- Lt. Frank Parker: Saturday's my one free day.
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: And Sundays?
- Lt. Frank Parker: Hangover day. Doesn't count.
- [3rd season title sequence]
- Lt. Frank Parker: Ever wish you could live your last week over again? Well, my name's Frank B. Parker and I get to all the time. I work for a secret government project experimenting in time travel. When things really get messed up, I'm the guinea pig they send back to fix everything. Catch is, I can only go back seven days.
- Lt. Frank Parker: [on phone, trying to stop a flight doomed to crash] Yeah, a bomb, a big one! How do I know? 'Cos I'm the one that put it there! 'Cos I'm a mean, bad-ass bomber, that's why! Listen, I've been sucking in jet fumes for 17 years, you know what that does to a person? Well you're about to find out!"
- [hangs up, grinning]
- Lt. Frank Parker: "That was a lot more fun than it should've been.
- Patricia Parker: Damn you Parker! Everywhere you go things turn to crap!
- Jimmy Parker: I don't think mommy likes you, Dad.
- Lt. Frank Parker: Look, Dr. Zhivago, you look like a sensible guy, so let's just bottom-line this thing. We got a groom who's chasing every skirt on the continent, the uncle of the bride shoving her down the aisle to pay for his electric bill, a bride that's only going along because she thinks that's what good little princesses do, a room full of guests who only care about the free food, and an ex-mental patient with an Uzi in his hand and a trigger finger that's starting to get itchy. So what do you say we all just pack up our samosas and go home, huh?
- [Olga and Parker are climbing up a long ladder underground]
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: Maybe this isn't the best time to say it, but I'm afraid of heights.
- Lt. Frank Parker: We're underground, think about that.
- Lt. Frank Parker: I fly the needles as well as they're designed! Better!
- Nathan Ramsey: Then how come your record for perfect lands are exactly zero?
- Lt. Frank Parker: [gestures to the sphere] Because sometimes Lulu's got a mind of her own.
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: Lulu?
- Lt. Frank Parker: It's a private thing...
- Nathan Ramsey: Well, that figures, Parker. Can't make either one of your girlfriends do what you want.
- Capt. Craig Donovan: Frank?
- Lt. Frank Parker: Right... uh...
- Nathan Ramsey: Get on with it, Parker, or I'm outta here.
- Lt. Frank Parker: Nate...
- [mumbles]
- Lt. Frank Parker: I'm very... sorry.
- Nathan Ramsey: You know, I don't think I heard that. My ears are getting bad cause I'm getting old, what did you say?
- Lt. Frank Parker: [mumbles a little louder] I'm sorry.
- Nathan Ramsey: What did you say?
- Lt. Frank Parker: [shouts] I'm sorry!... I'm sorry I broke your nose.
- Nathan Ramsey: Did that sound sincere to you?
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: Good for me.
- Capt. Craig Donovan: Yeah, sounded great to me.
- Nathan Ramsey: Let's get a polygraph down here, I wanna know if he means it!
- Lt. Frank Parker: Damnit Vukavitch, I bust my butt flying that sphere to hell and back and you won't do this one little thing for me?
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: No.
- Lt. Frank Parker: I quit. That's it. No more time jumps for this little duck.
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: Good.
- Lt. Frank Parker: Did I ever tell you how attractive you are when you turn me down?
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: Yes. The answer is still "no".
- Lt. Frank Parker: [turns to Ballard] Real proud of you, big guy!
- Dr. John Ballard: I'm not loaning you money, either.
- [Parker has just Backstepped into space near the Global Space Station and made the Conundrum call]
- Dr. Bradley Talmadge: Where are you Conundrum?
- Lt. Frank Parker: Well, I'm not in Kansas anymore.
- [on Parker]
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: He changes things all the time through Backstepping. Fixes things. But he can never just do it for himself, its never just for him.
- Capt. Craig Donovan: Makes you wonder why he sticks his neck out time and time again, doesn't it?
- Dr. Isaac Mentnor: I've been accused of loving that sphere too much. It's my baby. But Frank is its heart.
- [Flashback to where Parker and Donovan met]
- Lt. Frank Parker: Now that we're stuck together, will you just shut up and let me get on with this?
- Capt. Craig Donovan: You know you got that rep all through special ops, man.
- Lt. Frank Parker: What, being a stud?
- Donovan: So, you're from Philly, huh?
- Lt. Frank Parker: Suddenly it's social hour.
- Donovan: I figure I'd get to know the man I'm about to die with.
- [searching for the Sphere, which is buried somewhere in a mineshaft]
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: Theoretically, the sphere ran out of oxygen an hour ago.
- Capt. Craig Donovan: Yeah, well, theoretically, you can't jump back in time.
- [a Nuclear war just broke out, causing alarms throughout Never-Never-Land to go off]
- Lt. Frank Parker: What is this, the end of the world?
- Dr. John Ballard: Uh, quite possibly.
- Lt. Frank Parker: What if I say... The 'M' Word!
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: What 'M' word?
- Lt. Frank Parker: Marriage, baby.
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: You want to marry me?
- Lt. Frank Parker: Yeah, I do!
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: Okay, say I say 'yes'. You want a long engagement, with congugal relations of course, then you'll find some excuse to change your mind.
- Lt. Frank Parker: No way, I'll marry you as fast as we can get our blood tests. You name the day, I'll book the chapel.
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: I'll check my calendar.
- Lt. Frank Parker: You do that.
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: I will.
- Lt. Frank Parker: Good.
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: Fine.
- Lt. Frank Parker: Hey Ramsey, the AmeriBomber is a long lost relative of yours.
- Nathan Ramsey: Oh, very funny. How's your Uncle Hussein?
- Lt. Frank Parker: Listen you freakin' morons, Nathan Ramsey is so patriotic he makes Newt Gingrich look like Karl Marx.
- [Ramsey throws a USA Today newspaper onto the briefing table which has detailed information on Project Backstep]
- Nathan Ramsey: Great, now even the commies know about Backstep!
- Dr. Olga Vukavitch: They even have photographs.
- Lt. Frank Parker: You never take a bad one, do you?
- Lt. Frank Parker: 80,000 Francs? That's a bargain. I'll take it.
- Nathan Ramsey: [over an open phone line] "Take it"? Take what? Parker, if your pissing away Uncle Sam's money again...
- Lt. Frank Parker: And, uh... Throw in a couple of those cufflinks, you know the platinum jobs with the diamonds.
- Nathan Ramsey: No diamonds! We don't pay for diamonds. Fake diamonds! Parker! Pick up the phone! Parker! Answer me! I'll rip your f...
- [Parker hangs up]
- [Parker is requesting time off]
- Lt. Frank Parker: I'd be on beeper the whole time. A plane crashes, Disneyland gets bombed, the leaning tower falls on its ass, I'll be here with bells on.
- [Frank has been reported as an escaped mental patient; a shaky security guard has him at gunpoint]
- Rent-A-Cop: Just how crazy are you?
- [Frank reaches out and takes his gun away]
- Lt. Frank Parker: Listen up, Sunshine. If you make a move against Teo or his family, I'll make sure the FBI, NSA, IRS and every other three-letter organization I can think of will be all over you like really cheap suits.
- Dr. Bradley Talmadge: [Ramsey is about to be arrested by the FBI] Director Shane and I will be having a little a little discussion, before you take my chief security officer anywhere.
- FBI Lead Agent: You're making a big mistake.
- Dr. Bradley Talmadge: I'm a big man...
- Lt. Frank Parker: [Ramsey is briefing the team on global hot-spots and when Olga spills coffee on him] Check it out, a new global hot-spot.
- Capt. Craig Donovan: Oh, baby, I hope we don't get sent into that region.
- Nathan Ramsey: This is not funny!
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