Witchslayer Gretl

It was with very little expectations that I sat down to watch the 2012 TV movie "Witchslayer Gretl". Why? Well, take a look at the synopsis and the cast ensemble, it just doesn't bode well.

But still, it could be a surprise and actually turn out to be an enjoyable movie. But no, that was not the case. I managed to last probably halfway through this movie before I finally dozed off and fell asleep. And let me say that it had already been a struggle up to the halfway point to stay awake, because the movie was just boring and didn't offer much of anything interesting.

The characters in the movie were two-dimensional and had nothing in terms of being memorable or particularly likable.

And the fact that the storyline was just as predictable as it was uninspiring, just didn't help in favor of the movie.

I awoke to the end credits and I must honestly admit that I have no intentions of returning to finish the last half of the movie, because I saw enough in the first half, and I can pretty much figure out the rest just by guessing, as the movie was that predictable.

The special effects were adequate, although they were on the cheap side of the scale, and that didn't really work out so well for the movie, especially since a fantasy movie should have some believable effects, if not have effects that bedazzle the audience.

For hardcore fans of fairy tales, then I am sure that there is something worthwhile on this alternate approach to the classic tale. But for a regular movie enthusiast, not so much.

It might be possible to make a good updated version of Hansel and Gretel but this trifling Syfy original is decidedly NOT it. Choosing to merely throw the hapless viewer into the 'thick' of things with Hansel now being a master witch slayer doing his thing, which I surmise is shooting arrows while poorly CGI'd fireballs come his way. It doesn't get better from there. Charectization is supremely dull when it's not downright confusing, couple that with characters I don't really give two tosses about and it's a recipe for massive boredom. I only got through it only to review, condemn and steer you clear of watching this mess. Also if you're a fan of Shannon Doherty be prepared to be doubly disappointed as she's woefully underused.

My Grade: D-

The 1800s story of "Hansel and Gretel" (from the Brothers Grimm) receives a confusing sequel with "Witchslayer Gretl". The original ending seems to have been ignored; probably, we are to assume other events occurred in the intervening years. In what appears to be about 30 years after the famous brother and sister cooked the old witch's goose, we find adult Paul McGillion (as Hansel) is a Witchslayer. He kills witches (violently) with help from recovering blonde witch Sarain Boylan (as Lara). They pick up and reform younger blonde witch Emilie Ullerup (as Ehren). Hansel is attempting to discover the fate of his sister Gretel, who is adult Shannen Doherty (spelled Gretl)...

Early on, Ms. Doherty appears only in shadows - probably, this is because we would all say, "A-ha! That's his sister Gretl" - okay, there is no reason for the shadows. There is also no reason to call this TV Movie "Witchslayer Gretl". Doherty's "Gretl" is not the Witchslayer. That title belongs to Hansel. Still, you have to forgive director Mario Azzopardi and folks who named this story, for not knowing the Witchslayer - it is a difficult movie to sit through, even (obviously) for the people who created this poorly titled "Witchslayer Gretl". Also in the cast is warlock Jefferson Brown (as Abyss), who has issues with Ms. Boylan and the Queen Witch. He also has great sideburns.

** Witchslayer Gretl (2/25/12) Mario Azzopardi ~ Paul McGillion, Sarain Boylan, Shannen Doherty, Jefferson Brown

If you finished the title of this review without thinking, you're familiar with the flavor of "Gretl: Witch Hunter."

Saturday afternoon matinée sword 'n sorcery at it's middlest. The anachronisms might cause you to throw your (empty) beer at the screen, but in mock anger, much like the actors.

The conditions I watched this under weren't the best, so I won't speak to cinematography, but the FX match up with the latter episodes of Xena, though not quite to Legend of the Seeker or certainly Game of Thrones, but, well...

If you have a few hours, a few beers, and maybe a good friend to laugh with, it's not time completely wasted.

Very very bad. Feels like a particularly bad episode of Xena or The Seeker. Plot is meaningless and makes no sense. CGI is pathetic. Acting is very unconvincing. Shannen Doherty's career is clearly over.