The Teacher

Former "Dennis the Menace" star Jay North and WIP-vet Angel Tompkins star in this ridiculous story of an affair between a student and a "teacher" (funny, we never see her actually teaching anything). Tompkins clocks some obligatory nude scenes, but anyone expecting a softcore sex romp is going to be pretty disappointed--this movie has an actual (if completely deranged) plot where both characters are being stalked by a crazed Vietnam vet who's obsessed with the teacher and blames the kid for the death of his younger brother (don't ask). Any entertainment value is purely unintentional, however. The kid's parents are especially hilarious. The mother foists her son on this "older woman", saying things like:"I know he's my son, but I find Sean very attractive." His father on the other hand is totally alarmed that his boy might be making the beast with two backs with a sexy, 28-year-old woman (every father's worst nightmare I'm sure). It all ends completely preposterously. This is evidently supposed to be a tragic drama, but I would recommend it as a so-bad-it's-good comedy were it not for the very slow final act and the wretched, vomit-inducing theme song. OK, but not great.