derschwart
Joined Aug 2017
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Reviews11
derschwart's rating
I thought this movie was going to be a fun violent little treat, a nice kickback homage to 80s VHS tapes at the video store. I couldn't have left more disappointed. I feel like I bought a variety pack because I liked the packaging but none of the flavors inside tasted right.
The first story features the most unrealistic group of punks I've ever seen. They've all seemingly gone through the Disney School of Acting-I never once bought any of them as punks. All style, no attitude. And the climax could've been bloody fun, but CGI blood spurts aren't my idea of paying homage to the 80s. Take a page from the Terrifier movies there. 1/5
The second story... I just really didn't like it. The story was boring and the rap battle it led to was even worse. Scary Movie 3's rap battle scene goes harder than what was featured here. It's a whole story that would've been perfect for the cutting room floor (and then they double down on it in the credits, Jesus.) 0.5/5
The third story gets a bit warmer with a really fun cameo from a two-time academy award winning actor and the underdog cinema banter that follows his introduction. It seems like the movie's about to hit a stride when focus goes up on some guy-who also seemingly went to the Disney school of acting-staring at Pascal's character with a mean mug that can only be brought in by roid rage or bad acting (or whatever nonsensical red herring the green lightning is, it certainly isn't the shining suitcase from Pulp Fiction that it wants to be.) 2/5
I gave up by the fourth story, but stayed in my seat for the rest, wondering how this movie exists when it's so hard to get something original made these days, and sort of mad at it for existing. The fourth story didn't change my mind about the rest, but the action featured in it is solid, and it's clear that the other stories were made to revolve around this STAR story but... it just comes after a series of "and then" storytelling. I never cared. There was never a "therefore" throughout the interconnected stories. It was all just "and then and then and then." 2/5
I thought these filmmakers would put out something better than this. But this is one of the worst homages to 80s cinema that I've ever seen-and I love camp, I love cinematic violence... this cocktail just didn't taste right to me. For the first time in my life, going to the movies felt like a waste of time.
Overall: 1.3/5.
The first story features the most unrealistic group of punks I've ever seen. They've all seemingly gone through the Disney School of Acting-I never once bought any of them as punks. All style, no attitude. And the climax could've been bloody fun, but CGI blood spurts aren't my idea of paying homage to the 80s. Take a page from the Terrifier movies there. 1/5
The second story... I just really didn't like it. The story was boring and the rap battle it led to was even worse. Scary Movie 3's rap battle scene goes harder than what was featured here. It's a whole story that would've been perfect for the cutting room floor (and then they double down on it in the credits, Jesus.) 0.5/5
The third story gets a bit warmer with a really fun cameo from a two-time academy award winning actor and the underdog cinema banter that follows his introduction. It seems like the movie's about to hit a stride when focus goes up on some guy-who also seemingly went to the Disney school of acting-staring at Pascal's character with a mean mug that can only be brought in by roid rage or bad acting (or whatever nonsensical red herring the green lightning is, it certainly isn't the shining suitcase from Pulp Fiction that it wants to be.) 2/5
I gave up by the fourth story, but stayed in my seat for the rest, wondering how this movie exists when it's so hard to get something original made these days, and sort of mad at it for existing. The fourth story didn't change my mind about the rest, but the action featured in it is solid, and it's clear that the other stories were made to revolve around this STAR story but... it just comes after a series of "and then" storytelling. I never cared. There was never a "therefore" throughout the interconnected stories. It was all just "and then and then and then." 2/5
I thought these filmmakers would put out something better than this. But this is one of the worst homages to 80s cinema that I've ever seen-and I love camp, I love cinematic violence... this cocktail just didn't taste right to me. For the first time in my life, going to the movies felt like a waste of time.
Overall: 1.3/5.
