Morena Baccarin: Vanessa

Deadpool

Vanessa

Vanessa Carlysle: So, am I suppose to just smile and wave you out the door?
Wade Wilson: Think of it like spring cleaning. Only if spring was death. God, if I had a nickel for every time I spanked it to Bernadette Peters.
Vanessa Carlysle: Sounds like you do. Bernadette is not going anywhere, because you're not going anywhere. Drink.
Wade Wilson: You're right. Cancer is only in my liver, lungs, prostate, and brain. All the things I can live without.

Deadpool: I should've come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain't the same one that you remember.
Vanessa Carlysle: You mean this mask?
[takes off mask to reveal cheap paper mask of Wolverine]
Deadpool: And this one, in case the other fell off.
[she peels off the mask]
Vanessa Carlysle: Wow.
Wade Wilson: Yeah.
Vanessa Carlysle: After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on.

Vanessa Carlysle: Well I hate to break it to you, but your forty-eight minutes are up.
Wade Wilson: Hey! How many more minutes can I get for this?
[looking at his Voltron ring]
Wade Wilson: FYI, five mini lion bots come together to form one super-bot!
Vanessa Carlysle: Five mini lion bots?
[deadpans]
Vanessa Carlysle: Three minutes.
Wade Wilson: Deal! What do we do with the remaining two minutes thirty-seven seconds?
Vanessa Carlysle: [pause] Cuddle?

Wade Wilson: Listen, Ive been thinking.
Vanessa Carlysle: Really?
Wade Wilson: About why were so good together.
Vanessa Carlysle: Why is that?
Wade Wilson: Well, your crazy matches my crazy, big time.
Vanessa Carlysle: Mm.
Wade Wilson: And, uh, were like two jigsaw pieces, you know, and we have curvy edges.
Vanessa Carlysle: But you fit them together and you see the picture on top.
Wade Wilson: Right.
Vanessa Carlysle: Wade, theres something Ive been meaning to ask you. Only because you havent gotten around to asking me. Will you, um, stick it up my a
[Wade holds up a giant ring]
Wade Wilson: Marry me?
Vanessa Carlysle: Uh, jinx?
Wade Wilson: Huh.
Vanessa Carlysle: Where were you hiding that?
Wade Wilson: Nowhere.
[Wade and is shown to be butt-naked]

Wade Wilson: Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit-show. Like a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spin Doctors at the Iowa State Fair shit-show. And under no circumstances will I take you to that show. I want you to remember me, not the ghost of Christmas me.
Vanessa Carlysle: Well, I wanna remember us.
Wade Wilson: I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I'm gonna boom-box "Careless Whisper" outside your window. Wham!
Vanessa Carlysle: No one is boom-boxing shit. Okay? We can fight this. Besides, I just realized something. You win. Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine.

Vanessa Carlysle: Hey, hands off the merchandise.
Wade Wilson: Merchandise? Huh... so you uh, bump fuzzies for money?
Vanessa Carlysle: Yep.
Wade Wilson: Rough childhood?
Vanessa Carlysle: Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born.
Wade Wilson: Daddy left before I was conceived.
Vanessa Carlysle: Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
Wade Wilson: Where else do you put one out?
Vanessa Carlysle: I was molested!
Wade Wilson: Me too. Uncle.
Vanessa Carlysle: Uncles. They took turns.
Wade Wilson: I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet, which also happened to be my...
Vanessa Carlysle: Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
Wade Wilson: [Gasps] You had a dishwasher. I didn't even know sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.
Vanessa Carlysle: [laughs] Who would do such a thing?
Wade Wilson: Hopefully you. Later tonight? Hey, what can I get for $275 and uh... a Yogurtlands reward card?
Vanessa Carlysle: Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want. And a low-fat dessert.
[Puts card in his mouth]

Vanessa Carlysle: I've played a lot of roles, damsel in distress ain't one of them.
[punches Ajax]

Buck: [smacks Vanessa's rear] I'd hit that.
Wade Wilson: Buck, you best apologize before...
[Vanessa grabs Buck's groin]
Wade Wilson: Yeah, that.
Vanessa Carlysle: Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.
Buck: I'm sorry.
Wade Wilson: Breathe through the nose.
Buck: I don't have a filter between my brain and my...
[Vanessa grabs harder]
Wade Wilson: [to Vanessa] Let go. Okay. Hey, oh, oh, oh... Hakuna his tatas. He's sorry.

Deadpool: Hang in there, baby! I gotcha! I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
[Deadpool throws Vanessa into the oxygen chamber as it rolls down the carrier and stops on the edge of it, Wade holds onto the oxygen chamber]
Vanessa Carlysle: Shit! ShitI Shit!
Deadpool: Don't worry. I'm totally on top of this.

Wade Wilson: [drops fistful of tickets on counter] A limited edition Voltron Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.
Arcade Ticket Taker: [moves tickets aside] Okay, here we go...
Wade Wilson: [indicates ring to Vanessa] I've had my eye on this sucker for a while.
Vanessa Carlysle: And I will take the pencil eraser.
Arcade Ticket Taker: Okay.
[to Wade]
Arcade Ticket Taker: You are now the proud protector of the planet Arus.
[to Vanessa]
Arcade Ticket Taker: And you can erase stuff written in pencil.
Wade Wilson: [offers Vanessa his arm] M'lady.

Vanessa Carlysle: I've been trying to tell you assholes, you got the wrong girl! My old boyfriend, he's dead.
Ajax: See, I thought that, too. But he keeps on coming back. Like a cockroach, but uglier. Now, I may not feel, but he does. Let's see how he fights with your head on the block.

Vanessa Carlysle: [having sex, amazed at his stamina] How long can you keep this up?
Wade Wilson: All year long?

Deadpool: I live in a crack house. With a family of twelve. Every night we spoon for warmth. Everyone fights for Noelle. She's the fattest. There's nothing that we don't share. Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
Vanessa: So you live in a house?