- [Morris Weissman is asked about his upcoming movie project]
- Lady Sylvia McCordle: Mr Weissman.
- Morris Weissman: Yes?
- Lady Sylvia McCordle: Tell us about the film you're going to make.
- Morris Weissman: Oh, sure. It's called "Charlie Chan In London". It's a detective story.
- Mabel Nesbitt: Set in London?
- Morris Weissman: Well, not really. Most of it takes place at a shooting party in a country house. Sort of like this one, actually. Murder in the middle of the night, a lot of guests for the weekend, everyone's a suspect. You know, that sort of thing.
- Constance: How horrid. And who turns out to have done it?
- Morris Weissman: Oh, I couldn't tell you that. It would spoil it for you.
- Constance: Oh, but none of us will see it.
- Mrs. Wilson: What gift do you think a good servant has that separates them from the others? Its the gift of anticipation. And I'm a good servant; I'm better than good, I'm the best; I'm the perfect servant. I know when they'll be hungry, and the food is ready. I know when they'll be tired, and the bed is turned down. I know it before they know it themselves.
- Henry Denton: You Brits really don't have a sense of humor do you?
- Elsie (Head Housemaid): We do if something's funny, sir.
- Constance: Tell me, what happened to William's little maid? I never saw her again after that dinner.
- Mary Maceachran: Elsie?
- Constance: Hmm.
- Mary Maceachran: She's gone.
- Constance: Aw, it's a pity, really. I thought it was a good idea to have someone in the house who is actually sorry he's dead.
- Mr. Jennings: Mr. Meredith.
- Barnes: Hmm?
- Mr. Jennings: You haven't seen Commander Meredith anywhere, have you?
- Barnes: No.
- Mr. Jennings: He never came downstairs and he's not in his room.
- Barnes: Mr. Jennings, I've washed him and dressed him. If he can't find his way to the drawing room, it isn't my fault.
- [after maintaining her iron reserve throughout the whole film, Mrs. Wilson goes to her room and closes the door. A few minutes later, Mrs. Crofts goes in and finds her collapsed on her bed, sobbing uncontrollably]
- Mrs. Croft: Don't cry, Jane. They'll hear you.
- [Mrs. Wilson can't stop crying]
- Mrs. Croft: Come on. You did what you thought was best for him at the time. I see that now.
- Mrs. Wilson: Lizzie... I've lost him, Lizzie. I've lost him, he'll never know me. My boy...
- [sobs]
- Mrs. Wilson: Oh, my boy!
- Mrs. Croft: [putting a hand on her shoulder] At least your boy is alive. He's alive. That's what matters.
- [Mrs. Wilson touches her sister's face, and hugs her, crying softly]
- Henry Denton: Who is it?
- Lottie: Oh, I'm ever so sorry, sir.
- Henry Denton: Sorry for what?
- Lottie: I'm supposed to get the fire lit without waking you.
- Henry Denton: Why does everyone treat me as if I were one of these stupid snobs? I spent half the week downstairs with all of you.
- Lottie: You can't be on both teams at once, sir.
- Mary Maceachran: They said Sir William was planning to cut Lady Sylvia out of his will in favour of Miss Isobel.
- Constance, Countess of Trentham: That's nothing. In the new will, Sir William left Lady Stockbridge 100,000 pounds. Sylvia thinks it's a huge joke, especially since she won't have to pay it.
- Dorothy: I believe in love. Not just getting it, but giving it. I think that if you're able to love someone, even if they don't know it, even if they can't love you back, then it's worth it.
- Robert Parks: [has just kissed Mary, long pause] Ooh. I've been wanting to do that ever since I first set eyes on you.
- Constance, Countess of Trentham: He's still got that vile little dog, I see.
- Lady Sylvia McCordle: Yes, the ones we hate last forever.
- [last lines]
- Constance: Could you imagine someone being hanged because of something I said.
- Mary Maceachran: I know. And what purpose could it possibly serve?
- [Many years ago, Sylvia and Louisa cut cards to decide which of them would marry Sir William. Louisa lost]
- Constance: Anyone care for a game of bridge after dinner? Louisa, how about you?
- Louisa Stockbridge: Oh, I don't think so. I've rather gone off cards. I've never been very lucky with them.
- Sir William McCordle: Me too.
- Mary Maceachran: Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
- Elsie (Head Housemaid): At least I know that gives me room for manoeuvre.
- Mary Maceachran: What will Lady Sylvia do now?
- Lewis: If I were her, I'd set up in London as a glamorous widow with all the gentlemen chasin' me for my money!
- Constable Dexter: Inspector, there's a broken coffee cup down here.
- Inspector Thompson: Dexter, they have people to clear these things up. You get on with your own job.
- Mary Maceachran: Nobody can stab a corpse and not know it.
- Robert Parks: Really? When was the last time you stabbed a corpse?
- Constance: They're rather a mixed bunch. That Mr. Weissman's very odd. Apparently, he produces motion pictures. The Charlie Chan Mysteries. Or does he direct them? I never know the difference. Mary! I suppose it's fun having a film star staying but there's always so little to talk about after the first flush of recognition. And why has Freddy Nesbitt brought that awful common little wife of his? Isabel only asked him because another gun dropped out; that's no excuse to inflict her on us all. Mary... Tomorrow, I'll have breakfast in bed, and then get straight up into the tweeds. What shirt have you brought?
- Mary Maceachran: The green with the pink stripe.
- Constance: Oh no dear, no. No, that's quite wrong. Always something very plain for country sports - the one I wore today will do.
- Mary Maceachran: But it's soiled.
- Constance: Well you can wash it, can't you?
- Mary Maceachran: Mr. Parks...
- Robert Parks: Robert.
- Mary Maceachran: Robert. When you said you'd surprise me, you didn't mean anything by it, did you?
- Robert Parks: Why? Don't you like surprises?
- Morris Weissman: You're providing a lot of entertainment for nothing.
- Ivor Novello: Morris... I'm used to it.
- [Constance's car is pulled over to the side of the road]
- Morris Weissman: Hello? Is everything all right? Are you ok?
- Constance, Countess of Trentham: Am I *what*?
- Morris Weissman: How do you manage to put up with these people?
- Ivor Novello: Well, you forget, I make my living impersonating them.
- Constance: Mary, I don't think I'll wear that shirt after all. The other one's warmer, that's all I care about.
- [talking about Lady Sylvia]
- Mary Maceachran: What was her family like?
- Elsie: What you'd expect: toffee-nosed and useless. Her father was the Earl of Carton, which sounds good except he didn't have a pot to piss in.
- Elsie: Why do we spend our time living through them? Look at poor old Lewis. If her own mother had a heart attack, she'd think it was less important than one of Lady Sylvia's farts.
- Raymond Stockbridge: Well, I think it's ridiculous. I'm here to shoot.
- Louisa Stockbridge: Darling, it's a relief for me to sit next someone who isn't deaf in one ear.
- Raymond Stockbridge: I'm sorry?
- Lady Sylvia McCordle: What *are* you wearing?
- Isobel McCordle: Don't you like it? You bought it.
- Lady Sylvia McCordle: Did I? How extraordinary of me.
- Morris Weissman: [after Jennings suggests Mr. Weissman choose his own breakfast items] Oh, like cafeteria style?
- Baron Raymond Stockbridge: The Englishman is never waited on at breakfast.
- Morris Weissman: Well, that's interesting, because an American is. I'll make a note of that.
- [on Sir William's death]
- Ethel: Why would anyone want to kill Sir William?
- Mrs. Croft: Well, he wasn't exactly Father Christmas.
- Baron Raymond Stockbridge: Do you really have to go back to London?
- Anthony Meredith: I am afraid so, Raymond. When you're ruined, there's so much to do.
- Sir William McCordle: Yes, there is, isn't there? Moan, moan, moan.
- Constable Dexter: Sir, someone's traipsed a load of mud in down here.
- Inspector Thompson: Not now, Dexter, please.
- Constance, Countess of Trentham: So what's the gossip in the servant's quarters?
- Mary Maceachran: Um, nothing my lady.
- Constance, Countess of Trentham: Nonsense. Come on, out with it.
- Mary Maceachran: Well, is it true that Sir William could have married Lady Stockbridge if he'd wanted to?
- Constance, Countess of Trentham: Is that what they're saying?
- Mary Maceachran: Only that Lord Carton was after Sir William for one of them but he didn't care which.
- Constance, Countess of Trentham: What would you say if I told you, they cut cards for him.
- Constance, Countess of Trentham: If there's one thing I don't look for in a maid, it's discretion. Except with my own secrets, of course.
- Robert Parks: Here we go again.
- Mary Maceachran: That's just it. I've never done a real houseparty before. Not properly anyway.
- Elsie (Head Housemaid): How come you got taken on as a countess lady's maid if you've got no experience?
- Mary Maceachran: She wants to train me. She said she didn't care about experience.
- Elsie (Head Housemaid): She didn't want to pay for it, you mean.
- [at the banquet dinner table]
- Sir William McCordle: And why shouldn't I be interested in films? You don't know what I'm interested in.
- Lady Sylvia McCordle: Well, I know you're interested in money and fiddling with your guns. But I admit it: when it comes to anything else, I'm stumped.
- Elsie (Head Housemaid): Now, that is not fair, Bill is...
- [Realizing that she spoke out of turn, Elsie quickly leaves the room]
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