- Campbell: [as Brian works on a radio] Maybe you should have somebody help with that, you know?
- Brian Parks: Sir, I am president of the Electronics Club, the Math Club and the Chess Club. Now, if there's a bigger nerd in here, please... point him out.
- [Sam smiles in his sleep]
- Campbell: I'll just leave you alone to work on it, then.
- Jeremy: Friedrich Nietzsche! We cannot burn Friedrich Nietzsche; he was the most important thinker of 19th Century!
- Elsa: Oh, please! Nietzsche was a chauvinist pig who was in love with his sister.
- Jeremy: He was not a chauvinist pig.
- Elsa: But he was in love with his sister.
- Brian Parks: Uh... 'scuse me? You guys? Yeah... there's a whole section on tax law down here that we can burn.
- Vice President Becker: I don't accept that abandoning half of the country is necessary.
- Gomez: Maybe if you would've listened to him sooner, it wouldn't be.
- Vice President Becker: Bullshit! It's easy for him to suggest this plan. He's safely here in Washington.
- Gomez: His son is in Manhattan. I just thought you should know that before you start questioning his motives.
- Elsa: What've you got there?
- Jeremy: The Gutenberg Bible. It was in the Rare Books Room.
- Elsa: Think God's gonna save you?
- Jeremy: No. I don't believe in God.
- Elsa: You're holding on to that Bible pretty tight.
- Jeremy: I'm protecting it.
- [pause as Elsa glances at J.D. throwing books on the fire]
- Jeremy: This Bible... is the first book ever printed. It represents... the dawn of the Age of Reason. As far as I'm concerned, the written word is mankind's greatest achievement.
- [Elsa gives a light snort]
- Jeremy: You can laugh... but if Western civilization is finished... I'm gonna' save at least one little piece of it.
- Jack Hall: [on Sam failing calculus] I'm not angry. I'm disappointed.
- Sam Hall: Do you wanna hear my side of it?
- Jack Hall: Sam, how can there be two sides?
- Sam Hall: Hey, look, I got every question right on the final and the only reason why Mr. Spengler failed me was because I didn't write out the solutions.
- Jack Hall: Why not?
- Sam Hall: I do them in my head.
- Jack Hall: Did you tell him that?
- Sam Hall: I did. He didn't believe me. He said if he couldn't do them in his head then I must be cheating.
- Jack Hall: Well, that's ridiculous! How can he fail you for being smarter than he is?
- Sam Hall: That's what I said.
- Jack Hall: [smirks] You did? How'd he take it?
- Sam Hall: He flunked me, remember?
- Jack Hall: Professor, it's time you got out of there.
- Terry Rapson: I'm afraid that time has come and gone, my friend.
- Jack Hall: What can we do?
- Terry Rapson: Save as many as you can.
- Terry Rapson: [after Simon suggests that the scotch might serve as fuel to keep them alive] Are you mad? That's a 12-year-old scotch!
- Simon: [their final lines in the movie] Gentlemen,
- [toasting]
- Simon: To England!
- Terry Rapson: To mankind!
- Dennis: To Manchester United!
- Laura Chapman: I'm fine... s'can't sleep... My mind keeps going over all those worthless Decathlon facts.
- Sam Hall: Mm.
- Laura Chapman: 'S pretty stupid, huh?
- Sam Hall: No, it's alright. I guess you just haven't had time to adjust yet.
- Laura Chapman: How'm I supposed to adjust, Sam? Everything I've ever cared about, everything I've worked for... has all been preparation for a future that no longer exists. I know you always thought I took the competition too seriously... you were right. It was all for nothing.
- Sam Hall: No, no... No I just, I just said that to avoid admitting the truth.
- Laura Chapman: The truth about what?
- Sam Hall: ...About w-why I joined the team... I joined it because of you.
- Jason Evans: What do you think's going to happen to us?
- Jack Hall: What do you mean?
- Jason Evans: I mean "us". Civilization? Everyone?
- Jack Hall: Mankind survived the last ice age. We're certainly capable of surviving this one. All depends on whether or not we're able to learn from our mistakes.
- Simon: I just wish I could have seen him grow up, you know.
- Terry Rapson: The important thing is he will grow up.
- Dennis: Amen!
- Terry Rapson: [over the phone] Several hours ago, three helicopters went down over Scotland. They crashed because the fuel in their lines froze.
- Jack Hall: At what temperature does...
- Terry Rapson: [interrupting] -150 degrees Fahrenheit.
- [scoffs]
- Terry Rapson: They had to look it up!
- Jack Hall: Our climate is fragile. At the rate we're polluting the environment and burning fossil fuels, the ice caps will soon disappear.
- Vice President Becker: Professor Hall, our economy is every bit as fragile as the environment. Perhaps you should keep that in mind before making sensationalist claims.
- Jack Hall: Well, the last chunk of ice that broke off was the size of the state of Rhode Island. Some people might call that pretty sensational.
- Gomez: I know you have an innate talent for rubbing people the wrong way, Jack, but why for the love of God would you aggravate the Vice President?
- Jack Hall: Because my seventeen year old kid knows more science than he does.
- Gomez: Perhaps, but your seventeen year old kid doesn't control our budget. It doesn't matter if he hates you.
- Jack Hall: My son doesn't hate me.
- New York Bus Driver: It's out of service. It's out of service!
- NY Businessman on Bus: No, no. I'll give you $100 to put it in service.
- New York Bus Driver: You don't have to do that.
- NY Businessman on Bus: No, no. Really, $200.
- [he gets inside the bus and hands the driver $200]
- NY Businessman on Bus: I won't have it. I won't have it. Oh, God. I love buses. This is just so much fun.
- Jack Hall: I'm sure you're aware of what's happening all around the world.
- Vice President Becker: We're making all the necessary preparations for this storm. What more do you expect?
- Jack Hall: You have to start thinking about large scale evacuations right now. Especially in the Northern states.
- Vice President Becker: Evacuations?
- Jack Hall: Yes.
- Vice President Becker: Have you lost your mind, Hall? I have to go.
- Jack Hall: Mr. Vice President, if we don't act now it's going to be too late.
- Simon: What are the odds of two buoys failing?
- Terry Rapson: Remote.
- [another buoy seen on the computer screen fails]
- Terry Rapson: Make that three.
- President Blake: What exactly are you proposing, Professor?
- Jack Hall: Evacuate everyone south of that line.
- President Blake: What about the people in the North?
- Jack Hall: I'm afraid it's too late for them. If they go outside, the storm will kill them. At this point, their best chance is to stay inside. Try to ride it out. Pray.
- Sam Hall: [after nearly drowning in freezing water that's flooded an underground tunnel] My hands are shak... shaking.
- Laura Chapman: That's okay. Here. Here. Come here.
- [Laura embraces Sam]
- Sam Hall: What are you doing?
- Laura Chapman: I'm using my body heat to warm you. If we let the blood from your arms and legs rush back to your heart too quickly, your heart could fail.
- Sam Hall: Where did you learn that?
- Laura Chapman: Some of us were actually paying attention in health class.
- Brian Parks: Man you've got some serious competition.
- Sam Hall: Please.
- Brian Parks: And I'll bet he's really rich too.
- Sam Hall: Shut up.
- Jason Evans: Okay. What happened?
- Jack Hall: Well, we had to get inside in kind of a hurry, so I sort of pushed you in.
- Jason Evans: I should be used to you pushing me around.
- Laura Chapman: [on the plane, Sam is scarfing down peanuts] You alright?
- Sam Hall: Hmm?
- Brian Parks: He's afraid of flying.
- Sam Hall: I'm fine.
- Brian Parks: [the plane rattles due to turbulence] You know, statistically, the chance of a plane going down because of turbulence is less than what, one in a billion? Or is it a million? I can't remember if it's...
- Laura Chapman: Shut up, Brian.
- Simon: Hello, professor. How was India?
- Terry Rapson: Oh, you know what these scientific gatherings are. All dancing girls, wine and parties.
- Jack Hall: [on the phone with Sam] Are you sure you can't get home any sooner than tomorrow?
- Sam Hall: Well, look, Dad, I would if I could, you know. It's just... this smell is unbearable, Dad.
- Jack Hall: Stop kidding around! I want you home.
- Sam Hall: Dad, I'll be on the train. Do me a favor, okay? Just don't worry about me. I'll figure it out.
- Laura Chapman: Everything I've ever cared about, everything I've worked for... has all been preparation for a future that no longer exists. I know you always thought I took the competition too seriously. You were right. It was all for nothing.
- Sam Hall: No, no... No I just, I just said that to avoid admitting the truth.
- Laura Chapman: The truth about what?
- Sam Hall: About why I joined the team.
- [Laura stares at him]
- Sam Hall: I joined it because of you.
- [Laura smiles and Sam looks away]
- Laura Chapman: Hey.
- [they kiss]
- Vice President Becker: For days, we've despaired about the fate of the people who are trapped in the North. Today, there is cause for hope. Only a few hours ago, I received word that a small group of people survived in New York City against all odds and in the face of tremendous adversity. I've ordered an immediate search-and-rescue mission to bring them home and to look for more survivors.
- [helicopters fly over New York and pick up survivors on the top of the buildings]
- [Luther, the homeless man, takes shelter in the New York Public Library]
- Library Security Guard: That dog can't come in here.
- Luther: Come on man, it's pouring out there!
- Library Security Guard: I don't care. Read the sign.
- [camera pans down to show a sign that says "NO DRINKS, NO FOOD, NO PETS"]
- Luther: You're supposed to be a public library!
- [cuts to Luther standing on the steps out front, watching people fleeing through the water-filled streets]
- [Franks falls through a shopping mall's roof and hangs by his rope]
- Jack Hall: Frank! Are you all right?
- Frank Harris: I'm fine! Just dropped in to do a little shopping.
- Man On Radio: [on an MTA bus driver's radio] There is a wall of water coming towards New York City! Everybody is-
- [the driver hits the radio several times, and the communication is cut off. The driver and the three businessmen see people on the streets scrambling over the stranded cars, and then realize what's going on when they see the tidal wave. The bus is hit and is hurled into the air]
- Jack Hall: Who is it?
- Terry Rapson: Terry Rapson. Sorry to call you so early.
- Jack Hall: No, professor. It's alright. What is it?
- Terry Rapson: Well we've found something extraordinary... extraordinary and disturbing, that is. You recall what you said in New Delhi about how polar melting might disrupt the North Atlantic current?
- Jack Hall: Yes.
- Terry Rapson: Well... I think it's happening.
- Sam Hall: [to Brian] Let's go! Pull, Brian! Take the medicine to Laura. Come on! We're almost there. Come on. Brian, close the door!
- [they're snowed in at Scotland]
- Terry Rapson: We've got our own genny, enough tea and biscuits to sink a ship. We'll be fine! As long as the loo doesn't back up again.
- International Reporter, New Delhi: I am here at the Global Warming conference in New Delhi, where, if you can believe your eyes, it's snowing. The coldest weather on record has thrown the city into chaos with dozens of homeless people freezing to death.
- L.A. Anchorman: Breaking news as we prepare to go live in Los Angeles. Reports are coming in about extreme weather in the area. Okay, we're now going live to our Fox affiliate in Los Angeles.