- Dave: If you've ever seen the look on somebody's face the day they finally get a job, I've had some experience with this, they look like they could fly. And its not about the paycheck, it's about respect, it's about looking in the mirror and knowing that you've done something valuable with your day. And if one person could start to feel this way, and then another person, and then another person, soon all these other problems may not seem so impossible. You don't really know how much you can do, until you stand up and decide to really try.
- Ellen Mitchell: [after Dave reveals his true identity to Ellen] What do you do for a living?
- Dave: You mean, when I'm not running the country?
- Ellen Mitchell: Yeah.
- Dave: I run a temp agency. You know, secretaries and stuff.
- Ellen Mitchell: So you find people jobs.
- Dave: Yes.
- [Ellen chuckles]
- Dave: What? What's so funny?
- Ellen Mitchell: It's just, it's more than most people do around here.
- Ellen Mitchell: [after discovering Dave] Look, I'll make this easy for you. I barely see him anymore. I barely know him anymore. I'd just kind of like to know where he is.
- Bob Alexander: What do you think you're doing?
- Dave: What? Oh, you mean the press conference. I had a couple of ideas that I wanted to share with the country.
- Bob Alexander: Share? Share? You don't call a press conference. I call a press conference. You're nothing. Do you understand? You're nobody.
- Dave: I'm not nobody.
- Bob Alexander: You're LINT! You're a FLEA! You're a BLIP!
- Dave: Well... maybe I am.
- [stands]
- Dave: But you're fired.
- Bob Alexander: ...What?
- Dave: I said, you're fired. Go on, get out of here.
- Bob Alexander: Oh, *I'm* fired?
- Dave: Yeah.
- Bob Alexander: *You're* fired!
- Dave: ...Fine.
- Bob Alexander: "Fine"?
- Dave: Fine.
- [goes to the door leading to the Press Room]
- Dave: The whole Press Corps is right outside. Should I tell them, or did you want to?
- [Bob is speechless]
- [singing in the shower]
- Dave: Hail to the chief / He's the one we all say "Hail" to. / We all say "Hail" / 'Cause he keeps himself so clean! / He's got the power, / That's why he's in the shower...
- Ellen Mitchell: Reminds me of when you were in the state legislature.
- Dave: Yeah... me too.
- Ellen Mitchell: You weren't in the state legislature.
- [stands up and offers her hand]
- Ellen Mitchell: Hi. I'm Ellen Mitchell. Who are you?
- Dave: [after reciting Bob Alexander's charges against him] Okay, let's get right to the guts of it: every one of these accusations is absolutely true.
- [a sensation passes through the House. Cut to Bob's home, as he and his supporters are watching this on TV; several of them clap him on the back]
- Bob Alexander: HO, HO, HO! Die, you pond scum!
- Dave: I'm the President, and as they say, the buck stops here. So I take full responsibility for each one of my illegal actions. But that's not the whole story. I think the American people are entitled to the real truth.
- [opens his briefcase]
- Dave: I have here evidence in the form of notes, letters, and written memoranda, proving that Bob Alexander was involved in each of these illegal acts, and in most cases planned them as well.
- [Cut to Bob's house, where a murmur passes through Bob's supporters, and some of them head for the door]
- Bob Alexander: Alan.
- Dave: Now, allegations of wrongdoing have also been made against Vice President Nance. Now, as this evidence will prove, at no time and in no way was the Vice President involved in any of this affair. Bob just made all that up. Vice President Nance is a good and decent public servant, and I want to apologize for any pain that this has caused him or his family.
- [Dave turns and offers his hand. Nance stands and takes it. As they shake, the House applauds. Cut to Bob's home, now empty except for him, as he watches the TV]
- Dave Kovic: She's great. She's really exotic! She's a princess! She's Polynesian - well, half Polynesian, and half American. She's... Amnesian.
- Dave: I don't want to tell some eight-year-old kid he's gotta sleep in the street because we want people to feel better about their *car*. Do *you* want to tell them that?
- Secretary of Commerce: [quietly] No sir.
- [sits back in his seat and reflects]
- Secretary of Commerce: No I sure don't.
- Alan Reed: Bob, at some point we're gonna have to call the Vice President.
- Bob Alexander: Don't call the Vice President.
- Alan Reed: What?
- Bob Alexander: Just don't call him, Al.
- Alan Reed: The guy's in a coma, Bob!
- Bob Alexander: I don't give a shit.
- Alan Reed: Bob!
- Bob Alexander: This is mine, Alan. All mine. I made him, I built him. And no Boy Scout is going to come in here and take it away from me, just because he happens to be Vice President of the United States.
- Vice-President Nance: [upon finally becoming President] I plan to continue Bill Mitchell's call to arms. This is not my Presidency, this is *his* Presidency. I can't think of any better way to honor his memory, than to continue the ideals he initiated.
- Bob Alexander: I'm going to kill him.
- Alan Reed: You can't kill a President.
- Bob Alexander: He's not a President. He's an ordinary person. I can kill an ordinary person.
- Alan Reed: Bob!
- Bob Alexander: I can kill a hundred ordinary people!
- President William H. Mitchell: [meeting Dave for the first time] You're a very handsome man.
- Dave Kovic: Thank you, Mr. President.
- President William H. Mitchell: Just get rid of the grin... you look like a schmuck.
- Girl at Durenberger's: [at the domestic cars convention] Mommy, that's not really the President, is it?
- Mom at Durenberger's: I sure hope not!
- Arnold Schwarzenegger: What you don't want to eat is donuts. No donuts.
- [Dave has bitten into one and spits it out]
- Dave: You ever think back to how you got started?
- Vice-President Nance: Well...
- [chuckles]
- Vice-President Nance: I was a shoe salesman. Not very happy about it. One day, my wife says to me, "why don't you try running for office? You know, you talk about it all the time. Why don't you just go do it?" So I tell my boss I have a dentist appointment, and go down to the registrar of voters on my lunch break... next thing I know I'm a councilman.
- Dave: Really?
- Vice-President Nance: My wife was my campaign manager, we had a budget of two thousand dollars - with advertising.
- [laughs]
- Vice-President Nance: What about you?
- Dave: Me?
- Vice-President Nance: Yeah. How did you get started?
- Dave: [smiles] Kind of the same way.
- [on the balcony, being fed lines by Bob and Al, they try to tell him to leave]
- Alan Reed: Go!
- Bob Alexander: Go, go!
- Dave: [raises a fist] Go, go, go!
- [the reporters look confused]
- [Dave and Ellen pull up to the White House gate]
- White House Guard: Hey, you can't stop here! There's signs right over...
- [stops and gapes]
- White House Guard: Mr. President!
- [urgently gestures for the other guard to open the gate]
- White House Guard: I-I'm sorry, sir, I didn't...
- Dave: Just out for a little fresh air.
- White House Guard: Certainly, sir.
- [confused]
- White House Guard: Sir, if you don't mind my asking, how...?
- Ellen Mitchell: The President wanted some ice cream.
- Dave: I think there are certain things you should expect from your president. I had to care more about you than I do about me. I had to care more about what's right than I do about what's popular.
- Alan Reed: [Dave cut $656 million from the Federal Budget, to Bob's anger] He was only doing his job.
- Bob Alexander: HIS JOB? It's NOT his job, it's *MY JOB*!
- Alan Reed: Calm down.
- Bob Alexander: Was he on the Trilateral Commission? Was he a Senator? Was he on "Who's Who in Washington" nine years in a row?
- Bob Alexander: [beat] I'll shred the bastard! I'll destroy him!
- Alan Reed: Don't do it!
- Bob Alexander: I'll lock him away for GOOD!
- Alan Reed: [firmly] Then we'll ALL go to jail TOGETHER!
- Bob Alexander: What are you saying?
- Alan Reed: Exactly what you think I'm saying!
- Bob Alexander: [sternly] Are you *threatening* me?
- Alan Reed: Yeah! I guess I am.
- Oliver Stone: [Dave is watching Larry King Live] If you take a look at a photograph of Bill Mitchell taken before the stroke, then one right after, you will see *distinct* differences.
- Larry King: Are you saying that this is a conspiracy?
- Oliver Stone: Yes, I am saying this is a conspiracy.
- Larry King: Don't you think you're being a little paranoid, Oliver?
- Oliver Stone: Have you looked at the photographs, Larry?
- Larry King: Oliver.
- Oliver Stone: Larry.
- Larry King: Oliv... .
- [Dave turns off the TV]
- Ellen Mitchell: [first encounter and public appearance] Don't you have anything else you want to say to me?
- [repeated line]
- Dave: Thank you for doing this, Ellen.
- Ellen Mitchell: Go to hell, Bill!
- [exits]
- Dave: She hates me!
- Bob Alexander, Alan Reed: YES!
- Ellen Mitchell: There's no mistake, Bill. When you veto someone's funding that is not a mistake. When you hurt someone intentionally that is not a mistake.
- Dave: According to the OMB, we have seventeen defense contractors who are delinquent in their contracts. Is this true, Frank?
- Director of OMB: Uh, I believe so, yes.
- Dave: So, even though they're late, we keep paying them on time?
- Director of OMB: Well, in a sense... yeah.
- Alan Reed: [trying to convince Dave to take the job] Imagine that the entire United States of America is in the car.
- Dave: In the car?
- Alan Reed: In the car!
- Bob Alexander: And you've got to get it to the hospital.
- Bob Alexander: If you can find a way to cut $650 million off the Federal Budget, you can KEEP your *lousy shelters*!
- Bob Alexander: [as he is leaving] And by the way. Don't you EVER send for me again!
- Jay Leno: What is with President Mitchell lately? I mean has this guy been having too many "Happy Meals"? I mean geez!
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