College

This movie is pathetic. Awful. Just awful. Really bloody awful. The jokes -- if there even are any, it's hard to tell -- are painfully unfunny. They all fall flat. They are also all of the "poop", "fart" and "getting laid" variety which we've all seen done to death lately (and done much better) in other movies about us young people. Whoever made this movie should be jailed for the rest of their life just to make sure they can't possibly even accidentally wander onto a movie set again. That is how awful this movie is. I almost vomited. Somehow this movie gave me some kind of a flu. Everyone involved with this movie should be banned from movie work for the rest of their lives. Horrible acting, horrible writing, a horrible script all the way around. Not funny at all.

Let me begin by saying this. I am taking time out of my day to sit here and write about how awful this movie is. Rarely do I ever write a review on here. I only do so if I really like a movie, or can't stand a movie so bad that I think others should be warned about going to pay to see it. All told, I've written probably four reviews. This is hands down the worst movie I've seen in the last five years. Sadly, I thought the previews made it look alright. Seeing as how I'm 23 and recently graduated from college, I also thought that this movie could bring back some nostalgia from my recently deceased college years. Me and three ex-fraternity brothers from school went to catch this movie with hopes that it would at least provide us some decent laughs before going out. We were dead wrong. Not only is this a blatant rip off of Superbad, Accepted, The Girl Next Door etc., it also is host to three of the most annoying main characters in the history of film. The jokes suck, the situations are beyond dumb, and the portrait it paints of college is completely wrong. In order to hang out with frat guys you have to take shots of tequilla from a dude's a$$ crack? Really? Don't remember seeing that in my college days. Annoying fat kids hooking up with hot blondes? Yeah, no, don't recall that either. College kids even caring that high schoolers were at their parties? Not the case. Where I went to school they were introduced and greeted with a beer. No one f**king cared if they were there. I could go on forever, but the bottom line is save your time and money. Go rewatch Superbad or Dazed and Confused or something. Or better yet, save your 10 bucks, get a 12 pack of shi**y beer, get drunk, and let the night unfold. There's a more realistic college experience for you.

Well, there's bad movies and then there's BAD movies. I didn't expect this one to be high art, but I didn't expect it to be this bad. "COLLEGE" is a low budget, uninspired, horribly written waste of time.

The most amusing part of the movie was watching the fat kid try to mimic all of Chris Farley's mannerisms as an acting style. Pathetic.

I've seen a LOT of "teen comedies" and "raunchy comedies" and enjoyed them. But "COLLEGE" is an embarrassment to those types of films. To be honest, it was just...boring.

The three main characters

• pale ripoffs of the three main "Superbad" characters, by the way...there's a Micheal Cera clone, a Jonah Hill wannabe, and a poor man's McLovin...it couldn't be more sadly obvious -

spent most of the movie covered in urine, vomit, and feces.

And THAT, dude, is the joke. For the ENTIRE movie.

"Whoops, we've got pee thrown on us. Whoops, we were thrown up on. Whoops, now we're covered in pig crap." I can't remember the last time I was willing to just walk out in the middle of a movie at a theater. But, had I paid to see it and not gotten a free pass, I would have left and asked the manager if I could see something else.

I've got no personal stake in this, and it obviously won't affect me if people see or don't see this film. But, I'm telling you, you'll kick yourself for paying money to see this movie.

OK, this movie is a real stinker.

If you are looking for a quality movie experience, look elsewhere. Yes, it is not original, it is predictable, the jokes aren't good, and the characters are one dimensional. But it's so bad, it's good. The clichés and raunchy-ness just add to the fun. A bit of a let down at the end when it tries to get serious, and not a classic in the "so bad it's good" genre. Don't be expecting Barbarella or Bolero, but there is some good raw material here. A stupider (not just vapid) ending would have gone a long way.

A few beers will enhance the experience.

Kevin Brewer (Drake Bell) is going with bookish friend Morris Hooper for his scholarship meeting. His girlfriend Gina (Alona Tal) is going to Miami without him. She breaks up with him for being a dork. Fletcher tells the guys about a wild college weekend trip. Kevin decides to go partying with Morris and idiot best friend Carter Scott (Andrew Caldwell) at the University. He falls for college girl Kendall (Haley Bennett) and faces frat bully Teague (Nick Zano).

A large part of my dislike hinges on Andrew Caldwell. He is the standard fat loudmouth best friend. The problem is that he overplays the annoying card. He's far too unlikeable. His early interaction with his friends is off-putting. I need to laugh at him. Instead, I'm annoyed with him. Drake Bell is a dud. He's obviously trying grow out of his Nickelodeon TV show which I never saw. I don't blame him for trying but his acting is stiff. I like the endearing dorky third wheel Morris. On the other hand, Kenall is also a dud. Haley Bennett has always struck me as a high maintenance girl. She fits Gina much better and Alona Tal would have been a superior Kendall as a girl next door. This is not a particular special college party romp and the leads lack good charisma.