- Draco Malfoy: [to Harry, disguised as Goyle] Why are you wearing glasses?
- Goyle: Oh, uh... reading.
- Draco Malfoy: Reading? I didn't know you could read.
- Molly Weasley: *Your* sons flew that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.
- Arthur Weasley: [to the boys] Did you really? How did it go?
- [after Molly hits him]
- Arthur Weasley: I mean, that was very wrong indeed, boys. Very wrong of you.
- Dobby: Master has given Dobby a sock.
- Lucius Malfoy: What? I didn't give...
- Dobby: Master has present Dobby with clothes! Dobby is... free.
- [Harry lifts up a pant leg, revealing it was his sock]
- Lucius Malfoy: [livid] You lost me MY SERVANT!
- Arthur Weasley: Now, Harry you must know all about Muggles, tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- Lucius Malfoy: Let us hope that Mr. Potter will always be around to save the day.
- Harry: Don't worry. I will be.
- Gilderoy Lockhart: [they find the Basilisk skin] What's this?
- Gilderoy Lockhart: It looks like a... snake.
- Harry: It's a snake *skin*.
- Ron: Bloody hell. Whatever shed this must be 60 feet long, or *more*.
- Ron: [Lockhart passes out]
- [to Harry, sarcastically]
- Ron: Heart of a lion, this one.
- Gilderoy Lockhart: [to Harry and Ron after grabbing Ron's wand] The adventure ends here, boys. But don't fret. The world will know our story. How I was too late to save the girl. How you two tragically lost your minds at the sight of her mangled body.
- [points wand to Harry]
- Gilderoy Lockhart: So... you first, Mr. Potter. Say goodbye to your memories. Obliviate!
- [he gets pulled backwards and thrown hit into a rock wall knocking him out which causes loose rocks to fall and block the path between Ron and Harry]
- Ron: Harry!
- Harry: Ron! Are you okay?
- Ron: I'm fine.
- Gilderoy Lockhart: Hello. Who are you?
- Ron: Um... Ron Weasley.
- Gilderoy Lockhart: Really! And, uh, wh-who am I?
- Ron: [to Harry] Lockhart's memory charm backfired! He hasn't got a clue who he is!
- Gilderoy Lockhart: [he picks up a rock] It's an odd sort of place, this, isn't it? Do you live here?
- Ron: No.
- Gilderoy Lockhart: Really?
- [Ron knocks Lockhart unconscious with the rock]
- Ron: [to Harry who's on the other side of the rockslide] What do I do now?
- Harry: You wait here and try and shift some of this rock so we can get back through. I'll go on and find Ginny.
- Ron: Okay.
- The Howler: Ronald Weasley! How dare you steal that car! I am absolutely disgusted! Your father's facing an inquiry at work, and it's entirely your fault! If you put another toe out of line, we'll bring you straight home!
- [to Ginny]
- The Howler: Oh, and Ginny dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud.
- [turns back to Ron]
- The Howler: PPPBBBTTT!
- [it rips up]
- Oliver Wood: We play our game, Hufflepuff doesn't stand a chance. We're stronger, quicker and smarter.
- Fred Weasley: And not to mention they're dead scared that Harry'll petrify them if they fly anywhere near him.
- Oliver Wood: Well, that too.
- Hermione: Look, Hagrid's our friend, why don't we just go and ask him about it?
- Ron: That would be a cheerful visit. "Hello Hagrid! Tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?"
- [Hagrid has walked up behind them]
- Hagrid: Mad and hairy? You wouldn't be talkin' about me, now would ya?
- Hermione, Ron, Harry: No.
- Dumbledore: You both realize, of course, that in the past few hours you have broken perhaps a dozen school rules.
- Harry, Ron: Yes, sir.
- Dumbledore: And that there is sufficient evidence to have you both expelled.
- Harry, Ron: Yes, sir.
- Dumbledore: Therefore, it is only fitting that you both receive...
- [beams]
- Dumbledore: Special Awards for Services to the School.
- [after using a spell to mend Harry's broken arm, Lockhart inadvertently removes all the bones in it]
- Gilderoy Lockhart: Ah... yes, well, that can sometimes happen. Um, but, uh, the point is, uh, you can no longer feel any pain. And, very clearly, the bones are not broken.
- Hagrid: Broken? There's no bones left!
- Gilderoy Lockhart: Much more flexible, though.
- Lucius Malfoy: Mr. Potter! Lucius Malfoy. We meet at last. Forgive me, your scar is legend. As, of course, is the wizard who gave it to you.
- Harry: Voldemort killed my parents. He was nothing more than a murderer.
- Lucius Malfoy: You must be very brave to mention his name. Or very foolish.
- Hermione: Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.
- Lucius Malfoy: And you must be Miss Granger. Yes, Draco's told me all about you. And your parents. Muggles, aren't they? Let me see. Red hair... vacant expressions... tatty second hand book... you must be the Weasleys.
- Arthur Weasley: Children, it's mad in here. Let's go outside.
- Lucius Malfoy: Well, well, well. Weasley Senior.
- Arthur Weasley: Lucius.
- Lucius Malfoy: Busy time at the Ministry, Arthur, all those extra raids? I do hope they're paying you overtime. Though judging by the state of this, I'd say not.
- [picks up a book out of Ginny's cauldron and discreetly slips Riddle's diary along with it back in the cauldron without anyone noticing]
- Lucius Malfoy: What's the use in being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?
- Arthur Weasley: We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy.
- Lucius Malfoy: Clearly. Associating with muggles. And I thought your family could sink no lower.
- Lucius Malfoy: [to Arthur as he walks out of Flourish & Blotts] See you at work.
- Draco Malfoy: [to Harry as he walks out] See you at school.
- Ron: They were starving him, Mum! There were bars on his window!
- Molly Weasley: Well, you'd best hope I don't put bars on your window, Ronald Weasley!
- Ginny: Mummy, have you seen my jumper?
- Molly Weasley: Yes, dear, it was on the cat.
- [sees Harry, a shocked look forms on her face]
- Harry: Hello.
- [Ginny runs off]
- Harry: What did I do?
- Ron: Ginny. She's been talking about you all summer. Bit annoying, really.
- [deleted scene]
- Fred Weasley: Look everyone, it's the heir of Slytherin!
- George Weasley: Be careful! He's a seriously evil wizard.
- Ron: Come on, Harry. Fred and George were just having a laugh.
- Harry: They're the only ones.
- Ron: Okay, so half the school thinks you're nipping off to the Chamber of Secrets every night. Who cares?
- Harry: Maybe they're right.
- Hermione: Harry! Harry? Oh, come on!
- Harry: Look, I didn't know I could speak Parseltongue! What else don't I know about myself? Look. Maybe you can do something, even something horrible and not know you did it.
- Hermione: You don't believe that, Harry. I know you don't. And if it makes you feel any better, Malfoy's staying for the holidays, too.
- Ron: Why would that make anyone feel any better?
- Hermione: Because, in a few days the Polyjuice Potion will be ready! In a few days, we may truly know who is the heir of Slytherin.
- Hermione: Professor, I was wondering if you could tell us about the Chamber of Secrets.
- Professor Minerva McGonagall: [seeing everyone's faces] Very well. Well, you all know, of course, that Hogwarts was founded over a thousand years ago, by the four greatest witches and wizards of the age. Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin. Now three of the founders co-existed quite harmoniously. One did not.
- Ron: Three guesses who.
- Professor Minerva McGonagall: Salazar Slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed magical learning should be kept within all magic families. In other words, pure bloods. Unable to sway the others, he decided to leave the school. Now according to legend, Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in this castle, known as the Chamber of Secrets. Though shortly before departing, he sealed it until that time when his own true heir returned to the school. The heir alone would be able to open the chamber and unleash the horror within, and by so doing, purge the school of all those who, in Slytherin's view, were unworthy to study magic.
- Hermione: Muggle-borns.
- Professor Minerva McGonagall: Well naturally the school has been searched many times. No such chamber has been found.
- Ron: Follow the spiders? Follow the spiders? If Hagrid ever gets out of Azkaban, I'll kill him!
- [the flying car drives back into the woods by itself]
- Ron: I mean, what was the point of sending us in there? What have we found out?
- Harry: We know one thing. Hagrid never opened the Chamber of Secrets. He was innocent.
- Dumbledore: [discreetly talking to Harry and Ron knowing they're under the cloak] You will find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.
- Lucius Malfoy: Admirable sentiments. Shall we? Fudge?
- Cornelius Fudge: Come, Hagrid. Well?
- Hagrid: [discreetly talking to Harry and Ron] If, uh, if anybody was looking for some stuff, then all they'd have to do would be to follow the spiders.
- [pause]
- Hagrid: Yup. That would lead 'em right. That's all I have to say.
- [he leaves]
- Ron: If it kills by looking people in the eye, why is it no one's dead?
- Harry: Because no one did look it in the eye. Not directly, at least. Colin saw it through his camera. Justin... Justin must've seen the basilisk through Nearly Headless Nick. Nick got the full blast of it, but he's a ghost; he couldn't die again. And Hermione... had the mirror! I bet you anything she was using it to look around corners in case it came along.
- Ron: And Mrs. Norris? I'm pretty sure she didn't have a camera or a mirror, Harry.
- Harry: The water. There was water on the floor that night. She only saw the basilisk's reflection.
- Tom Marvolo Riddle: How is it that a baby with no extraordinary magical talent was able to defeat the greatest wizard of all time? How did you escape with nothing but a scar, while Lord Voldemort's powers were destroyed?
- Harry: Why do you care how I escaped? Voldemort was after your time!
- Tom Marvolo Riddle: Voldemort is my past, present, and future.
- [Takes Harry's wand and writes his name in the air then swipes to reveal his true name which reads "I am Lord Voldemort"]
- Harry: You. You're the Heir of Slytherin. You're Voldemort.
- Tom Marvolo Riddle: Surely you didn't think I was going to keep my filthy Muggle father's name? No. I fashioned myself a new name, a name I knew wizards everywhere would one day fear to speak, when I became the greatest sorcerer in the world!
- Harry: Albus Dumbledore is the greatest sorcerer in the world!
- Tom Marvolo Riddle: Dumbledore's been driven out of this castle by the mere memory of me!
- Harry: Dumbledore will never be gone. Not as long as those who remain are loyal to him.
- Harry: You're Aragog, aren't you?
- Aragog: Yes. Hagrid has never sent men into our hollow before.
- Harry: He's in trouble. Up at the school there've been attacks. They think it's Hagrid. They think he opened the Chamber of Secrets, like before.
- Aragog: That's a lie! Hagrid never opened the Chamber of Secrets!
- Harry: Then you're not the monster?
- Aragog: No! The monster was born in the castle. I came to Hagrid from a distant land, in the pocket of a traveler.
- Ron: [terrified] Harry.
- Harry: Shush.
- [to Aragog]
- Harry: But, if you're not the monster, then-then what did kill that girl 50 years ago?
- Aragog: We do not speak of it! It is an ancient creature we spiders fear above all others.
- Harry: But have you seen it?
- Aragog: I never saw any part of the castle but the box in which Hagrid kept me. The girl was discovered in a bathroom. When I was accused, Hagrid brought me here.
- Ron: Harry!
- Harry: What?
- [Ron points at the spiders surrounding them]
- Harry: Well... thank you. We'll just go.
- Aragog: Go? I think not. My sons and daughters do not harm Hagrid on my command, but I cannot deny them fresh meat when it wanders so willingly into our midst. Goodbye, friend of Hagrid.
- Ron: Can we panic now?
- Prof. Sprout: Oh, Longbottom's been neglecting his earmuffs.
- Seamus Finnigan: No, ma'am, he's just fainted.
- Prof. Sprout: [sighs] Yes, well, just leave him there.
- Moaning Myrtle: *I'm* Moaning Myrtle! I wouldn't expect you to know me! Who would ever talk about ugly, miserable, moping, Moaning Myrtle? AHHHHHHHHHH!
- [she lets out a piercing shriek and dive-bombs into one of the toilets, disappearing with a splash]
- Hermione: She's a little sensitive.
- Moaning Myrtle: Here I am, minding my own business, and someone thinks it's funny to throw a book at me.
- Ron: But, it can't hurt if someone throws something at you. I mean, it would just go right through you.
- Moaning Myrtle: [swooping down towards Ron] Sure! Let's all throw books at Myrtle, because she can't feel it! Ten points if you get it through her stomach!
- [punches Ron in stomach]
- Moaning Myrtle: Fifty points if it goes through her head!
- [punches Ron in head]
- Molly Weasley: Now don't forget to speak very, very clearly.
- Harry: Diagonally.
- [Harry vanishes]
- Molly Weasley: What did he say dear?
- Arthur Weasley: Diagonally.
- Molly Weasley: I thought he did.
- Gilderoy Lockhart: Let's have a volunteer pair. Potter, Weasley, how about you?
- Professor Snape: Weasley's wand causes devastation with the simplest spells. We'll be sending Potter to the hospital wing in a matchbox.
- Harry: Your bird, there was nothing I could do. He just caught fire.
- Dumbledore: Oh, and about time too. He's been looking dreadful for days. Pity you had to see him on a burning day.
- [after the attack on Mrs. Norris]
- Professor Snape: If I might, Headmaster. Perhaps Potter and his friends were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, the circumstances are suspicious. I, for one, don't recall seeing Potter at dinner.
- Gilderoy Lockhart: I'm afraid that's my doing, Severus. You see, Harry was helping me answer my fan mail.
- Draco Malfoy: [after having Harry's picture taken] Bet you loved that, didn't you Potter. Famous Harry Potter can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page.
- Ginny: Leave him alone.
- Draco Malfoy: Oh, look, Potter, you got yourself a girlfriend.
- Gilderoy Lockhart: [whilst flying out of the Chamber of Secrets with Fawkes, Harry, Ron, and Ginny] AMAZING! This is just like magic!
- Oliver Wood: I don't believe it! Where you think you're going, Flint?
- Marcus Flint: Qudditch practice!
- Oliver Wood: I booked the pitch for Gryffindor today.
- Marcus Flint: Easy, Wood. I've got a note.
- Ron: Uh-oh. I smell trouble.
- Oliver Wood: "I, Professor Severus Snape do hereby give the Slytherin team permission to practice today, owing to the need to train their new Seeker." You've got a new seeker? Who?
- [Malfoy steps out from behind the crowd]
- Harry Potter: Malfoy?
- Draco Malfoy: That's right. And that's not all that's new this year.
- [shows everyone the new brooms]
- Ron: Those are Nimbus Two-Thousand and Ones! How'd you get those?
- Marcus Flint: A gift from Draco's father.
- Draco Malfoy: You see, Weasley, unlike some, my father can afford the best.
- Hermione Granger: At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent.
- Draco Malfoy: No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood!
- Ron: You'll pay for that one Malfoy! Eat slugs!
- [Ron 's jinx backfires, hitting him in his chest and knocking him several feet backwards. The Gryffindor team and Hermione run to his side]
- Hermione Granger: You okay, Ron? Say something!
- [Ron opens his mouth and coughs up a huge slug and Colin Creevey begins snapping away with his camera]
- Colin Creevey: Wow! Can you turn him around Harry?
- Harry Potter: No Colin! Get out of the way!
- [he and Hermione assist Ron up]
- Harry Potter: Come on, let's take him to Hagrid's.
- [Ron throws up another slug]
- Harry Potter: He'll know what to do.
- [he, Hermione, and Ron run off to Hagrid's as Ron continues to throw up slugs. Malfoy looks at them, then back at his teammates, laughing]
- [deleted scene; the students are unaware that Harry is listening from behind the wall]
- Ernie MacMillan: So anyway, I told Justin to hide up in our dormitory. I mean to say, if Potter's marked him down as his next victim, it's best he keeps a low profile for awhile.
- Hannah Abbott: But why would he want to attack Justin?
- Ernie MacMillan: Well, Justin let it slip to Potter that he was Muggle-born.
- Hannah Abbott: And you definitely think Potter's the Heir of Slytherin?
- Ernie MacMillan: Hannah, he's a Parselmouth. Everyone knows that's the mark of a dark wizard. Have you ever heard of a decent one who can talk to snakes? They called Slytherin himself "Serpent Tongue".
- Hannah Abbott: Harry always seemed so nice, though. And after all, he is the one who made You-Know-Who disappear.
- Ernie MacMillan: That's probably why You-Know-Who wanted to kill him in the first place. Didn't want another Dark Lord competing with him.