The Beach Girls

As classic a piece of 80's cheeseball as you will ever find. Its worth the time watching it just to follow the "zany" antics of the gardener, who always seems to be in the right place at the wrong time. Some of the worst writing and acting anywhere, with so many bad lines delivered its hard to pick out which is the worst.

The acting in this beach romp feast is not to be compared with the likes of Citizen Kane, more likely to that of Hard Bodies 1&2. This movie would by most standards be regarded as a "B" movie, but even at that it is a easy viewing movie, there's no political messages, no stands for anything, just some parody, slap-stick and a little skin. If you feel this movie may not be mentally stimulating enough, sit back,relax and mellow out for a little laughs and silliness.

I saw a trailer for THE BEACH GIRLS while I was working my way through BCI Eclipse' Drive-in Cult Classics 1, 2, 3, and 4 (featuring Crown International Pictures releases) on DVD.

In this offering, BCI paired THE BEACH GIRLS with "Coach" as a "Welcome to the Grindhouse double feature." Sex, drugs, alcohol, post-graduation party; and, drug smugglers… this film holds nothing back! This movie is everything "American Pie" wanted to be (but without the pastry abuse!)

Like other Crown International Pictures features, THE BEACH GIRLS packs a lot of story in a very short time. It is almost a cross between "Malibu Beach" and, "Weekend with the Babysitter." THE BEACH GIRLS features a group of young people graduating from high school into a way of life where sex and drugs are widespread, without any moral consequences.

In the opening scene, when we first meet Sarah, we can see that Debra Blee really has a "Jane March kind of vibe going on" (think "Color of Night"); and, sense the simmering sexual undercurrent that lies beneath the bookish exterior, which is the whole point of the movie.

As for the supporting cast, Bert Rosario, as the horny gardener, steals every scene he is in – he is hilarious, with some of the best physical comedy and sight gags in the film! The fight between Wang and the gardener was a scream.

The score features fun beach music and driving rock ballads.

A nice flashback to the fictionalized version of the early 80s.

The highest grossing film of 1982 was saccharine-sweet family sci-fi classic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, but how many sexy young hotties did it feature? None, that's how many (I'm sorry but Drew Barrymore and Erika Eleniak were far TOO young to count, and Dee Wallace was too old). On the other hand, The Beach Girls is chock full of pert naked and semi-naked cuties making it hands down the superior film in terms of gratuitous T&A. In your face Spielberg!

In fact, of all of the teenage sex comedies I've seen from the 80s, The Beach Girls has got to be one of the finest in terms of sheer quantity and quality of breasts, the number of scorching hot chicks willing to whip off their tops easily compensating for the film's dumb plot and desperate humour. The driving force behind this constant tirade of topless totty are best pals Ginger and Ducky (beautiful blonde Val Kline and brunette babe Jeana Keough) who visit their friend Sarah (Debra Blee) at her Uncle Carl's swanky beach property with the aim of partying hard all summer. Before long, there's a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals, although prudish Sarah is reluctant to join in the fun, keeping her plentiful assets under cover much to the frustration of hunky drifter Scott (James Daughton).

The wild partying looks set to end earlier than planned when Uncle Carl arrives home unexpectedly after a tip off from nosy neighbour Mrs. Brinker (Mary Jo Catlett); however, Ginger and Ducky aren't about to give in without a fight and convince Carl to see things their way by seducing the lucky bloke. Another party is soon under way, and proves to be an even wilder affair than before thanks to the discovery of several bin liners full of weed washed up on the beach (having been dumped in a hurry by incompetent drug smuggler Captain Jack). Under the relaxing influence of the pot, and with more than a little encouragement from her friends, Sarah eventually sees the error of her ways, realises that life is too short to have inhibitions, and learns to have fun—by popping her top off to reveal her awesome rack and getting it on with a very lucky Scott on the beach. Don't you just love a film that comes with a valuable life lesson?

This a lot of mindless fun, but don't make the mistake of thinking that all The Beach Girls has to offer is non-stop childish smut and teenage debauchery, 'cos you would be wrong: in addition to all the nudity and drug-related humour, the film also offers discerning viewers some truly surreal moments (a strangely out-of-place food fight gag and a talking bag of pot being quite bizarre), a silly secondary plot-thread featuring a bumbling coast-guard crew led by a captain who talks like Humphrey Bogart, a bit of frisbee action (admittedly from a woman with big tits), and Carl's Mexican gardener fighting his fiancé's Japanese chauffeur in a mud pit. So much more entertaining than a wrinkly alien and a flying bike, don't cha think?

7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for IMDb for the lovely Debra Blee, who reminded me a little bit of Jennifer Love Hewitt.

This prototypical 80's film was pretty fair, I guess. This one isn't about anything but having a good time and some fun. Unlike today's party movies, this one doesn't try to be anything more than that, nor does it rely on gross out humour. Fortunately, they have a pretty attractive cast here, including one woman who looks a lot like Katie Holmes. The one lady I could recognize here was Mary Jo Catlett, who played the third maid on "Diff'rent Strokes"; here she's your Conservative type who tries to blow the whistle on the house party. Not bad, I'd watch it again, although any movie that promotes marijuana use is questionable in my eyes.