- Patrick Star: Firmly grasp it in your hand.
- [Squidward's jellyfishing net falls to the ground]
- Patrick Star: No, no, firmly grasp it.
- [the net falls again]
- Patrick Star: [Angrily] Firmly grasp it!
- [Patrick jams the net into Squidward's cast]
- Plankton: Hear me, Krabs. When I discover the formula for Krabby Patties, I'll run you out of business. I went to college!
- [Plankton has SpongeBob in his power and is about to make him drop a Krabby Patty into his analyzer]
- Plankton: This little piggy brought home a Krabby Patty, and this little piggy will help me drop it in. Any last words, SpongeBob SecretPants?
- SpongeBob: I just have to say, I'm sorry I let Mr. Krabbs down. I let all of Bikini Bottom down. But most of all, I let you down, you delicate little Krabby Patty.
- Plankton: Hmmm.
- SpongeBob: I'll never forget your delicious, juicy, scrumptious, steamy goodness.
- Plankton: Steamy!
- SpongeBob: Made with 100% all-natural secret ingredients, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, onions, all nestled together between two seaweed seed buns.
- Plankton: Yes. Yes! *Yes!* Come to papa!
- [He jumps at the patty, but bounces off and falls into the analyzer]
- Plankton: Oh, boy.
- [zap!]
- Karen: Plankton: 1% evil, 99% hot gas.
- Plankton: [Appears on the computer monitor] Well, this stinks.
- SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward. We're going jellyfishing.
- Squidward: Of course you are.
- SpongeBob: Wait. Don't you want to join us? We made a net especially for you.
- Squidward: [Sarcastic] Me? Go jellyfishing with you guys? Oh, that would be the best day ever in my book. I would love to go jellyfishing. I can't think of anything better to do in my day off than go jellyfishing with my two best friends, SpongeBob and, uh...
- Patrick Star: Patrick.
- Squidward: Right. But I can't. Goodbye.
- SpongeBob: Next time, then?
- Squidward: Oh, sure. Whatever.
- Squidward: One Krabby Patty for table two. SpongeBob, I don't have all day.
- SpongeBob: [French accent] Oui oui! Un Krabby Patty, Monsieur. First, le patty.
- [Tosses the patty in the air and catches it with his pores]
- Squidward: Come on, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Next, les ingredients. Aiee!
- [Tosses the ingredients in the air and catches them with his pores]
- SpongeBob: Le mustard.
- [Squirts mustard in the air and catches it in his eye]
- Squidward: Le quit fooling around. Where's my Krabby Patty?
- SpongeBob: Le hold on a second.
- [Takes off his head, shakes it, and puts it back on]
- SpongeBob: [Reaches under Squidward's nose and pulls out the completed patty] And voilá! It's under your nose.
- [Laughs]
- Squidward: Ha-ha! You're killing me, SpongeBob. Ha-ha! You really are.
- Plankton: You could say we're friends, right?
- SpongeBob: Um, no.
- Plankton: Acquaintences?
- SpongeBob: No.
- Plankton: Well, we're both invertebrates, right?
- SpongeBob: I guess so.
- Plankton: You see? Everything works out. I have something for you. I've been keeping it in my secret compartment.
- [Reaches behind his back and pulls out a spatula]
- Plankton: Ching! Sparkle sparkle!
- SpongeBob: Wow! A golden spatula! It's even got my name on it.
- Plankton: It's a gift. A gift from a friend. Friends give each other gifts. And tomorrow's my birhtday. And do you know what I like more than anything in the whole world?
- SpongeBob: A booster seat?
- Plankton: Booster seat? Hot dog!... I mean, no. What I want for my birthday from you, my friend is one of those tender... delicious... mouth-watering... Krabby Patties.
- SpongeBob: [Gasp] You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on the Krabby Patty. And I bet it's not even your birhtday tomorrow.
- Plankton: Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
- SpongeBob: You'll never get a Krabby Patty from me. Even if we are friends. Never! Never! Never! Never!
- Plankton: Oh, I'll get a Krabby Patty. And you're gonna hand-deliver it to me personally. You weak minded fool!
- [Plays omninous music on his record player]
- Plankton: Ha-ha-ha-ha!
- Plankton: Spongebob, we're friends right? Friends do things for eachother. And tomorrow's my birthday. Do you know what I want?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: A booster seat?
- Plankton: Hot-dog! A booster seat! YES! I mean no. I want... a tender... scrumptious... juicy... Krabby Patty.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [gasps] Plankton! I know what this is! You're just pretending to be my friend so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet tomorrow isn't even your birthday!
- Plankton: Jeez. And I thought you were stupid.
- Plankton: SpongeBob, that's my Krabby Patty! Give it back, you porous freak! I command you! My patty! Nooo! I'll settle for some fries.
- SpongeBob: [as Squidward returns home from the emergency hospital] Welcome home, Squidward!
- Patrick Star: Merry Christmas!
- SpongeBob: We're gonna make this your best day ever!
- [Squidward turns his wheelchair around back out to the door, but then Spongebob wheels him back in the Tiki to a table where Patrick serves a bowl of hot soup]
- SpongeBob: Well, your best day's sure not going to be out there.
- Patrick Star: [excitedly] How about some soup on your best day ever?
- [Squidward madly looks at the soup and sees condensed Alphabet Soup letters spelling out, "Best Day Ever" Patrick holds up a spoon, scooping the soup, but then blows the steaming hot soup. Squidward refuses to eat the soup]
- Patrick Star: . Here we go! Oh, it's a little hot.
- SpongeBob: [pulls the bowl away] I don't think soup is the best thing for him on his best day ever.
- [last lines]
- Squidward: [after the Queen jellyfish zaps him, a painful Squidward's cast shatters in pieces, leaving him with black marks] Ow.
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