Reviews
Mario Tennis Advance (2005)
Making this an RPG was a bad idea
I remember playing this game as a kid on my friends Game Boy Advance SP. The first thing I was wondering was, who is this Alex person? Why is everything based on dialogue and where is Mario?? Apparently Mario and the characters don't appear until the end until you pass your classes at the academy. But what's the point? You buy this game FOR the Mario characters and this game hardly has them. Mario Tennis 64 is a much better title for your money if you want a real Mario Tennis game. It at least has the characters you want to play available. I can't recommend this game as it is boring and frustrating.
The Grinch (2018)
Perfect Holiday Gift
Since Illumination did a great job with the Lorax, of course it made sense to make an adaption of the Grinch. One that Audrey and Dr. Seuss would be proud of. Don't get me wrong, the 1966 one will always be perfect. I don't feel that this movie is trying to erase that one. If anything, it's trying to erase the nightmare fuel god awful Jim Carrey version.
The colors and animation in this film is nice, and the humor really hits the spot for me. I still laugh so hard when I see the carolers chase the Grinch and Max. I also laugh at the scenes with Mabel the dog. Every holiday I actually end up saying: "Mabel is delivering cakes now! Is this the best Christmas or what?!" So funny!
Benedict Cumberbatch shines as the Grinch, like most and the filmmakers, I was hoping he would do his natural accent, however he personally felt it would be better if he did an American accent because of the other characters, I guess that makes sense. Other than than, Cindy Lou is a nice character, she's kind like the book and makes me laugh when needed. I love how they did her because it felt like she was real.
The ending was a bit of a tearjerker as well. Seeing the Grinch have social anxiety about going to the Christmas dinner and then seeing him accepted by the others was heartwarming. Minor note: I love that Rashida Jones and Kenan Thompson were in this film. Pharrell Williams does a fine job as the narrator. Some of the music I didn't like in the movie, but that's a minor complaint.
I fist saw this film on a cruise ship right after I recovered from COVID, and it was a perfect gift for me. I have no doubt Audrey Seuss before she died was satisfied with this production and the heart that went in it. May she rest in peace and this will forever be a holiday classic, and is currently the highest grossing Christmas film of all time!
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
Terminator 3
Terminator 3 was a movie I was looking forward to. This was because it came after Terminator 2 which was one of not the best in the franchise and the fact that the third film always has something I'm interested in.
However, this film turned out to be a disappointment, I don't hate it, but it didn't give me what I wanted. I can explain. The title is Rise of the Machines correct? The poster shows a machine army commanded by T-X. So I expected a scene similar to the second movie, with Arnold Schwarzenegger on a roof with a machine gun blasting a ton of terminators, in similar style to the second one. But to my shock, there is none of that. The machine army only appears in a flash forward for three seconds, and the rest of the movie is something we've seen before.
So it's technically not "Rise of the Machines" it's just another Terminator movie where they need to protect John Connor. I did enjoy some parts of it, but because it did not give me what was promised makes this a big disappointment. I'm going to have to think hard about watching the others after 2. Because the first two are awesome.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
Would give it Zero Stars if I could
I'm just going to flat out say it. I wish this movie never existed. It doesn't do justice to the original book and sort of spits on the legacy of Dr. Seuss. Here's the first problem: Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey can do good work, don't get me wrong, but most of the time his work can be downright annoying and bad. In this adaptation of the Grinch, we have dark lightning, creepy characters (especially Carrey) and innuendos. I'm serious. The movie looks creepy and scary. Ron Howard created this and it's hard to tell since he also created Happy Days.
They also changed the Grinch's storyline. He hates Christmas because of something that happened at school with a girl? Really? Did we really need to give the Grinch a love interest? This is one of the movies produced during Audrey Seuss' lifetime. This and Mike Myers Cat in the Hat was the reason why they switched to animated movies. Because of disasters like this. I have no idea why people still watch this awful movie. It is scary and not pleasant to watch. It will give you nightmares.
Now the internet is begging Jim Carrey to play the Grinch again. I have not idea why, but he should not. Out of all the adaptions of the Grinch, this is the worst one ever. Watch either the original one (which is timeless and classic). Or the new one with Benedict Cumberbatch, because at least the new one got positive reviews and is the highest grossing Christmas movie of all time. Don't want to listen to me? Here's one more thing to convince you. This is the ONLY Grinch movie to get a negative rating on rotten tomatoes. If you don't want to listen to me, listen to critics of common sense and avoid this movie at all costs.
Haunted Mansion (2023)
Welcome Foolish Mortals
About twenty years after the original "The Haunted Mansion" released. Disney released a reboot simply titled "Haunted Mansion". With new characters and an all-star cast. I know what you are wondering and let me answer the question right away. Is it better than the 2003 version? Short answer. Yes. It's better in every way.
Unlike the 2003 version where the kids sort of brung down the story. Travis (the kid in this film) does not at all. He's a bit of the comic relief, but he's also a great character. The movie establishes that the characters in this film are trapped until they solve the mystery of the mansion, which already fixes a big plot hole from the previous version. All of these characters have stories and their own unique skills. I can't tell you how much Father Kent made me laugh as well as Harriet. The protagonist, Ben is a nice character. He's not over the top like Eddie Murphy's was, and I feel like I could resonate with him. Additional note, Edward Gracey is done way better in this film.
I like that they also have Rosario Dawson, who besides being good on the eyes to look at always, can act. She also has her fair share of funny moments. This movie also amps up the scary factor. True you won't notice it on the first viewing, but if you pick the movie apart, you'll realize it's darker and scarier than you realize and it doesn't try to hide that with stupid forced humor.
The runtime has been criticized, however I think it makes sense. The movie is trying to show you everything that the ride has, and it simply cannot do that in an hour and a half. Now for one of the best parts, probably the best part of the movie. Hatbox. Yes, Hatbox Ghost is the villain of the movie, and they really made him seem intimidating and interesting. From a character who was just an animatronic in an attic when he first started, I like how they breathed life into him. Let's not forget all the quotes from the ride they added in this movie. They really did their research.
The only problems I had with the film was that the best version of "Grim Grinning Ghosts" is saved for the ending, and a large part of me was hoping Ben and Gabbie would get to together as Ben seemed like he could be a cool step-father to Travis. A part of me thinks they are dating at the end, but maybe that's just my fan brain talking.
Overall, excellent movie. It's a shame it bombed at the box office. But we'll put it next to other Disney films who deserved better: John Carter and the Lone Ranger.
Enter if you dare!!
Muppets Haunted Mansion (2021)
Find a way out..if you can
Muppet's Haunted Mansion is a neat adaption of the ride from Disney Land and Disney World. What's even better is that it focuses on Gonzo, my all time favorite muppet Character. I love the character arc they gave for him. Of course, this is a Muppet movie, so we have to have some humor in there, and the deliveries from Miss Piggy and the others are on point. The references to the ride are definitely there and easy to spot for your little ones. For instance, when the host appeared, he began to say lines directly from the ride. I also loved that scene where they interrupted him. That was hilarious.
Speaking of references, I noticed who Taraji P Henson's character was when she wore the brides dress. I was thinking, oh crap, she's the Bride. I knew Pepe was in trouble and it was amazing that Gonzo went to save him. I was cheering the entire time. Are you taking notes 2003 Haunted Mansion? This is how you do a spooky wedding.
As an adaptation of the ride, I like this a lot, as a Muppet movie, this excels too as it is the only other Muppet movie besides Muppets from Space that focuses on Gonzo. In this case, I will definitely re-watch it again and again. More watchable than the 2003 Haunted Mansion.
The Haunted Mansion (2003)
Superstition ain't the way
The Haunted Mansion is a movie I meant to see for a while. I heard it got negative reviews from critics but has a cult following. So I decided to check it out. It did come out around my time and from the trailers and Raven Symone's music video that aired on Disney Channel it looked exciting and spooky. So I opened my Disney+ and began to watch the movie.
The Haunted Mansion is based on the ride from both Disney Land and Disney World. The ride is a spooky ride, which you would think the movie would be. For the record, it could scare little kids, but as an adult, you will wonder if they tried. Some people say Eddie Murphy brings down this film, but I think it's more of the writing. For example, the family is called to the Haunted Mansion for a real estate deal and end up being trapped due to a storm. Next, Jim Evers is forced to solve a mystery regarding a curse upon the house. We later learn that the curse is caused by William Gracey's love Elizabeth's supposed death. But it leads you to wonder, how does that place a curse on the house.
Furthermore, why is the Evers family being forced to solve this mystery? I think the scariest parts of the film come from the scenes with Sara and Mr. Gracey. They spend an awful lot of time together don't they? I'm kind of glad the film is teaching us that adultery is okay. I think I was terrified when "Elizabeth" and Gracey kissed. Because I didn't see Elizabeth. I saw Sara Evers.
Besides that the Dapper Dans appear as the singing busts in the film. For the record, they are the best part of this movie. They are funny and their harmonies are great. I love after Jim interupts them singing "Coming around the mountain" if you pause for a brief second. They look ticked off that he interrupted them. It's hilarious. Also, the ending where they sing "We'll keep it down" is funny.
Ramsley is a boring villain. I guess he's supposed to be like the Ghost House from the ride, but I would have liked it if they made him more like that character. Instead they give the Ghost Host's greatest line to Wallace Shawn. "There's always my way." Not to mention Raven Symone's song "Superstition" which is a cover of Stevie Wonder's song, is not included in the movie at all!
Overall, there some enjoyable parts, but if you are looking for a faithful adaption of the ride. This isn't there. Might be good for kids, but not for adults.
The Amazing Race: The Longest Minute of Your Life (2024)
Horrible Season of the Amazing Race
Horrible Season of the Amazing Race
Season 35 of the Amazing race was great. This season was just terrible. There were no U turns and hardly any challenges. The whole season was rigged so that Ricky and Cesar could win. If you don't believe me, watch the season again and notice that most of the locations are places that are Hispanic or ones that are familiar to them. They literally won 7 legs and they are boring. I would have wanted the military pilots or Rod and Leticia to win. The one thing that made other seasons great was unpredictability, that was not in this season and I do believe adding a U turn would have fixed this season. It was too boring. I hope the next season is better because this season was terrible. 1/10.
Life with Derek (2005)
Life With Derek
I remember when this show aired. As a young boy, I only caught a few episodes when my mother watched it. Then as a I got older, I decided to re-watch it. I will say (coming from a male reviewer) this is a great show. I'm only on episode 10 of Season 1 and I'm admiring how different this show is compared to modern Disney shows.
I always say that the classic shows/movies are more creative and they are. They don't force humor or add an annoying laugh track just to entertain us, and this one doesn't do either. It lets us enjoy the show as it is, similar to Phil of the Future. Will I be watching more? Of course! It's refreshing to see this type of TV show compared to the modern Disney shows which aren't as creative as this one.
The Flash (2023)
The "Spider-Man No Way Home" of the DCEU
I went to see this movie expecting it to be satisfying as like everyone else, I was excited to see the greatest Batman ever return. Michael Keaton of course. But this movie turned out to be better than I expected. I know the controversy around Ezra Miller, and I'm going to be honest, if they did this movie with a different actor in the role, that would not change my rating for this movie.
I like Supergirl in this film, Sasha Calle is a great choice and if she had a chance to play alongside Henry Cavill, I have no doubt they would have made an awesome pair. The reason why they added Keaton was because of the Flashpoint comic, not just for nostalgia. In the comic, Barry meets an older version of Batman named Thomas Wayne. So someone clever at DC thought, why not make the Batman Keaton? It's a great thought, because it confirms what Batman 89 the comic book confirmed. That Batman Forever and Batman and Robin are no longer canon and are separate movies. It was super nostalgic seeing Keaton quote some of his iconic lines, and he looked fantastic in the suit!
Let's give props to Ezra for at least this, he had to play two characters throughout the entire film. I can only imagine how much work that was! Zod in this movie gave a more convincing performance than in Man of Steel, and once again, this is another DC movie I'd rather watch than Man of Steel. I admit I got emotional on the scene where Barry had to put back the tomatoes that his mom purchased. He knew and we knew that doing that would kill his mother, and that's what makes the scene more emotional.
But I've saved the best for last. The best part is, the cameos at the end! I cheered when they added Christopher Reeve! He's my most favorite Superman of all time, and seeing him made me cheer. Along with seeing George Reeves, I like him too, I watched Adventures of Superman when I was younger. Adding Nicholas Cage was a nice touch! He missed out on playing him in an actual movie so I'm glad they added him. Along with Adam West! Cool! I know people complain about the cameos, but Rogue one did it and you people didn't complain! Did you?
Also, that George Clooney cameo. When I saw him, I immediately said: "The Heat is on!" I laughed as well. Overall, this is one of the better DCEU movies that honors the legacy of the past movies, while setting the stage for James Gunn to take over. Here's to hoping Superman Legacy will be good. Guardians 3 was great, so I'm holding my breath.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Dang you Marvel!
Just when I think they have gone to the dogs, they manage to come out with a hit that I enjoy! Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is well-written, clever, funny and even made me cry a bit. This movie is essentially the equivalent of Avengers Endgame for the Guardians, they introduce new characters and give the old ones a loving send off.
I wish they had Nova, but he wouldn't fit as they had so many characters already. I do wish Star-Lord and Gamora got back together, because I thought since the first one had to do with Peter's mother, and the second one his father, maybe the third will be a love story between them on how they get back together. But they instead focus on Rocket, which I have no problem with. They added Lyla Beaver, which is who I wanted to see after playing the Telltale video game.
I literally was filled with emotion on the way they handled Rocket's story and how sad it was, but that made it more satisfying when he got payback against the high evolutionary. Speaking of which, I do think that Kang would have fit more in this movie as James Gunn originally intended, but the High Evolutionary works just fine. I also loved Cosmo in this film, despite what anyone says, She's a good dog. ;) and I wish I had a pet like her.
In addition, they had a Michael Rooker cameo that was worth it, and seeing them finally separate made me sad. Also hearing Groot's first official English sentence! James Gunn clearly knows how to make a Marvel movie that is heartfelt and funny at the same time. I am so glad all of us made Disney finish this legendary trilogy. Hats off to you and all the fans. Also, thank you James Gunn. Your Guardians trilogy will be forever timeless. Best of luck to you as you go on to fix DC. We will miss you!
The Perfect Find (2023)
Seriously??
I am amazingly shocked that this movie has a high rotten tomatoes rating. I've never read the book, but I was only interested in the film because my sister Gabrielle Union in it. I didn't think it would be this bad? By now you are saying: "You're being too harsh!"
Well, let me ask this question. Ladies, have you ever met a guy at a club, made out with him for a few minutes and then said you loved them? NO! No woman who respects herself would fall in love with a man instantly just because he's a good kisser. If you do find a woman who is like that, please have her seek help. Because those type of feelings will put her in danger.
Besides that, there is no chemistry between these two. This film makes "Marry Me" seem like the greatest love story ever. Throughout the movie these two are mostly seen in bed, and not partaking in activities that normal people who are interested in each other do. Like going to the movies, eating at a restaurant. Now you could argue that Jenna is afraid of her "boyfriends" mother Darcy. But that's more of the reason why she should have not told the kid that she loved him. In addition, there is a large age gap between the characters, so I don't see why Jenna would be interested in Eric.
At the end of the movie, when Gabrielle's character said: "I'd call it, the Perfect Find." I nearly vomited because of how bad it was. I cannot recommend this movie to anyone, and it hurts me to see my sister Gabrielle Union in a bad movie. But I at least hope the original author is happy with the finished product.
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Classic Gene Wilder
First, a little background. I grew up with this film. My older brother wore our VHS player out watching it over and over again. I understand why he liked it so much though. For me, it's okay, but I will go over the things I like about it first.
First, Gene Wilder. He's an excellent Willy Wonka. He's sort of like a candy wizard on this movie, and he portrays his character close to the material being energetic and hoping around. Even though Dahl wanted Spike Milligan, I like Wilder.
Second, the candy. The opening scene just makes me hungry every time I watch it! Those candy bars look delicious and will always be timeless. I also want to point out that I think Charlie's teacher is a kook. But that's why I like his character.
Okay, now to be honest. The musical numbers in the film I do not care for. Maybe it's because my family would sing them all the time, or maybe it's because every time a number came on, as a kid, my attention drifted away from the film. I got bored. I guess I was not the target market for this film.
I can see why everyone likes this, but I always prefer Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That movie is my jam. But if you like this classic, do you. Just don't go around saying either adaption is worse because they could learn from each other. On a final note, I want to mention this..on the boat. There was no seat for Augustus Gloop...
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
It's "Almost Unreal!"
Today is the 30th anniversary of this film (from when I wrote this. IMDB might post this later.) So after watching the new movie, I decided to go back and see this one.
Firstly, let me say, this is not a perfect movie, and I will go into more details in a YouTube video. But I prefer this over the new film. The casting in this film is better and Hoskins and Leguizamo seem more like Mario and Luigi than Pratt and Day.
If you watch the movie closely, you will notice more video game Easter eggs than you have seen before. This is also the only Mario media that has Luigi and Daisy portrayed as an official couple. And for that I am grateful. There are worse video game adaptions like "Street Fighter". Overall, I don't hate this as much as I used to. I also love the song by Roxette. It's timeless. Here's to my fingers being crossed for a Blu-ray release. 🤞🏽
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)
Who is running Hollywood these days?
I'm convinced that these directors have never played a Mario game. There are inconsistencies in this movie that I will go over a bit here, but if you would like more detail, I will make sure to include it in a YouTube video.
Firstly, they got the most crucial plot element wrong. Peach is the one that is supposed to be kidnapped! Not Luigi! One could argue that they are trying to flesh out Peach's character, but why is this movie called Super Mario Bros when the bros are not even together 80% of the movie!
Whose idea was it to cast Chris Pratt as Mario and Charlie Day as Luigi? They sound nothing like the video games and every time they spoke I wanted to facepalm. It's so off it's not funny. Why does an ice flower freeze Bowser when it doesn't not affect him or any of the other Koopas on the video game?? Seriously, get out your 3DS, Switch, Wii U or whatever and try to freeze Bowser during a boss battle on the game. IT DOES NOTHING!!!
Why is the origin of these two off? Remember in the original game, Cranky, the original DK kidnapped Pauline and Mario (Jumpman) had to save her? Yeah, that didn't happen. Also, when Donkey Kong first appeared, why did they play the DK Rap? They could have played the Donkey Kong Country SNES title theme remastered! Then I would have cheered.
Bowser singing on the piano was cringeworthy, and I don't care how much you want to make it epic, an invincibility star only lasts 13 seconds tops, not two minutes. Oh, and those surprise cameos from Charles Martinet. He plays a character who looks like the original Mario. It just reminds me of Uncharted on how they got the original actor just to waste them in a cameo.
I can't wait till they make a sequel and cast Kaitlin Olson as Daisy, Jordan Peele as Toadsworth and Brie Larson as Rosalina. It'll be epic it tell you!!
Uncharted (2022)
The Ballad of Magellan
Firstly, I want to start by saying something that most reviewers are unaware of when they give this movie positive reviews. IT'S BASED OFF A VIDEO GAME! No, it's not a generic action movie. It's based off the Uncharted PlayStation video games. With that being said. I saw this movie and did not like it, while I was bored during the film, I purchased the Uncharted Nathan Drake Collection on PS4 as I wanted to experience Uncharted for what it really was.
I played most of the games and I noticed one thing. This is a terrible video game adaptation. Can Hollywood never get these movies right?? Firstly, the casting. Tom Holland as Nathan Drake? Seriously? The guy looks nothing like Nathan Drake, and don't try to defend saying that he's supposed to be the younger version you saw in Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception, because they don't look alike for one, and two, this one in the movie is supposed to be an adult!!!! The character of Drake is wrong as well, he acts like this insecure kid when on the video games he was nothing like that.
Let's not forget Sully. Mark Wahlberg as Sully? What were they thinking? He doesn't look or sound like Sully, and that mustache doesn't fix it in the end credits scene! Gone are the characters from the games like Elena, Chloe is in this movie. I have to admit, the actress who plays her looks closest to the video game counterpart. More than Tom Holland ever could.
Antonion Banderas is in this film, until he's replaced with Tati Gabrielle as the main villain. Honestly Braddock (Tati Gabrielle) is not a good villain. She's a whiny wannabe antagonist. I don't recall Sully ever having a past with someone named Braddock in the games! The hunting for the treasure in this movie is basic blue's clues logic. Even if you took this a generic adventure movie, it needs to have something to make it stand out among the others. I'll give examples: Indiana Jones captivated us because of the mystery, action and fun, National Treasure gave us a new look at history which was fun and enjoyable to watch. Uncharted (THE VIDEO GAMES) gave us cool locations, engaging story and was very cinematic for a video game.
Uncharted the movie? Well, it's got Papa John's? That's the only thing it has going for it. The main treasure in this film is from the expedition of Magellan. Honestly, when I was watching this I expected Magellan from Animaniacs to appear at least to make this movie watchable. Let's also not forget, Nathan Drake does not use a gun hardly in the film, when 80% of the time you do that in the video games.
So, Uncharted is a terrible video game movie, place it on your bad video game movie trash bin next to Street Fighter (1994). Unfortunately for us, Sony CEO said that Uncharted is now a franchise and sequels are expected. That means they are going to make at least 3 more of these things with the same cast. God help us all...
Night at the Museum: Kahmunrah Rises Again (2022)
As Unnecessary as Toy Story 4
Disney owns 20th Century Fox now, and they are intent on making every possible penny they can. Watching the beginning of this I was totally lost. How did the tablet of Akmenrah get back to New York City permanently? It was decided by the characters that it should stay in London at the end of the third one! If you are trying to argue and say that Tilly the London night guard brought it back, that was only temporary. Why are the characters bullies in the movie, Watch the first few minutes and see how they traumatize a random night guard on purpose just because he's not Larry.
When does this film take place? It doesn't take place after the third, because the third one ended with Larry retiring from night guarding and becoming a professor. Also, Nick, his son, was considering college in the previous one, but now, he's presumably back in high school? Also, wasn't Kahmunrah sent to the underworld? Who made another wax mannequin of him? Why isn't Akmenrah in this despite the "legal disputes" of the actor. That shouldn't be an excuse, Owen Wilson isn't playing Jedidiah in this one as well as Ben Stiller in this.
Just call this a reboot, because it literally makes no sense. I got bored after the first 25 minutes. It's a far step down from the third one, which successfully ended the trilogy and was my personal favorite. Way to go Disney, you ruined another franchise.
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)
Black Panther Wakanda Forever
I loved the first Black Panther. Black Panther was a comic book character I was hardly familiar with, but the movie made me like him and his story a lot. Unfortunately Chadwick Bosemans passing made this movie more difficult to create, and for what it's worth, "They did a sloppy job!"
Honestly, all the amazing things were spoiled in all the trailers they released for this movie, on the YouTube channel for Marvel Entertainment they released a TV spot ever single day! Yes, we all knew Shuri was going to be the Black Panther, anyone who is shocked by this is just plain dumb. Since Chadwick was the main male lead in the previous, the film is mostly female led, and the males are mostly made dumb. M'Baku for example, his first scene in the movie is him eating a meat stick and whining like a kid. What happened to the powerful ruler of the J'Barai?
Most of the time I could not decide whether to hate these characters or like them. I always liked Queen Ramonda, I love Angela Bassett, however they made her character into a whining tyrant of a ruler when she stripped Okoye of her rank. Let's also say this, the fact that they killed her in the movie makes no sense. People die in this movie for no valid reason. How did she drown when she was saving Ironheart? Speaking of Ironheart, she is freaking annoying and I dislike her).
Namor I wanted to like, but I can't tell if I am supposed to like him or not. By the time the final act came, I was hoping for Rey Mysterio or John Cena to come and save the day just to make this movie watchable.
This movie is so saddening and I can't believe this was made. I also can't believe my best friend, was saying that Ramondas death was justified by saying they are "cleansing" the MCU. Is that saying that she is a plague? I was hurt.
I am definitely done with the MCU, I don't even care if anyone spoils the new movies. I'm done. This movie was so bad I went out and drank afterward. They should have recasted Chadwick or just not made this movie.
Cool World (1992)
I tried. I really did.
I'm sorry guys, I really wanted to like a movie like this, I watched it once, then I watched it again, then again. Every time it just felt like torture. Why did I try again? Here's why, it's a live-action/animated hybrid film. I've always liked films that combine animation with live action. There's something magical about a human character interacting with an animated character. Mary Poppins proved this.
I first learned of this movie when one of my co-workers said: "Have you ever seen a movie called 'Cool World?'" I told him no, he went on to describe the movie to me, he said it was about a cartoonist who was sucked into a world he presumably created. After he said that, I looked it up on Wikipedia. 'This movie doesn't seem so bad', I thought.
I did some more research and discovered that it was directed by Ralph Bakshi. A man known for his mature and vulgar animated movies. He conceived it as a live-action/animated hybrid horror flick, R rated. Paramount purchased his idea, and he wanted the movie to look like a living painting. That sounds interesting. Seeing how this was going to be made in the 90s like other visually stunning movies, this should have been great.
Unfortunately for Bakshi, the script was re-written drastically and he was forced to make the finished project which wasn't his. There's quite a bit to talk about so I will do my best to keep this review as much to the point as possible but it's going to be hard.
First thing you should know is that this movie has no plot. If it does, it makes no sense at all! I've tried to make sense of the plot but there is way to many plot holes. The characters have no character arcs for motivations, they are caricatures. The only one who is close to having an arc is Lonette, but her arc is only about wanting to love her boyfriend and sleep with him, that's not much of character. Brad Pitt's character, Frank Harris is not much of a character either, he's bland and boring. You could argue that he was hurt after the death of his mother and decides not to display much emotion, but here's the problem with that. He chooses to stay in Cool World because he claims that it's more real to him. I understand war can change a man, however, if anybody was in Cool World for any long period of time it would no doubt drive them mental with all the insane things happening.
Jack Deebs and Holli Would aren't any better. Jack is a cartoonist who is in love with Holli. There is potential to set up an arc for him in the beginning. It's mentioned he was in prison because he murdered a man who was in bed with his wife. So why not let Holli be spitting image of his ex-wife? That would explain why he is attracted to her, but the movie never explains that or anything. Holli wants to become human to cross over to the real world. Unfortunately, the only way a "doodle" can be a human is if they have sex with a "noid". Which is pretty disgusting if you ask me. Not because I think human nature like that is disgusting, but if it's with a cartoon character and a human, that's like a human and an animal! It's nightmare inducing and disgusting!
What's even worse is that when she does because human, she begins to transform back into a doodle. Which is never explained. The movie never bothers to explain anything and they leave us to fill in the blanks. I guess it's because Jack and Holli's DNA got mixed together?? I don't know, I'm trying to make sense of a bad movie! So Holli goes to find the spike to hopefully become permanent form. But she ends up becoming a doodle again. I thought she wanted to be human? So why is she happy being a doodle again??? Also, the lip sync for the doodles speech is terribly off sync. Especially for Holli. There's just too many questions with this film. I'll just write all these questions down so I don't have to try and make sense of them:
* How can humans like Jack Deebs teleport between Cool World and the real world? Is Holli teleporting him? Is he doing it himself?
* Why is the oldest law in Cool World about sex? It isn't about murder or anything worse?
* Why does having sex damage the Interworld matrix in the movie?
* Why does Holli transform back into a doodle permanently?
* Why does Holli want to merge the two worlds?
* Why do they not explain earlier about the humans becoming doodles when they die, and why does it sound so childish?
* Why does Jack stay as a superhero in the end of the movie, and why is he okay with that?
* Why do all of the inhabitants have the ability to detect if someone is with Holli in the bedroom???
* How can doodles pass through walls in the real world?
* Why did the scientist in the beginning invent the spike?
* How is Jack having visions of Cool World?
* If a human can easily get to Cool World like Frank said when he mentioned that noise have been there, what prevents a doodle from getting to the real world?
* How did the Cool World come to be if Jack Deebs didn't create it in the first place?
* How was Frank Harris able to get back to the real world exactly through his mother?
* Why would people still buy Jack Deebs comic books if they know he is a know criminal? Wouldn't that lower the value of the merchandise?
* If more noid visited the Cool World, why is Jack the first one to write about it in comics?
* If Jack wasn't the first one, are they saying that other comic book artists took inspiration from this awful movies setting?
* Why is Frank Harris the only detective in Cool World? Why didn't he bring more backup to get Holli and Jack if it was a matter of the universes safety?
* How can Jack afford his house if he was in prison for years?
* Who took care of Jack's house when he was in prison? His neighbor?
I can think of a million more questions for this movie because it makes no literal sense, but let's mention this. The Fountain Pen. The pen is actually the most creative concept in the movie. It's natural that a pen would be harmful to a doodle since most of them are made of ink. However, the movie doesn't do a good job of establishing that, it leaves us to fill in the blanks.
When watching this movie, there are instantly better movies that you can watch that are more worth your time. I will list them now:
* DICK TRACY: Dick Tracy works well with its visual backgrounds and style better than Cool World. Cool World splashes everything in your face, the colors and toons, while Dick Tracy easily gives you an easy watch by the nice colors and the story isn't bad. Let's also mention that Breathless Mahoney had a better character arc than Holli Would, as Tess Trueheart also had compared to Lonette. The fact that you can compare these two women shows how bland this movie is. While you're at it, compare Dick Tracy to Frank Harris.
* WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT: This is an obvious. Roger Rabbit's animation style was done better than Cool Worlds. The characters' lip movement was better, yet Cool World was made later, so why is it worse??? Who Framed Roger Rabbit also handled its adult humor better than Cool World. Cool World feels like a porno movie at times. Which is sad and disturbing.
* MYSTERY MEN: I know this is out of place, but hear me out. Champion City in Mystery Men looks like a cooler city than Cool World. Not to mention that Mystery Men is based off a comic book series.
* THE MASK: Another left field, but here's where it fits in. The Mask was based off a comic book, and it has cartoony moments in the film, as well as a nice city background. It's easily more watchable.
End result: Don't waste brain cells or moments of your life on Cool World. You will get nightmares and there is a reason that this movie got a 4% on rotten tomatoes!
Boomerang (2019)
I think Lena Waithe is missing the point
Lena Waithe thought it was a good idea to make a TV Series that serves as a sequel to the 1992 movie Boomerang. Now being that I've seen the movie several times and know how great it is, You'd think someone like her would know how to capture that magic. She didn't.
What do I mean by missing the point? Let me explain. The point of the movie predecessor was telling the story about a smooth ladies man who learns the value of love and relationships. It was never about the political things that this show highlights like black peoples rights, how to succeed as a black person. In the movie that was glossed over because it existed in a reality where that was possible, it didn't need further explanation.
Being that this show is 20 years later, you'd expect the old cast to be included correct? Wrong. They make no effort to include the old cast. Sure, you can have a scene with three male characters exercising like in the previous film, but it lacks meaning. And you can have an older woman say all the time: "I remember Marcus when he was this. Marcus would have done this.." But its not enough. Why isn't Marcus here? Why is his bratty daughter here instead with Bryson (Drew). Speaking of which Bryson's character is the son of Jacqueline. Which raises more questions. Who is the father? Why would she even have a kid? And why isn't she here??? In the original movie, all the characters were like able in a unique way. These characters are just boring.
Save your time and watch the original movie. This show is more about young black adults trying to distance themselves from their parents and make a living on their own, which is not what the original movie was about. Its no mystery why this show was cancelled.
The Angry Birds Movie (2016)
Not the worst, but not the best either
There have been many video game adaptions. Some good "Street Fighter: Assassin's Fist" and "Mortal Kombat" there have been some bad: "Super Mario Bros" and "Street Fighter (1994)". How does Angry Birds compare to these? Well, Angry Birds is not a terrible movie entirely. But it's not the best video game adaptation either.
The casting of this movie is pretty spot on. Josh Gad plays Chuck well, Peter Dinklage somehow voices Mighty Eagle well. Even Jason Sudekis does a good Red. The character designs are noteworthy, and the protagonists are the three most popular birds in the franchise. That's good.
The bad stuff about it is the minor gripes. I didn't like the crude humor in the film. It's only because in my opinion. Angry Birds is an adaptation for all ages. Having a pig dance seductively while having toilet plungers on his chest like a bikini top is over the top. Also, that pee joke was....different. It wasn't funny.
Most of the jokes are not funny in the movie, but some of them do land a good impression. Angry Birds is not the worst video game adaptation. But it tries more than others we got in the past and get now. It's a simple, fun movie to watch with your kids, despite some of the humor.
From what I hear, the second film was better than the first, so I will have to check that one out when I get the chance.
Marry Me (2022)
Marry Me
Relationships can be interesting can't they?
Marry Me of course is not a usual movie I watch or want to view. But what interested me was not the celebrities featured or the music, but a simple concept. What if a celebrity married a regular guy? Now I know there have been scenarios like this in real life. But not illustrated like this of course.
One of the admirable things about this film is that it embraces its silliness. Which of course is great screenwriting. Embracing silliness doesn't make a movie bad. This film is basically saying: "A mega superstar just picked a random guy and married him without even getting his name." They illustrate how silly this can be by the funny Instagram posts and the Marriage Officiant when he says: "Do you? Some guy?!" lol.
Here's another thing: The movie illustrates how different the leads lives are, and what would happen if you mesh them together. Being a celebrity is a taxing job. People are always knowing your business and eager to learn more about you. With Owen Wilson's character it was the opposite. He wasn't that well known until he married Kat.
Besides the fact that this was based on a webcomic (which I have yet to read). The movie is predictable. But it's admirable for how realistic it can be at times and how it highlights the differences between the two protagonists and plays out the humor. If you just want a simple and delightful love story to watch with your significant other. This is definitely worth a watch. I think they did a good job.
Hawkeye (2021)
Hit and Miss
I was excited for a Hawkeye series as Hawkeye is one of my favorite superheroes/avengers. After delays and a near cancellation, we got our series. This show was hit and miss at best. I'll explain the things that were worthwhile and were not.
Firstly, I don't hate Kate Bishop's character. But a big problem I had with her was she was over-comedic. Almost every scene she was in had a joke or her doing something goofy. Normally I wouldn't mind, but it makes me think of Katy from Shang-Chi and I don't want to think those two characters are the same. I like Katy, but she was created for comic relief and succeeded at it. Kate is not created for comic relief; she is supposed to be the next Hawkeye. There was one scene where I laughed at her humor. When she suggested that her and Yelena grab a drink instead of Yelena going to kill Clint. When Yelena just said: "Okay." I admit I laughed really hard. Because, it wasn't expected and she said it so easily.
Here's another issue to address: Yelena. They introduced her too late into the mini-series. She should have been on episode 2 or 3. What took her so long to find Barton? Nonetheless, I like having her here, and she and Kate make a funny comedic duo. But that could have been established earlier in the season. The reason why is because Yelena is the next Black Widow and Kate is the next Hawkeye, so it makes sense for them to interact more. Also, is it just me, or did they make Hawkeye weaker here? Remember in the first Avengers he was Natasha's equal, but he had struggle fighting Yelena? I don't know, maybe I am nitpicking too much?
One of the characters I was looking forward to seeing on the show was Echo. She has been one of my favorite characters from the Daredevil comics. Minor complaint, she cannot speak like she did on the comics. In the comics she could read lips and speak although deaf. I think they wanted to do more realism with her on this show, but I don't mind. I think the complaints about her was she didn't have the marking on her face, and, hear me out: Shouldn't she be more attractive? I'm not saying that because I want to be attracted to every MCU female, but the Echo I knew on the comics had beautiful raven colored hair and smooth skin. The actress Alaqua Cox is native American, but doesn't look like a complete copy of the comics. Not saying she should be picture perfect, but there has to be a better casting.
Next, we have Kingpin. Although the internet spoiled his return, I am glad to see Vincent D'noforio reprise his role. It seems like the MCU writers are finally realizing their mistake and connecting the TV shows to the movies (something they should have done in Avengers Endgame!) But his role is very brief, and he gets his butt kicked by Kate Bishop, then later on supposedly killed by Echo. I really hope he is not dead, but if he is, really? One of Marvel's most interesting and meaning villains taken out by a deaf girl? Not Daredevil or even Spider-Man???
To finally top it off, we get over-advertisement of Christmas. There is literally a Christmas song on every radio in the series, on every sign and every character mentions it way more than in a Christmas Story. It didn't feel like an MCU show, it felt like a Christmas ad starring Jeremy Renner. You know, sort of like those Toyota commercials with Christmas music?
So that's my opinion on this show. It's solid, but could have been so much better. Falcon and Winter Soldier is still my favorite Disney+ show. Here's to hoping that my MCU fatigue will go away sometime, because I am still feeling it....
Aladdin (2019)
Aladdin??
Disney continues their pursuit of money making with this live-action re-make of Aladdin. Seeing this film sort of proves the point of what I thought initially. Some things that are animated do not translate well to live-action. You may be confused on what I mean. I am not saying there can't be a live-action Aladdin. I am saying that with this adaptation. They tried to hard to replicate the animated versions visuals. Which is commendable when trying to be true to source, but live-action and animation are two different things.
A good example of this is the Genie. In this adaption he is Will Smith. A role that was played by the late great Robin Williams. If this movie was animated as well, Will Smith could have pulled it off better because I like his voice. Robin Williams was a great voice actor, so doing different funny voices on the cartoonish scenes fit. On this version, Will Smith tries a similar process. On several of his comedic elements, I want to laugh, but the live-action aspect makes it less funny.
I am disappointed with some of the casting as well. I don't mind the actor playing Aladdin Mena Massoud (Although some parts he can be lifeless). But the one who plays Jafar (Marwan Kenzari) What the heck were they thinking? Remember how Jafar was this old ugly dude that when you looked at him you could say "Yeah, he's the villain of the movie". In this adaption, he doesn't look that villainous or intimidating. The Sultan looks scarier than him.
Next we have Naomi Scott as Jasmine. I remember Naomi Scott from the 2017 Power Rangers movie. I must say I am let down by the casting. Princess Jasmine was always the prettiest of the Disney Princesses to me, but it kind of seemed like they lighted her skin tone too much with this actress. I can't buy her as Jasmine.
Recapping the live-action animation aspect. Watch some of the musical scenes and compare to the animated version. You will find a huge difference in how they should have been handled.
Sadly this will not be the last of Disney's live action movies. However, I hope the reader of this review will understand why I don't enjoy this movie and why I believe it was a mistake.
Black Widow (2021)
Black Widow strikes out
Maybe it's because it came after Endgame. Or it could be that it was delayed due to COVID. But for me this film seemed out of place, and was a major disappointment on the MCU side, which we know of course makes quality entertainment in the past.
Let's dive right in: The movie takes place directly after Civil War, and I'm going to say that small references like how Natasha got her vest that she wore in Infinity War do not bother me in MCU movies, only Star Wars movies so that was fine.
The first major problem I had was Dreykov. Honestly, I thought that dude was dead. I really thought we didn't have to explore that storyline again, but here it is. Maybe if Black Widow was a prequel like Captain Marvel it would have worked better with that.
One of the things I looked forward to seeing in the film was Red Guardian. Honestly, I can say they did not disappoint. He was more humorous that I expected him to be, but he is easily the best part of this film, his cluelessness and obsession with Captain America drive my favoritism of the character. Only one issue, he didn't have a shield in the film at all, and the action figure has a shield? Mistake much??
I'm saving the worst for last, but let's point out the worst part of this film. TASKMASTER. When I heard Taskmaster would be in the film. I was ecstatic. I thought it would be cool to see a fight between Black Widow and Taskmaster, because Taskmaster has the ability to copy anyone's moves. I also expected him to be the main villain.
But here we get our letdown. Minor flaw, Taskmaster is a woman. So the name Master doesn't fit. Would be better if she was called Taskmistress. But that's a minor tripe, Taskmaster could be female if the next issues I am going to list were not there. Bigger issue, she doesn't get a freaking line, and when she takes off her helmet, she looks like a prune face. Or maybe she's possessed. Either way, it just looks bad. She's also Dreykov's presumed deceased daughter. Way to re-tread the past guys, I thought we were still done with Dreykov. Biggest flaw with this character?? Her powers. Remember, Taskmaster was a character that had a photographic memory, he could copy anyone's fighting style by watching them.
"Taskmistress" gets her abilities from technology. Meaning that you insert a chip into her skull and she has the ability to copy moves. Seriously?? I expected something like that on the villain Ultron. But this? This just ruins the awesomeness of the character. I remember playing the Spider-Man PS4 game and enjoying Taskmaster on there more because he was at least accurate!
This movie just seems like it should have been thought out more, as a result we get this in-between sequel that makes me wonder what direction the MCU is trying to go with that mid-credits scene. Don't say Multiverse guys, that could mean anything. We don't even know they next big-bad, the next avengers, etc.