, Ed Wood? I know it sure feels that way but Eddie had nothing to do with this. It was the brain(?)child of David Hewitt who gave us WIZARD OF MARS, JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF TIME and GALLERY OF HORRORS among others. He was the Ed Wood of the late 60's. No really, I meant that as a compliment.

Special effects include a battery run model of a Tyrannosaurus that had previously been used in the softcore film ONE MILLION AC/DC and half a gorilla costume. I'm serious! We only see Gorga from the waist up! What happened Dave, did you lose the bottom half of couldn't you afford to rent a whole costume? Process photography is terrible,with Gorgo clearly in the foreground while Anthony and Megan are in the blurry background. The ubiquitous Bronson Canyon caves show up again, this time playing the interior of a volcano where a fire monster lives. If the stop motion dragon in the cave looks familiar its because thrifty Mr. Hewitt borrowed a few seconds of footage from the muscleman picture GOLIATH AND THE DRAGON.

So does Gorga get captured and carted off to the circus? Hey, see the picture for yourself and find out. Is this movie a so-bad-it's-good classic? No way! This movie makes WIZARD OF MARS look good by comparison. It's on DVD know so you can suffer . . . er . . . I mean experience it for yourself. The laughter you hear will probably be your own.

What can you say about this fine film? My pals and I enjoy getting together a few Fridays a month and watching "bad" cinema - anything and everything - Turkish Star Wars rip-offs, Indonesian ghost movies, gory Vampire movies from Brazil, bad American biker movies. Well, after a long line of cheesy gorilla movies - Konga, Mighty Peking Man, etc. we have stumbled upon this....this....thing. The sound recoridng is so bad, which is a shame because you miss LOTS of bad dialogue. Plus the actors flub their lines constantly and keep on going. Obviously the budget for this 1969 epic must have been 100 bucks and some sandwiches, so it all looks like "we got one take and that' sit. Fine. Print. Lets move on." Horrible acting, there are literally NO special effects, just the worst big monkey outfit I have ever seen (the yes of the ape are just glass marbles,no blinking, no nothing). Now, the first twenty minutes of this film are very hard to take, but hang in there - once they get to the "jungle" (its filmed in Simi Valley, California and it looks it) and stumble the nest of a dinosuar, hold on - because it gets good. BAD good. The phoniest T-Rex you ever saw - in fact it lookslike someone holding up a PLASTIC dinosaur toy just in front of the camera lens and shaking it. Anyway - incredibly bad but oh so good. LOTS of laughs.

A cast of familiar B-movie stars is most appealing. But start your gall bladder engines, quick! I cannot express feelings about the designers who created an ape costume with eyes that look to the right. That's only the minor feature this one has to offer. I'm going to dictate something to you that will shock and amaze you with a bloated stomach. No one, and I repeat, NO ONE has ever thought of filming an ape and a miniature plastic "Godzilla" that came from the Ideal toy factory, in a conflicting battle to their graves for supremacy! Pentium III graphics it sure ain't! Imagine yourself living in 1969. You'd agree why 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY blows this miles out of the sea in stunning visuals. Well, that's enough. Don't forget to eat your daily regimen of bananas and go ape wild! How embarrassing!