Zombie Women of Satan

It is impossible to describe how awful this movie is. I searched this out after reading the bad reviews thinking that anything that bad must be worth laughing it. It isn't. Watching this cheap, stupid, bigoted, incompetently made and badly acted film isn't even worth an amused derisive chuckle.

I know there are some people who love "boobs and blood" films but the blood is about as convincing as little children have as part of their fancy dress on halloween and the boobs are attached to overweight, pasty-white slappers who couldn't turn a television on.If this description still applies to you then try google images.

With the exception of Harmony Starr all the women in this movie are either obese, painfully thin, flat-chested, ugly as sin, talentless, buck-toothed or Scottish. In most cases more than one.

There might be people who find the same four letter word used a million times hilarious but I'm not one of them. Whoever wrote the so-called script should have his fingers broken to stop him writing anything else.

I didn't listen to warnings about how bad this was. Don't make my mistake. Zombie Women of Satan is not worth renting, buying or downloading for free.Avoid.

This is quite possibly the worse film I have ever had the misfortune to see - and I've seen Hope Floats with Sandra Bullock.

The acting is truly terrible, the script is weak, the direction amateurish and the "comedy" just plain bad. In all respects, it is a typical weak "British Zombie Comedy Horror" that has no saving grace. To make matters worse, it is chock full of pointless nudity, which was probably only inserted because it was the only way they could get that much needed 18 certificate. Whoever financed this movie should not only ask for their money back but also fine all those involved. They say a little talent can go a long way but the makers of this film have tried to stretch no talent even further.

Avoid at all costs.

... and can I just apologise to the world for anyone who unluckily stumbled across this 'film'! I would like to apologise on behalf of Newcastle, the North-East of England and just the United Kingdom in general! This film is seriously a waste of your life and time! I hear Warren Speed is making a sequel!!! Well his cast obviously haven't seen the original and realise what damage it will do to their reputations and future 'careers'! The 'humour' in this film is absolutely abysmal... and not a true representation of the North East of England or it's people! The 'scripting', 'directing' and 'acting' in this film is beyond human comprehension... and not a true representation of the North East of England or it's people! Honestly! People around England... and the globe have this idea that Geordies and people from the North East are stupid, immature and hopeless... and people like Warren Speed and his cast of ridiculous half-wits really don't help! Please! If you have spare money and are tempted to rent or buy this utter shambolic atrocity!!! PleaseE!!! Reconsider and give it to a homeless person, or a charity... or just rent/buy a film that won't make you feel like humanity is not worth saving! Warren Speed aka Pervo The Talentless Clown... you really are a disgrace to art and everything else and should be wholeheartedly ashamed of yourself!

If you can laugh about "Great Tit(le)" and think that's hilarious, then you might be able to really enjoy this movie. Although I think that my joke is slightly better than any punch-line in the movie. Still they are trying and almost look cute, while doing silly things. You can't take this seriously (and why would you), but still too many jokes are off (taking a dump might be funny to some, but when it goes on for too long, it's unbearable).

Also the characters are really awful in a bad sense. None deserve any kind of attention or have any good lines (although even if they have the occasional good line, the delivery is so painfully off, that you wish it would have been a silent movie). Come to think of it .. as a silent movie this might actually work ... if you take away the color too, then it might even be awesome ... seriously though, you have to be in a very special kind of mood to enjoy this (although as I can see here there are quite a few that actually did).

The quick version goes like this: There are films that are terrible but worth a look for certain reasons, even if only one reason.

These may include;

* Outlandish plot devices

* Nudity

* Over the top action and cheesy effects

* Stupid humour and so-bad-it's-good moments

* Low budget creativity and having a crack.

Zombie Women of Satan uses none of these devices in a way that deserves any credit whatsoever. In fact it uses the Troma hook as its only lure – having a title that practically demands attention even if you know it will be bad.

Only as I just mentioned Zombie Women of Satan is not good-horrible, just horrible horrible.

I am not going to waste my time and yours discussing the various flaws and faults of this film, suffice to say it sucks balls from first minute to last. There wasn't one moment that was even "no-one will believe this" or "Gee that was crazy". Even the nudity was lamentable with fat chicks in granny pants covered in fake blood.

I thought Doghouse was a lazy manipulative barrel scraper of a film.

I refuse to watch The Human Centipede because it is simply a transparent attempt at attention because of the gross out factor, the director even tells everyone the entire plot he is so desperate to be acknowledged for his so-called edginess.

I hated this film for how lazy it was. I watched it a few days ago and can't remember anything without looking at notes. In another week all I will remember is how much I hated this film, that might be the only thing I take away from the experience.

If I reach one person and stop them from watching this steaming turd I have added value to society, if only briefly. This is the worst movie I have watched in 2 years, probably longer.

Final Rating – 0.5 / 10. Even the most cold and calculated attempt at finding notoriety through exploitation and violence should only be attempted by someone who can use a basic calculator. This is so inept that I wouldn't have been surprised if there was a single eye on screen for the duration of the film. The 0.5 score is because the cameraman pointed the camera in the right direction, the loss of the other 9.5 points is because by doing so I had to watch what happened.