The Zero Boys

The Zero Boys is a good, old fashioned 80's action/horror/comedy. It's also rare. I just found this one on DVD (if you believe that) and it's marketed as an action movie; the trailer, the cover art, everything. It does start out that way. The Zero Boys, Steve, Larry, and Rip, are the best at what they do: paintball wars. The movie starts with a great game of paintball. When the Zero Boys win, they take a vacation in the woods and stumble upon an abandoned cabin. That's when the horror starts. The action part is so good that I almost didn't want it to turn into a horror flick. It all works out though because the horror is just as good, and cheesy, as the action. It's actually turns into a decent slasher flick which creates an eerie atmosphere. The cheesy dialogue and the one liners are what really make the movie. Such phrases as "Jason old boy, are you in there?" and "Probably just a bunch of faggots living in the woods." make this one a classic. All through the movie I kept remarking about how much the lead killer looked like Martin Sheen. It turned out to be his brother, Joe Estevez. If you're looking for an entertaining mix of genres, catch The Zero Boys, if you can find it.

The Zero Boys are the best "Weekend Warriors" on the paintball ranch. With feisty newcomer Jamie (Kelli Maroney) in tow, the gang heads out on a classic aimless teen road trip, and wind up at an apparently deserted country house where they proceed to do the things horror teens do: have sex, play games, argue, and split up to maximise their vulnerability.

Of course, they are not alone. The yokel hicks are on the loose with knives, and they soon lure the group into the woods – and into a series of traps. The Zero Boys (and Girls) must use their dubious survival skills, and their stash of real guns, to fight back and make it through the night.

Although Nico Mastorakis is an uber-trash auteur on the level of Albert Pyun, the first scene is promising: playful in the same way that Vamp toyed with our perceptions in its opening. And the idea of the kids taking the front foot, rather than being out-and-out victims, is an intriguing setup. But it's a swift descent into mediocrity and cliché.

"Eat your heart out, Sly," one gun-toting character utters. The film has no problem referencing its contemporaries, including Friday the 13th and The Twilight Zone. It's kinda meta. Ostensibly The Zero Boys is a blend of two classic 80s genres: the teen slasher and the uzi action movie. If only it delivered on the scares or the thrills. In its found footage torture vignettes and its Hunger Games survive-'em-up finale it even prefigures certain modern genres, but in practice we have the usual idiot-plotting schlock, with characters inexplicably going off and doing their own thing to suit audience expectations rather than logic.

Kelli Maroney is perhaps most contemporaneously famous for Night of the Comet, another (much better) mid-80s genre mashup. She's different here: less ditzy and more resourceful, and usually the smartest person in the room. She's more than a match for our hero, Steve, played by Daniel Hirsch with the soft-spoken intensity of a young Bruce Dern but without the charisma.

The positives: occasionally decent quickfire dialogue; some good 'n' gaudy lighting; the pacing is bang on; and Hans Zimmer's Gothic- synth score is fantastic. What it lacks is the ghoulish humour and gore to match something like Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 2 or Sam Raimi's Evil Dead series. Poor editing and mediocre makeup undermine the best scares (don't open that freezer cabinet!). Throw in some irrelevant slow motion and a frankly meaningless final shot and we're left with a distinctly ordinary entry in the 80s slasher canon.

Title refers to a team of three male survivalists who win a war games competition and celebrate the victory by vacationing at a secluded country home with their girlfriends. Their fun is disrupted when they find snuff videos, a head in the freezer, a torture chamber in the barn and that several killers are lurking around the premises with crossbows, knives and machetes.

All the horror clichés are accounted for including a car that won't start, a sudden rainstorm, lots of false alarms, heavy breathing POV killer shots, booby trapped woods, people wandering off by themselves even after finding dead bodies, etc. If there are any missing, it's not from lack of trying.

Pretty dull stuff, but some now well known people got their starts here including Production Co-Ordinator Marianne Maddalena (who worked on many of the later NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET movies) and Assistant Art Director Frank Darabont (Oscar-nominated writer/director of THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION and THE GREEN MILE). Some of the music is by future Oscar winning composer Hans Zimmer (THE LION KING).

The Zero Boys is definitely a strange one. While it looks like a Rambo rip off or some sort of survivalist action movie, it really has a structure and cast more in line with the slasher movies of that same area.

A bunch of paintball loving guys and their girlfriends head up to a secluded cabin in the woods (which they don't own). Soon, someone is killing them one by one due to their tresspassing.

There are shades of the torture film when they discover that these killers have been recording their victims' final moments on video and playing them to taunt their current victims. Also, scream queen Kelli Maroney (Chopping Mall, Night of the Comet) is always a welcome addition to any film's cast and the film clips along at a great, exciting pace. It's a shame this one is lesser known that some of its contemporaries.

Wrong Turn is definitely a ripoff the general idea in this movie, only that movie is a serious horror film and this one is more of the standard B- horror with a twist of humorous adventure. It's labeled a horror film, which by all comparable standards to 80s horror films it is, but you're not entirely sure where the movie is going in the first 15 minutes. The box art and opening sequence both set this up to be more of a light weight version of Deliverence mixed with some B- soldier heavy artillary jungle warfare. What you actually get is a paint ball battle in a deserted town, followed by a random weekend in the woods that goes awry. For the first 30 minutes, nothing particularly horrific happens, then the rest of the movie is a lot of running through the woods survival. It's blatantly obvious by both the cast and the box art that this film is total B- territory and I obviously only recommend it for fans of these films. I just wish that the energy from the opening sequence was carried through the entire film. There's some definite cult status here, but the second half of the film strays too far into cliché horror territory that you forget the initial premise from the opening. Unfortunately there is also NO ending to this film.

Aside from the short-comings, I have a lot of respect for Nico Mastorakis as a director, writer and producer. He's one of the rare few that doesn't conform to the BS that is Hollywood. I'm also glad that there are some great featurettes on his DVDs on the making of his movies including his commentary as well.