Private Resort

I watched this in 2022 as one of the last films to complete my attempt to watch all Johnny Depp's films, something I started about 20 years ago when i was a kid, but at the time these old low grade films were impossible to find, it was probably only available on VHS and too expensive to be worth my buying at the time. Now, we have access to everything with the internet, which is a blessing as well as a curse. Anyway this film was so bad it was actually good. They don't make films like this anymore. Films that are really trying to be good but actually are really bad. The only films you will watch that have this energy now are films that are intentional pastiches like the Scary Movie films and that sort of stuff. Films that are aware that they are using all the stereotypes and having fun with it. This film uses all these cheesy stereotypes but legitimately tries to be a good film, which is hilarious. Kind of like Birdemic. So for this awesome nostalgia from a time when some innocent people were still able to buy into this kind of stereotypical filmmaking, you can watch this. There are some legitimately funny set pieces with Johnny and Hector Elizondo too. Its like the type of movie I would expect to get from Poundland in a 2-in-1 DVD special buy.

Not exactly a historic film, but quite hilarious none the less. A sex comedy that showed a lot of the time and got some laughs. Johnny Depp did very well for being one of his first movies. Very good in general, and i would strongly advise you see it.

Private Resort (1985)

*** (out of 4)

Incredibly stupid but funny teenage sex romp has two teens (Rob Morrow, Johnny Depp) staying at a rich Florida resort where there's plenty of beautiful women to try and get in bed. Also on hand is a jewel thief (Hector Elizondo), a muscle bound ladies man (Andrew Dice Clay) and various other nuts. If you want high level comedy of Billy Wilder then you best stay away from this film but if you want juvenile humor mixed in with beautiful women getting naked then this film is just for you. This is clearly a rip of Porky's and all the comedy is incredibly dumb but it's still funny. Elizondo steals the show as the wannabe Mafia guy but Morrow and Depp are also fun to watch. Leslie Easterbrook from the Police Academy films also stars (and yes, she's naked).

This is a lesser member of the 80s sex romp genre. It's the second film of the yet unknown Johnny Depp. That's the only reason I checked it out. It's a T&A romp in a Florida resort and hotel. Confident Jack (Johnny Depp) and his more reserved friend Ben (Rob Morrow) have fun and hijinx trying to hook up with all the hot young women. They constantly run into jewel thief 'The Maestro' (Hector Elizondo), the resort manager, and the jerk Curt (Andrew Dice Clay).

Girls, I'll tell you up front that you absolutely see Depp's butt. He struts around naked and so does Morrow. Clay slaps the guys around. There are some slapstick. It's exactly what you expect and none of it is terribly funny but it is somewhat cute. It's all very silly and stupid.

The only thing to raise this above all the other pointless '80s sex romp is the combo of Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow. They are a couple of fun guy buddies. They are a likable charismatic duo. Without them, I couldn't possibly give this a 6/10.

I knew nothing of this film before I saw it. It was a free "On Demand" film from Comcast. I didn't even know Johnny Depp was in it. I thought the plot description (which was vague) sounded like every other girl-crazy sex comedy released after "Animal House," and I got what I expected.

To be fair this is entertaining. No, it's not a great movie. It's not very well made. It's crude. It's sexist. It's all about sex.

But that's exactly what it's supposed to be. Graded by the standards of its genre, it works.

It's about two kids (one of whom is played by Johnny Depp) who gain access to a private resort in the middle of the Caribbean (presumably). There's no backdrop. We don't even know how they got in to the resort. And they look about 16, so it's odd to see them going after women in their 30s and 40s (sometimes succeeding).

Depp wasn't famous yet (correct me if I'm wrong but this was his first starring role in a film to speak of?) and this certainly didn't help boost his career (he took a considerably smaller role in Oliver Stone's "Platoon" the year after) but he displays charisma and good charm that would carry on into his later movies.

The film's take-it-as-it-is attitude makes it entertaining. It's a simple sex comedy with crude laughs and running gags, a lot of which aren't very funny, a few of which are, almost all of which are at the least amusing.

Worth catching if you see it on cable some time.