Hard Rock Zombies

I recently watched Hard Rock Zombies (1984) on Shudder. The storyline follows a rock band that stops in the wrong town, plagued by curses, Nazis, and midgets. A young lady in town falls in love with the singer, but unfortunately, the band is killed. She uses a curse to bring the band back to life to try and save the town.

Directed by Krishna Shah (American Drive-In), Hard Rock Zombies stars E. J. Curse (Late Last Night), Ted Wells (Saint Nick), Phil Fondacaro (Willow), Richard Vidan (Terminator 2), and David O'Hara (Biohazard).

This is one of those movies where you keep asking yourself, "What did I just see?" as you watch it unfold. The costumes, settings, and soundtrack all work for the premise. The makeup for the zombies looks like I could have done it, and there are some bad montages. However, there's also a werewolf with two switchblades, Nazi midgets that eat cows, elements of puppet masters, and a great ending. The props are hit or miss and had me cracking up throughout; there's a scene where Arthur has the worst "branch" prop I've ever seen. Despite this, the ending is worth the journey, making it one of those "so bad it's good" films.

In conclusion, Hard Rock Zombies is an absolute mess with enough worthwhile elements to make it enjoyable. I would score this a 6/10 and recommend seeing it once.

Travelling to the redneck town of Grand Guignol, where they hope to impress a music mogul with their next show, a heavy rock band pick up a beautiful hitch-hiker who invites them to stay at her home, which she shares with her bizarre family. Once in town, the band runs into trouble with the authorities, and lead singer Jessie falls in love with local girl Cassie, but the band's outrageous rock 'n' roll antics and Jessie's blossoming romance are short lived: the musicians are murdered one-by-one by their strange hosts, who turn out to be a bunch of bloodthirsty ghouls led by none other than Adolf Hitler!

Following the band's funeral, a distraught Cassie plays Jessie's last recording—music inspired by an ancient magical book that has the power to raise the dead—which results in the pasty faced foursome clawing their way from their graves to seek revenge, and to play one last gig.

When I first saw Hard Rock Zombies, on its original video release over 20 years ago, I thought it was absolutely awful; these days, I find the film slightly more bearable thanks to its nostalgia factor (gotta love all that big hair rock!) and my unhealthy love of cheesy 80s crap. However, I still struggle to understand what the hell its makers were thinking of: were they intentionally aiming for cult status with this insane mix of rock and horror, or is the film a genuinely inept, asinine piece of trash made by a bunch of totally talentless fools? The jury is still out on that one...

The film starts off promisingly, quickly scoring points for gratuitous use of both nudity and dwarfs, but rapidly becomes a jaw-droppingly bad mish-mash of musical interludes and inept gore (courtesy of FX man John Carl Buechler), interspersed with moments of complete inanity: the dwarfs watch on as an old man (later to be revealed as Hitler) shtups his wife; the old lady turns into a werewolf; the hitch-hiker dances to herself for no reason in the desert; one dwarf eats himself; the band survive an electrocution while practising; and one guy momentarily avoids being eaten by pretending to be a zombie (beating Shaun Of The Dead to the joke by a couple of decades).

It's all utter garbage, of course, but somehow strangely compelling.

Anyone going into this movie looking for a blood curdling shocker is barking up the wrong tree here. The title of the movie should tell you that. On the other hand, if you want to feel the tears run down your cheeks from incredulous laughter and your throat get sore with the groaning at the awful sight that's facing you, then maybe you will be able to suffer it.

Rock star wannabes who maybe should have found out what music is first, a dwarf Nazi zombie, a re-incarnated Adolf Hitler, a few dim bimbos, terrible audio and visual and you have everything you could possibly want!

Great lines, including a girl picking up her boyfriend's head and asking if he's OK are priceless. I take my hat off to the scriptwriter for having the front to write this stuff down.

Anyway people, it's one you have to take as you find and enjoy for the rubbish that it is. It is bad horror at it's finest.

This film has it all! A pedophile romance, a switchblade wielding werewolf granny in a wheelchair, Hitler, zombie midgets, awesomely cheesy 80's tunes, nudity, and some of the worst acting and editing i've ever seen. This is one of those rare movies that's so bad it's good. It's offensive, bizarre, and just flat out hilarious (unintentionally, of course). If any of the aforementioned story elements intrigue you or if you're just into really low-budget 80's horror movies...then this might be worth checking out. Would make an awesome double feature with "rock and roll nightmare". The love ballad "Cassie" should be the theme song for all pedophiles.

You can guess it is not a movie to watch with high expectations, but there should be at least something for the actual fans of the genre i.e. extremely low budget zombie movies, rock'n'roll and the 80s as such. Sadly, there isn't. Technically speaking this production it is not even a movie, but a remade 20-minute piece and you can notice the desperation of the filmmakers trying to fill the other 78 minutes with anything at all, which included full songs played by the band on stage, totally random interludes and repeating the same video sequences. The unrelated scenes could disturb the plot and the logical course of events, if there were any, but in fact there wasn't much.

This movie is quite different from other zombie movies, surely it is gory and tasteless at moments, but for the most part it is incredibly boring and the things which make no sense are not even that funny. It can be quite a disappointment for hard rock and heavy metal fans (who are most likely to pick this movie: come on, zombies, Hitler and rock'n'roll) because it doesn't really feature the 80s' music they would listen to. The tracks are not hard rock and not even rock'n'roll. I liked the love ballad "Cassie's Song" though. I think I'll even give the movie an extra star for that (the base rating was 2 for "bad, but I managed to watch it till the end").

I find this movie a little too bad even for people specifically interested in bad movies. Unless things like Nazi zombie midgets really do it for you, then you totally should go for it.