Casablanca Express

Yeah, like the other reviewers write, this is one lousy movie. Featuring big star children Jason Connery and Francesco Quinn, it's hard to imagine being able to take a promising premise (Churchill taken by the Germans on a train) and turn it into absolute garbage. The only acting worse than Jason Connery's was Francesco Quinn's. Man, they are lousy. Even known actors don't fare well. Glenn Ford and Donald Pleasance seem old, tired and disinterested. French actor Jean Sorel looks bemused throughout, and the whole thing is lifeless and oh-so-boring. I could forgive the mass historical and military inaccuracies if it was entertaining, but it doesn't (IMO) even rise to the 'so bad it's good' level. It's just bad. Oh, I did state that there was about 30 seconds of film that was worthwhile. That would be the scenes early in the film where Jinny Steffan, who's kinda hot, is showing her boobs :)

The plot is a WWII attempt by Axis powers to kidnap Winston Churchill.

What we have is an epic style film here, one of those larger than life Indiana Jones type flicks that isn't meant to be taken seriously, and goes instead for the thrills and bangs.

And it pretty well does that. We have mega stars Pleasance and Ford doing the older officer bits, and we have young action heroes doing quite well in the "not to be taken seriously" action. Of course it is off the wall action, but there really isn't any attempt by the director to disguise this. This is James Bond or Indiana Jones style escapism.

The characters are not overly deep, but more intended to convey comedy. Again, there is no attempt to disguise this.

We have some surprises, especially in the identity of the spy. Nothing big, just enough to make it entertaining.

Lots of needless shooting and silly action scenes. If you like Bond flicks, you'll like this, though. Same thing.

This film was on a DVD with another film, "The Swiss Conspiracy," so comparisons are inevitable. I gave this a 6 because I thought it was better than "The Swiss Conspiracy." Which isn't saying much. But I actually liked this film a little better than most of the other people who commented on this board.

Its stars are Jason Connery, son of Sean, and Francesco Quinn, son of Anthony, along with Glenn Ford, Donald Pleasance, Jean Sorel and Jinny Stefan.

One thing that made me deeply regret watching this film was that I had never seen Glenn Ford in anything he did after Superman - until this 1989 movie. Though I give him credit for not wearing a hairpiece or getting a face lift, his appearance was an unwelcome shock.

The story concerns getting Churchill to Casablanca via train. I am not the World War II expert that some of the other reviewers here are, so I can't speak to the inaccuracies. I found the action sequences, especially those concerning the train, exciting, suspenseful, and well directed.

One thing that was somewhat stupid - one of the Germans goes through the train, shooting anybody in his way - we're talking men, women, or children.

Then he tells his commander that one man, whose dead body the commander sees, came after him and he had to shoot in self defense. "I told you not to kill any civilians," the commander says. So much for following orders - there was hardly anyone left alive or not wounded on the entire train of civilians!

As for the rest of the movie, forget it. I didn't feel that Quinn or Connery had any charisma or acting ability, though I notice that both men continue to rack up jobs. However, they are very handsome.

Connery (who isn't in this) seems to come from the same Star Children Acting Academy - when they don't know what to do, they shake their heads and tighten their lips as a reaction to some event.

This normally means that the camera is on them when they have no dialogue, and they think they have to do something. They do, but on film, often an internal thought that expresses itself in the eyes is better. Sometimes less is more. Of course, less can be less, too. Connery did this grimace/head business constantly, never changing expression.

The film had that grainy, cheap look to it and poor color. Possibly the people in this movie have moved up to better quality projects. I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing.

An old-fashioned WWII adventure piece, starring some elderly Hollywood vets and the sons of some great stars. Unfortunately, even with a great cast and crew, the movie comes off as forced and corny all the way.

Churchill takes a train to meet with Roosevelt and Stalin in Casablanca. German paratroopers attempt to capture the train and take Churchill alive, but their efforts are hampered by Allied commandos.

The movie is, honestly, really bad in just about every department. Jason Connery and Francesco Quinn (PLATOON) try really hard, and have enough talent to squeak by, but neither would be as convincing or at ease as their fathers (Sean Connery and Anthony Quinn). Manfred Lehmann is a pretty nasty-looking but very incompetent German officer who leads the assault on the train. Donald Pleasence (THE GREAT ESCAPE) and Glenn Ford (IS PARIS BURNING?) are onhand as the Allied generals running the show from headquarters.

The movie is chock full of supporting characters and plot elements which have absolutely nothing to do with the action. There's a Catholic priest, a couple prostitutes, nuns, Arab sheiks, and British civilians riding the train who all end up getting killed. So much emphasis is put on these characters, all of whom are focused on only to be thrown away.

There are a lot of plot holes and such which also hamper the story's credibility. Glenn Ford seems to hate Churchill and blames him for Pearl Harbor and the death of his son, but this subplot is forgotten about halfway through the movie. Men sit around talking for the first thirty minutes or so about nothing that matters, providing lots of details on events and actions which don't matter a bit. The Germans manage to take over the train quite rapidly and wipe out a platoon of American guards, but in the final act a couple good guys with MP40s are able to wipe out just about the entire German unit with no effort at all. The Germans fail to secure the entire train, just some cars; they don't bother to look underneath the cars for saboteurs; they are portrayed as buffoons and idiots all the way.

The action scenes are ultra-corny, usually involving few pyrotechnics and a couple of good guys mowing down the German paratroops or vice versa. It's all set to a typically garbage (yet serviceable) Luigi Ceccarelli music score, which is typical synthesize garbage that never makes it's potential. To make matters worse, the bulk of the action was shot on what looks to be a desert soundstage, with the train parked and not much movement of the actors or any exciting stunts. There is one nail-biting fisticuff atop the speeding train which did have me on the edge of my seat, though.

I watched CASABLANCA EXPRESS on a Portuguese videotape. The colors were bright, fresh and intense. There was occasional print damage, but for the most part this movie was well-preserved for video transfer.

CASABLANCA EXPRESS is a corny - and appropriately so - but doesn't fit bill for a late 80s war movie. Audiences could expect better from such an experienced cast and crew - even for an Italian production, it's not very good for its day.

RATING: 3/10

It is difficult to find enough bad things to say about this movie. It is even more difficult to imagine why Glenn Ford and Donald Pleasance would agree to be in this movie. As far as realism and historical accuracy: Non-existent. The only way a person could find this movie realistic is if they just moved here from another planet.

Here are just a few technical examples of the poor quality of this film:

The U.S. Army personnel are wearing uniforms that are currently in use (issued in the early 1980s). The soldiers use helmet liners instead of complete helmets (liner and "iron pot"). The U.S. flags that are shown have 50 stars (instead of the 48-star flag which was in use from 1912 until 1960).

I rated it two stars because unfortunately, I have seen worse movies.