Satan's Children

I started with this would be just another bad movie moved on to thinking it was an attempt by a Christian church group at showing the evils of drugs sex and homosexuality and how they all lead to satan but then it seemed like a Church is Satan recruitment video for reasons I won't explain, possible spoilers. This is cheese from start to finish bad acting outside the performance of the guy playing the cult leader the dialogue would have been better if the acting talent was up to the job. I'll tell you what, I'm probably going to remember this movie for a very long time because I thought I figured out the point to the movie but was wrong multiple times. I'm obsessed with finding any actual information about who made this and why but other than a brief synopsis on IMDB that showed that this was the lone credit for the entire cast I've found nothing beyond that the "studio" never made another movie and there is no Wikipedia page, the movie is almost a complete mystery.

I can't decide if this movie is really homophobic or if it's just toying with the idea innocently. In either case, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie because it was so unlike anything I've ever seen. I loved the weird looking people who star in this, especially the main guy Bobby. He's a red haired skinny kid who looks like he should be in a 70's stoner band. His step sister looks like a cartoon character. Sherry has strange teeth and a evil glare that reminds me of a girl I knew in kindergarten.

I liked how Bobby runs around in whitey tighties the whole time. It's about time that I see some hot boy bods in horror movies. It's always hot girls, but never hot guys. His make out scene with Sherry had some major French kissing going on. I loved his angry looks at the camera, and I really loved the shots of him smiling devilishly at the end. He's a charming kid. I don't know why, but you end up really loving this guy.

The movie has a gang rape scene with all guys (victim and gang) in a car and it's quite disturbing. The relationship between Bobby and his step sister is really interesting. She manipulates him way too much and almost gets him in trouble for having weed. That's where he draws the line, and he storms out of the house.

I thought the ant torture was hard to take because they were really pouring gross stuff all over that girl's head as she was buried in the dirt. Made me feel suffocated.

Best scene though - the quicksand! Looked like very watery cement with some soap suds. What a great way to kill off the enemy!

I really dug this movie, mainly because the main actor is so weird looking and mysterious, you can't help but feel very attracted to him, even though he runs into some really bad luck. He really makes the movie. I gave this movie 9/10. It's so much better than people on here are saying!!!

I'm no Satanist but I'm pretty sure of one thing - Satan loves the gays. What better way to bring sin into the world? They're so efficient at it! But, like all other religions, everyone has their own (mis)conception of whatever imaginary friend they worship. In the case of Simon's Satanic cult, they literally just change "God" to "Satan" and leave everything else as is. Thus, the gay is ironically evil. So is unchecked greed and power-grabbing. And gratuitous nudity. And even straight sex seems to be taboo.

Long story short, Satan is a prude and this movie, despite its inadvertent hilarity offers nothing more titilating than the lead actor's bare ass just before he's raped by some rednecks.

The budget for "Satan's Children" must have been about $72.99-- certainly no more. This is because the acting, direction and script are all bargain basement and nothing speaks of quality about the movie...nothing. Because of this, the only folks who might find it of interest are bad movie buffs--and that's what I am. While I don't want a steady stream of terrible films, every so often it's fun to watch an ultra-crappy movie just for a laugh.

The film stars a young man who is about as charismatic as a block of Velveta. When he argues with his stupid step-dad, he runs off--into the arms of some gay rapists! Then, he's rescued by a coven of Satan worshipers. You know, things keep going from bad to worse with this guy! How can it get worse? He will then be forced to watch a lot of amazingly bad actors (such as "Simon") and that seems like a fate worse than death!

I don't know who the audience was for this pile of crap, but according to IMDb it was made mostly by University of South Florida students in Tampa--the movie capital of the world. Why they made it, I have no idea. I hope it wasn't for a film class, as the film makes it seem like they learned absolutely nothing! It just doesn't get much worse than this!

If you in a mood to torment yourself, you can find this turkey on YouTube. Don't say I didn't warn you!!

This film was marketed as one of those Manson family exploitation/satanic cult flicks that were so popular in the early 1970's (i.e. "The Night God Screamed", "The Deathmaster"), but its really a much stranger animal indeed, managing to combine virulent homophobia with a strong undercurrent of homoeroticism as if the filmmakers themselves were struggling to stay in the closet. A young orphan is sexually teased by his step-sister and abused and neglected by his step-father. He runs away from home, but ends up being gang-raped by a bunch of "queers". Dumped by the side of the road, he is taken in by a gang of erstwhile satanists whose cruel, tyrannical acting female leader falls hard for him. This proves to be a problem when the real male leader returns because, you see, "Satan doesn't like a loser". His disgraced lover ends up buried up to her neck and being VERY slowly devoured by ants, and its up to our hero to rescue her by taking belated revenge on all his various tormentors.

This movie has a very homophobic plot complete with a gay rape-revenge device. The message seems to be that its better go to bed with a cruel, murderous satanist as long as she is of the OPPOSITE SEX than it is to come to terms with your own obvious homosexuality. But not only is the sexuality of the protagonist highly questionable, the crusading heterosexuality of the filmmakers is even more suspect as they show a disturbing number of shots of the protagonist (who like many of his female equivalents in these kind of 70's exploitation films is somewhere between barely legal and hardly legal)naked and bound, or running through the forest in his tight-whities. I suspect the unintentional irony in this film would go over well in a gay film festival.

I would even suspect that the film is being knowingly subversive if it wasn't so completely incompetent. Check out the scene for instance where two guys slowly "drown" in "quicksand", which looks more like a hole filled with Malt-O-Meal, with the drowning even less convincing than the infamous scene Bela Lugosi being eaten by a giant octopus at the end of "Bride of the Monster". So does all this mean I wouldn't recommend this? Hell, no! Most of the entertainment in this film may be completely unintentional but it sure is entertaining. Check it out for yourself. Whether you like it or not, I GUARANTEE you've never seen anything like it!