The Bitch

Joan Collins returns as middle-aged, sex-mad uber-bitch Fontaine Khaled in the inevitable sequel to The Stud, which sees her becoming involved with a hustler named Nico (Antonio Cantafora), who is trying to raise money to pay off his debts to the mob. But Nico isn't the only one with financial problems: Fontaine is also feeling the pinch, her divorce leaving her far less affluent and her London disco Hobo failing to pull in the crowds.

If you enjoyed the tacky disco-era smut that was The Stud, there's a very good chance that you'll enjoy The Bitch as well, this sequel delivering the same heady concoction of swinging sex, melodrama, and crazy dance floor action, all accompanied by a throbbing soundtrack of '70s smashers (including Leo Sayer, Real Thing, Blondie, and The Three Degrees).

Fontaine has nookie with every man she meets (sporting black basque, stockings and suspenders and chauffeur cap to seduce her driver), there's a swimming pool orgy scene (yes, another one!), Nico screws a mystery woman who turns out to be working for the mob, and Ian Hendry turns up as British gangster who wants Nico to pay off his debts by doing a small favour for him.

It's all instantly forgettable trash, as one might expect from a film based on a Jackie Collins novel, but it's fun for the duration.

This film is really a load of tosh and a waste of Joan Collins' considerable acting talents - BUT - if you grew up in the 1970s you will have a certain nostalgic affection for it. I remember very well the iconic nightclub "Regine's" on which Fontaine Khaled's disco was based - even with the same squared dance-floor - and the fashions with lots of bright colours, flashy jewellery and designers such as Yuki.

The dialogue is absolutely appalling and the delivery by most of the actors stilted to say the least.

If you "suspend disbelief" and take this film for what it is; a piece of nostalgic, escapist fluff; then you are in for quite an enjoyable way of passing an evening - AND you'll enjoy all the 70s disco music!

An owner of a 1970's London disco gets sexually involved with a shady medallion man who may have dangerous Mafia links.

What a pile of junk this is! But, somehow and some way, I have a soft spot for it. A guilty pleasure that should be whispered lightly and only in limited company. It is so camp that on release it probably drove drag queen rushing towards the exits.

It does - however - capture the 70's disco scene and fashions as well as the faceless hits that pumped out of them. Clear and brainless padding though they are.

This is based on a (Jackie) Collins novel that shows the imagination of a newt: discos, glamour, the mob, diamonds, dancing and guys who think they look better with a thick moustache. If you were given the task of writing a script based on clichés you couldn't do better than this.

Lead Joan Collins, only a few years before so down-on-her-luck that she was signing on the dole, takes her clothes off for about six milliseconds to reveal a pale skinny body that has seen better days, but you still would, wouldn't you?

Everyone hated discos, even the people that went to them every week. Boring places where girls danced around handbags and every girl you spoke to was "waiting for her boyfriend." A plastic imitation of a good time. Not to mention that horrible, insisting, pounding music that made any dance floor conversation impossible. If there is a hell - it must be like a 70's disco.

Yes, you are probably going to hate it. Yes, you won't see what the point it is. But it is like a bad war film about a war that you went through yourself and have the scars to prove it - it keeps you involved even though there is a million other things that you really should be doing.

Unfortunately, "The Bitch" is neither campy enough nor trashy enough to live down to its sensational(istic) title. In fact, apart maybe from a pool-orgy sequence, it is rather quaint. Joan Collins' character is hardly even a bitch - she is just rich and liberated. She does get to flash her magnificent bare body, which should be enough to get a rise out of most viewers, but this film is more of a promo for disco music than anything else.

Joan Collins seems to delight in filming some of the most trashy novels written by her sister Jackie, and playing the part of the most outrageous character in the book. How else can one explain her roles in the films of "The Stud" and its sequel "The Bitch"? Viewers comments in the IMDb database for "The Stud" probably say all that really needs saying about both of them. I find watching such films is rather like attending an unwanted disco party - it is painful whilst it lasts, and after it is over, I am left to ask myself what made me waste so much time doing something so futile. In the case of "The Bitch" this analogy is particularly appropriate as the lighting for much of the film is very like what one might expect to find at a disco, and is probably equally capable of leading to a headache. However there are usually short periods of enjoyment to provide some small consolation during even the most futile party. Watching this film, the consolation for me was a very short pool party which was free of psychedelic lighting effects and was not only more restful on the eyes but also quite amusing to watch. In consideration of this I will rate the film at two out of ten, rather than giving it only the one that it really deserves.