- [last lines]
- Granny Wendy: So... your adventures are over.
- Peter Banning: Oh, no. To live... to live would be an awfully big adventure.
- Captain James Hook: Prepare to die, Peter!
- Peter Banning: To die would be a grand adventure!
- Captain James Hook: Death is the only adventure you have left!
- Peter Banning: [sees Tinkerbell on the Peter Pan statue] Tink!
- Tinkerbell: Say it, Peter. Say it and mean it.
- Peter Banning: I believe in fairies.
- Tinkerbell: You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming?
- [Peter nods]
- Tinkerbell: That's where I'll always love you... Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
- Smee: I've just had an apostrophe.
- Captain Hook: I think you mean an epiphany.
- Smee: [gestures his fingers to his head] Lightning has just struck my brain.
- Captain Hook: Well, that must hurt.
- Rufio: Boil-dripping beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt!
- Kids: Bangarang, Rufio!
- Peter Banning: Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?
- Rufio: You are fart factory, slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!
- Kids: [in unison] Ugh!
- Peter Banning: Substitute chemistry teacher.
- Lost Boy: Come on, Rufio, hit him back.
- Rufio: Mung tongue.
- Peter Banning: Math tutor.
- Rufio: Pinhead.
- Peter Banning: Prison barber.
- Rufio: Mother lover.
- Peter Banning: Nearsighted gynecologist.
- Rufio: In your face, camel cake!
- Peter Banning: In your rear, cow derrière.
- Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.
- Peter Banning: You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.
- Thud Butt: [with the rest of the Lost Boys] Bangarang, Peter!
- Rufio: You... you man! Stupid, stupid man!
- Peter Banning: Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you just EAT ME! You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!
- Don't Ask: What's a paramecium brain?
- Peter Banning: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT A PARAMECIUM IS! *That's* a paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain that can't fly! Don't mess with me, man. I'm a lawyer!
- Kids: [chanting] Banning, Banning, Banning is bangerang.
- Rufio: Rufio! Rufio!
- Peter Banning: Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose?
- Moira Banning: [after throwing Peter's phone out the window] I'm sorry about your deal.
- Peter Banning: You hated the deal.
- Moira Banning: I hated the deal. But I'm sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you. They want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around. After that, you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast, Peter. It's a few years, then it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it.
- Pockets, Lost Boy: [the Lost Boys don't believe Peter Banning is Peter Pan, but Pockets touches his face and finally recognizes him] Oh, there you are, Peter!
- Toodles: [Searching for something on the floor] Lost, lost, lost.
- Peter Banning: Lost what?
- Toodles: I've lost my marbles.
- Peter Banning: [to Rufio, who pulls a sword at him] Okay, mister. All right, show's over. Now, you put that thing away! Now, put it down before you poke somebody's eye out.
- [the Lost Boys all laugh]
- Peter Banning: You're not old enough to shave! What are you doing with a sword? And flying around... this is an insurance nightmare! What is this, some sort of "Lord of the Flies" preschool? Where are your parents? Who's in charge here?
- [the Lost Boys all point to Rufio, who bows]
- Peter Banning: No! No, Mr. Skunkhead with too much mousse. You are just a punk kid. I want to speak to a grown-up!
- Rufio: All grown-ups are pirates!
- Peter Banning: Excuse me?
- Rufio: [smiles] We kill pirates.
- Peter Banning: I'm not a pirate. It so happens I am a lawyer.
- Rufio: Kill the lawyer!
- Lost Boys: [drawing their weapons] Kill the lawyer!
- Peter Banning: [backs away nervously] I'm not that kind of lawyer.
- Tinkerbell: Well, whoever you are it's still you, 'cause only one person has that smell.
- Peter Banning: Smell?
- Tinkerbell: The smell of someone who has ridden the back of the wind, Peter. The smell of a hundred fun summers, with sleeping in trees and adventures with Indians and Pirates. Oh remember, Peter? The world was ours. We could do everything or nothing. All it had to be was anything 'cause it was always us.
- Captain James Hook: [to Peter as he traps him and grinds his hook near his face] You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning - a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, is obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!
- Captain Hook: Oh, I hate being disappointed, Smee. And I hate living in this flawed body. And I hate living in Neverland. And I hate... I hate... I *hate* Peter Pan!
- Peter Banning: What's the deal? Where's the real food?
- Tinkerbell: If you can't imagine yourself being Peter Pan, you won't *be* Peter Pan, so eat up.
- Peter Banning: Eat what? There's nothing here. Gandhi ate more than this.
- Wendy Darling: [leaving the room after putting Maggie and Jack to bed] Dear night-lights, protect my sleeping babes. Burn clear and steadfast tonight.
- Captain James Hook: [holding a pistol to his head] No stopping me this time, Smee. This is it. Don't make a move, Smee, not a step. My finger's on the trigger. Don't try to stop me, Smee.
- Smee: Oh, not again.
- Captain James Hook: This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee. Try to stop me. Smee, you'd better get up off your arse. Get over here, Smee!
- Smee: I'm coming, I'm coming.
- Captain James Hook: Stop me! This is not a joke! I'm committing suicide!
- [Smee triggers the gun away from Hook's head, sinking the model ship in the pool]
- Captain James Hook: Don't ever frighten me like that again.
- Smee: I'm sorry.
- Captain James Hook: What are you, some kind of a sadist?
- Smee: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How do you feel now?
- Captain James Hook: [sighs] I want to die.
- Smee: Oh, now, now.
- Captain James Hook: There's no adventure here.
- Smee: [hold out Hook's gun] You call this no adventure?
- Captain James Hook: Death is the only great adventure I have left, Smee.
- Maggie: [singing] The stars are all my friends / Till the nighttime ends / So I know I'm not alone / When I'm here, on my own. / Isn't that a wonder? / When you're alone / You're not alone / Not really alone.
- Tinkerbell: All right, now, who am I?
- Peter Banning: You're a - you're a complex Freudian hallucination having something to do with my mother and I don't know why you have wings, but you have very lovely legs and you're a very nice tiny person and what am I saying, I don't know who my mother was; I'm an orphan and I've never taken drugs because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant.
- Tinkerbell: Guess again.
- [Tinkerbell pulls on the floor rug and makes Peter fall down, flat on his back, on a sheet on the floor]
- Peter Banning: [disoriented] Oh, look, stars.
- Tinkerbell: That's right, Peter, second star to the right and straight on till morning.
- [Tinkerbell flies off with Peter folded into a sheet]
- Tinkerbell: Neverland!
- Captain James Hook: Hear me, men. For reasons of good form, I have decided that the so-called Pan will return in three days to commit the arbitrament of the sword. Smee, translate.
- Smee: In three days, we're gonna have a war! A battle between good and evil to the death!
- Lost Boys: Rufio! Rufio! Ru-Fi-OOOOOOOOOOOOOh!
- Don't Ask, Ace: [with the Lost Boys as they get Peter in shape] Pick 'em up! Move 'em down! Pick 'em on up! Move 'em on down! Ain't no time to celebrate! You are old and overweight! Gotta lose a million pounds! Get your fat butt off the ground! Reach on down and touch your toes! How long since you looked at those? Shape up! Lose weight! Get thin! Gotta win! Jumping jacks are good for you! Now your face is turning blue! Swing your arms around your back! Give yourself a heart attack! Gotta train! In the rain! In the sun! In the snow! Ten below! Gotta move! Gotta do! Gotta crow!
- Captain Hook: [yells after Peter who is leaving with Jack, Maggie, and the Lost Boys] Peter! Where are you going? Come back here and fight me! Or I'll find you wherever you are, you hear me? Bad form, Peter, come back!
- Maggie: You need a mother very, very badly!
- Peter Banning: Mr. Hook, I want those kids out of that net in less than one minute, and you better get an attorney and hope to God he's better than me.
- Captain Hook: Who are you?
- Peter Banning: I'm Peter Banning, Attorney at Law, these are my children and I want them back.
- Captain Hook: Those are your...
- Peter Banning: Children.
- Captain Hook: These are your children.
- Peter Banning: Yes, they are.
- Captain Hook: And you're?
- Peter Banning: Peter.
- Captain Hook: You're Peter?
- Peter Banning: Yes.
- Captain Hook: You're Peter?
- Peter Banning: Yes!
- Captain Hook: No.
- Peter Banning: Yes.
- Captain Hook: You're Peter?
- Peter Banning: Yes. Is there an echo in here? Yes.
- Captain Hook: My great and worthy opponent?
- Peter Banning: Yes!
- Captain Hook: No! Smee, who is this impostor?
- Smee: Good Mooooooooooooorning, Neverland! Tie down the main mast, mateys, 'cause here he is, the cunning kingfish, the bad barracuda! A man so deep, he's almost unfathomable.
- [pirates stare blankly]
- Smee: A man so quick, he's even fast... asleep!
- [pirates cheer]
- Smee: Thank you! Now, let's give him a very big hand, 'cause he's only got one.
- [pirates laugh]
- Smee: I give you, the steel-handed stingray, Captain James Hook!
- Captain Hook: Peter Pan will fly again. He'll remember how. And if he doesn't, those dirty Lost Boys will jog his memory. Oh, yes, you'll see. He'll crow, he'll fight, he'll fly and then - he'll die.
- [Peter recalls a memory from his childhood]
- Wendy Darling: Peter, I can't come with you. I've forgotten how to fly. I'm old, Peter. Ever so much more than twenty. I grew up a long time ago.
- Young Peter Pan: No, no, no! You promised!
- Wendy Darling: I have children of my own now. They have children of their own. That's my grandchild, Moira, asleep in the bed.
- Peter Banning: [voiceover] When I saw her lying there sleeping, that moment, something changed in me forever.
- Young Peter Pan: I shall give her a kiss.
- [takes out a thimble]
- Wendy Darling: No. No, Peter. No buttons. No thimbles. I couldn't bear to see Moira's heart to be broken when she finds she can't keep you.
- Young Peter Pan: No. I mean a real kiss.
- Wendy Darling: And what's so terribly important about your terribly important business?
- Jack: Well, you see, when a big company's in trouble, Dad sails in, and if there's *any* resistance...
- Peter Banning: Well, he's exaggerating. I'm still into mergers and acquisitions. And I'm dabbling in some land development.
- Jack: Any resistance - and he *blows* them out of the water.
- Wendy Darling: So, Peter, you've become a pirate.
- Toodles: Have to fly, have to fight, have to crow. Have to save Maggie, have to save Jack. Hook is back.
- Peter Banning: Who?
- Thud Butt: Peter, can I talk to you?
- Peter Pan: Sure, Thud.
- Thud Butt: I remember Tootles.
- Peter Pan: You do?
- Thud Butt: He was lost too.
- Peter Pan: How could you know Tootles?
- Thud Butt: He was a Lost Boy.
- [Thud Butt takes out a small pouch]
- Thud Butt: These are his marbles. These are his happy thoughts.
- [Peter empties out the pouch of marbles into his hand and laughs]
- Peter Pan: He really did lose his marbles, didn't he?
- Thud Butt: [laughs] Yeah, he lost 'em good.
- [they both laugh]
- Thud Butt: Peter, you know what?
- Peter Pan: What?
- Thud Butt: My happy thought will help you.
- Peter Pan: What's your happy thought, Thud?
- Thud Butt: Mine's my mother. Do you remember your mother, Peter?
- Peter Pan: Wish I could.
- Smee: Smee, Smee. What About Smee? Smee! Smee! Smee. Smee. What about Smee? Smee's me. What about me?
- Captain James Hook: [to Peter, in disbelief] Is it you? My great and worthy opponent? But it can't be. Not this pitiful, spineless, pasty, bloated codfish I see before me. You're not even a shadow of Peter Pan.
- Peter Banning: [unearthing his cell phone] Wow. Brad, hi! You been holding this long? Uh huh. I'm incredible. Yeah, Neverland. Uh-huh. Lost Boys. Jim Hook, duel to the death. I'll fill you in later. Listen, I'd love to chat, but I gotta climb a drain pipe right now. Why? Because I ran out of fairy dust, if not I would've flown up.
- [surprised he asks]
- Peter Banning: Why?
- Captain Hook: [wielding his sword ready to fight Peter, after Rufio's death] Are you ready for me Peter? Come on, humor the Hook.
- Captain Hook: You, the cute little urchin in the front row, won't you share your thoughts with the whole class?
- Maggie: Yes! I said mommy reads to us every night, because she LOVES us very much!
- Captain Hook: Loves you? Isn't that the, uh, the...
- Smee: The 'L' word, Captain.
- Captain Hook: Ooh, yes!
- [grimly chuckles]
- Captain Hook: No, child, Your mother wants to read to you every night in order to stupefy to sleep, so that she and daddy could sit down for three measly minutes without you. And you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a party! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now!
- [inhales deeply]
- Captain Hook: Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.
- Smee: -And conk you out.
- Maggie: That's not true, Jack!
- [to Hook]
- Maggie: You're a liar!
- Captain Hook: [laughs] Lie? Me? Never.
- [inhales deeply again]
- Captain Hook: The TRUTH is far too much fun.
- Garbage Sweeper in Kensington Gardens: [Peter notices that he looks exactly like Smee] Hello. Having trouble with the missus? You will have by the time you get home.
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