Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels

You think full body waxing is painful? Then try suffering through this inane travesty, which HAS to be one of the most irritating and incompetently made horror comedies I have ever had the misfortune of suffering through.

Sharon (Jill Miller), a lingerie saleslady and city council member, and Sven (Tre Lovell), a barber and her best friend, team up to stop `Chez Yvonne,' a beauty salon which specializes in the removal of body hair. Using a specially formulated wax treatment, innocent customers are turned into lusty living dead minions who chant `no more pesky body hair' over and over again and have insatiable sex drives. The evil lady in charge, Yvonne Wayne (soft porn actress Gwen Somers in a blonde wig), is a cackling, caped, motorcycle-riding dominatrix who moves from city to city turning folks into `zombies' (the filmmakers didn't bother with any make-up or special effects).

Unmercifully overacted by the entire talent-barren cast, the director (who apparently does not understand the meaning of scene continuity) stoops to using speeded-up film, `comical' sound effects (`boing!,' kazoo, flatulence, etc.) and T&A provided by women who look like they've been around the block (a few thousand times) in an attempt to entertain his audience. He fails miserably. Interjected mid-scene, for no apparent reason other than to pad out the running time, are flashes of the moon or boats or lightning or even military stock footage. I honestly had to stop this video four times and take a breather before I could finish it. Let's hope we never have to hear from director Mike J. Roush or scripter Elizabeth S.J. Bergholz ever again, but after this, it is doubtful we will.

Score: 1 out of 10

For the record, I am a connoisseur of bad movies. Every Sunday I grab a cold 40 (of beer) and watch a bad movie with my buddies. I love movies that try hard, yet make you wonder, "What the hell were they thinking?" We've seen some great ones: Rad, Midnight Madness, Escape from New York, Gymkata, Breakin'...

From the title, Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels, I thought I'd really found a film with promise. Oh how horribly wrong I was! This movie is too bad to even laugh at, let alone with. It's obvious that they weren't even trying. I'm still not sure whether they were trying for horror spoof or just soft porn. Either way, they failed miserably. Even if you could tolerate the bad acting, inane dialogue, and incomprehensible plot, you still won't be able to handle the cartoon sound effects, flying fish in every other scene, and excruciatingly slow pace. Yes, it's even worse than Frankenhooker.

I've never written a review here before, but I felt compelled to do so in the hope that I can prevent others from wasting their time and money on this mess.

My only requirement is production value. I'm just not down with 7th grade video projects for the camera club. That brings us to this. This is just friggen pathetic. FIN

Granted this will not win any awards, but I found it funny, in a stupid kind of way. The director obviously didn't intend for the film to be a serious horror film, and it's in the very presentation of it being a serious film that makes it funny. To me, this is a grab-a-beer-sit-and-giggle movie. It's a little slow in the first 15 minutes, but then seems to pick up tempo. The soundtrack is great! I've been looking for the soundtrack to buy, but can;t seem to find it. For anyone interested in seeing this - there's very little skin, though it does have some topless scenes. It's a romp, if you're in a silly mood. Having been around independent productions, the screen quality of this film is tremendous.

This movie is one of the worst I have seen in all of my life (and I've seen very bad movies): it's a total incorehent mess, a comedy of horror that isn't able to bring out a single laugh from you. Even the several nude scenes are ludicrous at best. A movie that need to be buried into hot wax for the rest of time