Reviews

I initially did not want to see this movie. Why would I want to see a freakish puppet movie with the voice talent from South Park? I've never been a fan of South Park, although there are some damn funny and irreverent episodes. My favorite South Park character is Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo. Feces and Christmas went hand-in-hand in my house growing up, but mostly just feces.

I caved in and saw the movie because of all the hype. It has been touted as 'the funniest film of the year.' I hardly agree. Coloradoans Trey Parker and Matt Stone have done it again however. It had some great parts, but it's mostly ridiculous and doesn't work very well, especially the brainless one-on-one fight scenes. The puppets smack each other around, showing the obvious limitations of the puppets themselves. They probably would have had more success if they used CG.

I also saw this movie to conquer my fear of marionette puppets. It hardly worked. I think my mind is even more wounded now.

The visuals were just plain creepy. I shuttered in my seat from the very start of the movie and my uneasiness continued throughout the whole film. Nothing makes my skin crawl more than watching inanimate objects showing emotion, moving awkwardly and even f*cking. Yes f*cking! To get the R rating instead of NC-17, the hot puppet-f*cking scene had to be re-cut 9 times. I look forward to the Director's Cut DVD just to see the puppet-loving scene in its original glory.

One thing is for sure, the loving puppets represent. Oh yes they represent. They show the audience many human fornication techniques found in the Kama Sutra. It's the most hilarious part of the movie, if puppet-sex can be called hilarious. I enjoyed it, although I expected the puppets to show up in my dreams, using their puppeteer control strings to strangle me. Marionettes startle me much like the forbidding Muppet Swedish Chef.

Comedic Genius Phil Hendrie was the voice of Intelligence the computer.

I found amusing how Team America went into different countries to fight terrorism and ended up saving the day while causing a gaggle of collateral damage. They destroy many Paris landmarks and the Great Pyramids in Egypt throughout the movie … all in the name of freedom. It was funny.

Overall, the film is entertaining but I won't see it again in the theaters. 1997's Orgazmo was better. 1999's South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut was even better. Even Baseketball was better. Team America: World Police is a horrifying 'visual achievement' but the creators were obviously limited. I have a hankering that the studio restricted and censored them a majority of the time. If these guys would be left alone to really create, I think they could generate the greatest comedic achievement of all time.

I would really like to know if the studio gave them any problems. Obviously they did, considering 9 different edits of the puppet-loving scene. I enjoy writing the term puppet-loving.

Matt Stone said in an interview, 'We have a sex scene with puppets and [they] are not even anatomically correct, because they're like Barbie and Ken dolls. And we put them in little positions and rub them together and [play] some pretty music.' The sexual intercourse scenes are almost like how I innocently used to play-emulate sex between my inarticulate action figures of Han Solo and Princess Leia … but different.

I suggest seeing this film in the theater, because I think it will loose something on the small screen. And the funny thing about the whole thing is that the movie is rated R for graphic, crude and sexual humor, violent images and strong language - all involving bloodcurdling, ill at ease moving puppets. I hate marionettes. I really hate marionettes.

The Twin Peaks pilot aired on April 8, 1990. It created a buzz around the nation as everyone wanted to know 'Who Killed Laura Palmer?' I highly recommend you watch this series. It will astound you, disturb you and most importantly, make you jones for coffee, doughnuts and cherry pie! Groundbreaking television! Episodes are available on VHS, with the first season on DVD.

The first episode of the Peaks that I actually watched was episode 16: Arbitrary Law (2.009, Original Airdate: December 1, 1990), in which a strange gathering is called to the Roadhouse and the murderer of Laura Palmer is revealed. I was hooked from that point on.

I've seen the complete series about 6 times and still marvel at the witty dialogue and 'Lynchian' feel. The series ended on June 10, 1991, with one of the unhappiest endings in the history of television.

Miguel Ferrer played FBI agent Agent Albert Rosenfield. Albert had the best lines in the series.

Watch Twin Peaks. Watch it!

consider myself a snobbish shaman when it comes to filmy knowledge. When I speak on motion pictures, the words flow from my body as if medicines and elixirs intoxicated me. Be it the opus Zapped! or the classic Killer Klowns from Outer Space, I pride myself on bringing to illumination the forgotten masterpieces of cinema. I bark obscure film knowledge. That is why I am praising the likes of one of the top ten most overlooked films of the early 1980s: Super Fuzz aka Super Snooper aka Poliziotto superpiù.

This comedy, live action, sci-fi/fantasy and action/adventure film even made it to my coveted top 25 Movie Moments list:

19.) The super powers of Officer Dave Speed…Dave becomes able to move objects with the mind force, discover mysterious crimes, jump with no problem from a skyscraper and blow a massively huge bubble from one piece of gum to save he and his friends from a sunken ship. Like most heroes, there is a weakness…the color red. (Super Fuzz, 1980)

This film was a force on late night HBO during my hazy childhood. It played everyday and night. I recorded it on VHS and watched it religiously along with the above-mentioned Zapped!

Super Fuzz was a superhero like no other. Behold his powers! He makes all the people in the Orange Bowl (tens of thousands of people!) disappear into the unknown reaches of time and space with but a thought! The physics and theories behind these mind force powers have serious implications and are staggering. I only aspire to have such mind force powers.

I recently acquired a mint condition vinyl recording of the film's catchy and amazingly plentiful disco theme song 'Super Snooper' by The Oceans:

'He's a super-snooper, Really super-trooper!'

That Ernest Borgnine made the film even better as Sgt. Willy Dunlop.

It is mandatory viewing for any serious student of film. 'Super, Super!'

Cast:

Terence Hill as Dave Speed, Ernest Borgnine as Sgt. Willy Dunlop, Joanne Dru as Rosy Labouche, Marc Lawrence as Torpedo, Julie Gordon as Evelyn

Sergio Corbucci directed Super Fuzz.

After work yesterday, I went to the gigantic screen Continental 6 theatre in glorious Denver and saw The Day After Tomorrow.

It's about time another extravagant doomsday motion picture summer blockbuster hit the big screen. Director Roland Emmerich of The Patriot (2000), Godzilla (1998), Independence Day (1996) and Stargate (1994) fame really socked it to the audience with this one.

I enjoyed this film. It's so Emmerich-esque! Dennis Quaid is Jack Hall, a climatologist who figures out the world will suffer from abrupt global warming. Instead of occurring a hundred to a thousand years in the future, it begins to happen now. The special effects tense fest begins. It's a wacky special FX extravaganza!

The audience is assaulted with natural disaster after natural disaster from Los Angles tornados to massive tidal waves slamming unfortunate New York City to quick freezes in the 'eye' of the storm. Quaid makes a promise that he'll get to his young son in New York, which is now being taken over by a new ice age.

Jake Gyllenhaal, who played Homer Hickam in October Sky (1999) (a rocketry film which inspires me each and every time I see it), plays Quaid's son Sam Hall. Gyllenhaal does a decent job with some extreme action sequences.

Plus this film has a dirty homeless guy as comic relief. One cannot go wrong with positive or negative portrayals of street people and their newspaper insulation. The film gets kudos for having a destitute guy and his dog prominently featured.

It's not the best movie ever made, but it is entertaining. I recommend seeing it in theaters where one can point and laugh at the cowering/weeping children in the audience. This film is Rated PG-13 for intense situations of peril. And if the weather scenes don't scare you, the ravaging and hungry wolves will.

Trivia: Emmerich executive produced the film Eight Legged Freaks (2002), but I will not hold against him.

This DVD is a gem in my collection. Never before gathered in one spot can a man using a puppet as a venue be so insulting and degrading to all men and women, celebrities or no. It's one of the great pieces of comedy art ever created.

Being a Star Wars fan, I was delighted to see Triumph mocking and jeering at all of the nerds in their little Ewok and Jedi costumes waiting in line to see Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. I particularly laughed at Triumph talking to contestants auditioning for American Idol. He is brutal. Too bad it was on Late Night with Conan O'Brien instead of cable. The network censored too many things in my opinion. Cable TV is where Triumph would really flourish.

I'm not claiming to be a hater or one who enjoys slinging slurs, but living vicariously through a cigar smoking dog puppet with Robert Smigel's hand shoved up its rear-end really means a lot to me. It means I don't have to do it. It's all about the comedy in my opinion. Smigel does a great job with improvisation while his prepared shtick is also good. This DVD caters to a certain demographic; I guess one that I fall into. It may not be for the pure of heart. I'm crude but a goodly kind of crude. Rent or buy it today. Do it! Or you can borrow mine.

It's good for a laugh.

After seeing Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ (2004), I had a hankering for a feast of hot wings, fries, cold beverage and Rocky Mountain Oysters. I went to the local Wings of Fire restrent.

While partaking in the fried delights, I pondered the movie. I liked this film. This film moved me. I will give you impressions of the movie, as it is up to each individual who sees it to decide if they liked it or not. The scourge of Jesus is pretty vicious, but I am rarely shocked by anything. There is brutal violence and lots of caking and pooling blood, exposed ribs and so on and so forth. Be prepared. Nobody should have to go through what Jesus did. I wept.

James Caviezel, in a role of a lifetime, played a high-quality Jesus. The original language was a nice touch, and I found it very easy to read the subtitles and still take in the imagery. I still think Willem Dafoe's Jesus in The Last Temptation of Christ was better.

This film had Mel Gibson written all over it. Anyone who is a fan of Braveheart will see many common themes and images in both films. The score is excellent, a Shankar/Peter Gabriely New World-like score by John Debney.

It's a must see for people of all faiths. It is cinema art at it's finest.

Pondering the fate of Jesus didn't make me enjoy my fried feast any better, but if you've never tried Rocky Mountain Oysters, aka calf fries, bull testicles, prairie oysters, Montana tendergroins, cowboy caviar or swinging beef, you are really missing out on a delicacy.

I'm not usually a fan of organ meats, but I like RMOs! I have nothing against eating animal genitalia. In some cultures, animal genitalia are considered an aphrodisiac.

That's right friends, we craggy folks of the Rocky Mountain expanse are not easily upset. Go see The Passion of the Christ.

Boy oh boy … Bubba Ho-Tep (Limited Collector's Edition) (2002) is a great movie directed by Don Coscarelli. I praise this film.

This is a comedy, horror and drama film all mixed together to form a great piece of cinema. The movie takes place in Texas at an old folks home, which is being used as a hunting ground for a soul-sucking Egyptian entity. It's up to resident elderly men to rid the assisted living home of this evil. The elderly men are Bruce Campbell as Elvis Presley and Ozzie Davis as an eccentric Jack 'JFK' Kennedy, both having never died as history has told us.

I laughed out loud at many of the scenes, mainly because of their absurdity and hilarious dialogue. Campbell does an excellent job as the aged, walker-assisted Presley. He lights up the screen with physical comedy, sidesplitting discourse and some serious moments such as Elvis' desire to tell his daughter he loves her. Watching the elderly Presley strike martial arts poses and using his walker as a weapon is worth the price of the DVD alone. The commentary track by 'the King' is a funny/wacky bonus as well.

If you have a chance, pick up a copy of Bubba Ho-Tep today.

Memorable Quotes:

Elvis: Don't make me use my stuff on ya, baby!

Elvis: [to Bubba Ho-Tep] Come and get it, you undead sack of s**t.

Elvis: Uh, Mr. President... You're on the floor. JFK: No s**t?

Action! Action! No action! And More. Aside from a few spectacular action sequences, the very thought of Tom Cruise's "Matrix-esqu" acrobatics is disturbing. Not enough Impossible Mission and too much character development. This film does not live up to the hype surrounding it.

If you like "impossible" motorcycle chase sequences and very few gadgets, this one is for you.

A classic! Worth it to see some pretty good stars "in their prime." Veteran Actor Harry Dean Stanton (the father figure) delivers one of his best performances with the line "Avenge ME!" An 80's master piece that was also the first PG-13 film ever! Also touted as the most violent film of the time.

This movie has star power! From Todd Bridges to Michael J. Fox, this coming of age film is a must see for those who like watching famous stars "in their prime." Entertaining and informing, this film possesses a power beyond that of normal cinema.

Scott Baio and Willie Aames (before Charles in Charge)! This coming of age comedy has some great moments, from saucy skin glimpses to flying mattresses. This classic 80's film is a must see! The "Barney Bone-head" scene is a cinematic gem and worth the dollar rental alone. Don't forget to look for the flying Millennium Falcon/USS Enterprise mock-up for several key sequences!

Baio went on to be Charles in "Charles in Charge" while Aames is now the educational leader "Bible Man!"

"Manos" is a great film. After a slow "drive" opening sequence, the story quickly enters a haze of disturbing images and situations.

Then enter Torgo, the Man Goat. Torgo fumbles around the screen mumbling about the MASTER while making pathetic passes at the female lead...and the MASTER wants little children...

The haunting Torgo theme adds spice to this masterpiece. Shot in "last known photograph" stock, this screen gem will make you like low budget films all the more.